Absolutely Do Not Touch Eldmia Egga

Chapter 19: Lagnis Lien da Levien

“Hah! Ain’t this a fucking hilarious brat? Does the village hooligan brat thinks himself big just ’cause he got himself a cheap sword?”

With faces full of sneers, and few with infuriated faces at having been looked down at, they gripped daggers and swords and axes and whatever weapons they each had. It was the unquestionably normal reaction. However incompetent they might be, they were people who carried adventurers’ tags, after all. They should have personal pride in it.

Adventurers.

They, who had a ranking system detailedly divided into 8 colors that seemed to have taken inspiration from the seven-color rainbow, roamed the land without the duty to pay direct taxes, nor the protection of the kingdom from it.

Among them, the bottom three ranks were only adventurers when put nicely, and were mostly closer to thieves with swords. If there was a difference between them and thieves, it would be whether or not they tried to uphold the kingdom’s laws even a little, and about just that much.

I could tell from regularly visiting the guild. The commissions they could receive were mostly a level of work that could be covered by numbers and equipment.

Problems one could solve by gathering friends or buying and wearing good equipment if they could just be a little calm and properly swing a weapon to produce something that could be called an impact. Obviously they couldn’t be called a very good income when considering the risks. People died even during those kinds of commissions, after all. Rather, works that received daily payouts like outer wall repairs were far safer and gave higher incomes.

They were also the same. When looking at those with exposed rank tags worn on their necks as if military ID tags, most were colorless iron or yellow. It meant they were the 8th and the 7th ranks among the 8 ranks.

“Check out that sword twinkling. Did ya fucking killed a person before, you hooligan shit?”

In short. They were simply runaway adults evolved from runaway adolescents that had immaturely roamed around for a bit long time.

While tapping Lagnis’s shoulder and sending her slightly behind me, I honestly answered the guy that might or might not have taken on their leader role, but stood furthest out front and was passionately flapping his mouth.

“Haven’t killed one with my sword before.”

“Where the fuck do a… what? Your sword?”

“Yeah. My sword.”

I’d no idea how much they were really looking down on me, but he casually walked into my range, so I directly ran up and instantly kicked him in the pit of his stomach without even using my sword.

– Ppuuck!

“Ungkuk!”

The guy, who for some reason was weirdly confident despite wearing merely leather gauntlets and greaves without a single piece of proper chest armor, collapsed on the spot and let off a croaking sound.

“Eh? Eh?”

“Why do slow-headed kids all let off the same sound from their mouths? Anyway, one sword poke.”

It struck properly, so he should be paralyzed still for 1 minute and then shake his limbs even after that. I immediately thrust my sword into his thigh without even particularly looking close.

– Pukk!

“Ungkkiyaaaaahh!!”

“I stabbed gently, you crybaby shit! The fuck are you overreacting for?!”

Frowning at the scream piercing my ears sharper than I’d expected, I stabbed his other thigh, too. With this, I should look insane enough for a madman.

“Aaaaaghh!!”

“Tha, that fucking lunatic! The fuck you waiting for?! Kill him!”

After the second scream exploded out, the bastards only then rushed forwards together with the reaction I’d intended.

Even at a glance, they were appearances that were clearly running forwards simply to swing without any swordsmanship or whatnot. Even worse, they were so pathetically running up wildly with each showing off their unique and uncoordinated running speeds that I reflexively gave them advice.

“Hey, hey! The blade is still sharp. There’s plenty of stabbing left, so don’t fight each other and line up.”

“Get fucked you little shit!!!”

“You fucking dare even when I give you advice?”

The bastard that boasted the fastest running speed enthusiastically raised up his sword above his head to strike down.

It wasn’t threatening even a little. Even at a rough glance, the sword that guy held was about 70cm or so. For that to swing and touch, I had to step at least two steps closer.

“At least thrust instead if it’s a one-hand sword, you piece of shit.”

Just what was he thinking doing that towards me, who was holding a longsword with just the blade over 80cm long? Without any need to watch further, I also stepped forwards the moment he took another step and gave him a poke on his thigh.

“Kkiyaaaahh!!”

“They gathered retards one and all. Did they use up all their money on bribing the guards?”

There wasn’t even a need to properly raise my sword. Even though two of them already got ventilation holes on their thighs, the other guys were bravely charging up with no plan at all. At the very least it would’ve been threatening if they even thought of throwing their weapons or something, but looking at their mugs, it was definite that those were the only bits they thought they could boast of and they couldn’t think even a little of taking their hands off of them.

There wasn’t anyone that held a longer weapon than the two that had already gone ahead of them. There wasn’t even any value to thinking about them any further, so I gripped my longsword backwards like a throwing spear.

For just this moment, this wasn’t a sword. It was a creed injection needle.

“Don’t worry. Those guys are overreacting. It doesn’t hurt if I stab gently. And don’t forget to rub the spot after the injection.”

I didn’t even need to draw in and use magic power. I didn’t need to dodge either. When I simply watched them run up and then instantly took just about two steps forwards and stabbed towards the thighs, it directly struck. It was a level where fish would be smarter than them.

“Ggueeegh!”

“Aaaagh!”

“Fuuuuuck!”

“Mommiee!”

“What the fucking, ‘mommie’?! It’s criminal contempt for you, you son of a bitch! Give me your other thigh, too!!”

“N, no! P, pleeeeaase!!”

How could a mere criminal son of a bitch dare look for his mother when he’s hurt and weary? When even the earnest and guiltless I didn’t have a mother to look for?

It didn’t take even 3 minutes for me to give a round of pokes like stamping a ‘very good’ stamp. Listening to the howling of the bastards collapsed on the ground and spilling blood, I waved towards Lagnis.

“For now, go inside the inn. ‘Cause we don’t know what’ll happen. And shout when you think something will happen.”

“G, got it.”

Like that, while Lagnis went a long way around the bastards with tiny steps and ran away into the inn, one by one I threw away or stomped on, took, and then threw away the weapons they dropped or held towards the inn and began disarming them.

They’d be quite a fetching sum if I sold them all. Having finished cleaning everything up like that and as I was preparing to now dust their shoddy pieces of armor and pockets, one guy began noisily shouting.

“You fucking son of a bitch! You piece of fucking shit! I’m going to fucking kill you!”

I’d wondered who it was, and it was the guy that rushed at me very first.

When I casually walked up to his side, even while endlessly drooling spit, he squirmed trying to spit and curse.

“Do you fucking have any idea what you’ve just done?! Do you fucking know who we’re hired by! You’re dead! I’ll tear off your limbs and kill you! And that bitch that was stuck on your side too! I’ll burn down that fucking piece of shit inn too and kill you all!!”

“Really? Then guess it can’t be helped. Something like that shouldn’t happen, so let’s cut off one of your legs and both arms too, okay? I won’t cut even the upper parts. But you could get prosthetics and swing them if I leave the lower parts alone, so we’ll have to cut them off. If you die by blood loss, just think that you were unlucky.”

“N, no! No! Nooaaagh!”

There wasn’t anything difficult about it. I directly swung my sword before he squirmed and cleanly cut off his left arm. Like I’d said, I left the upper bits alone.

“Kkiyaaaaaaghh!!”

The other bastards lying on the ground stared with pale faces at the guy who got his left arm cut off from recklessly flapping his mouth. Since I managed to cleanly cut off the arm of the guy lying down without any proper stance and even while taking an awkward pose, they might have gotten a feeling that something was a bit really wrong.

It’s really interesting. Were they thinking they could run away in one piece like this since I didn’t kill them right away? That they’d aim for the next chance like that and take revenge? Had this world been that generous of a world to them?

Even in the backstreet alleys people died less than a day over, outside the cities people naturally died on and on, and on top of that, not even the kingdom cared much about murder from duels between adventurers such that they were daily events. I merely didn’t pay it much mind and stayed away from it, but it was a world abundant with murder.

I couldn’t understand how the guy who lived as an adventurer in that kind of world could unhesitatingly make a threat of killing someone or not while powerless.

When I mulled over that thought as I kicked his body with my feet and rolled him sideways to cut off the opposite arm, too, he began begging with a desperate voice.

“Uhugh, p, please! No! Apologize! I apologize! Please forgive me just once!”

“I introduced myself just before, right?”

“Heugh, eh? Eh?”

“That I’m Eldmia Egga.”

I quietly looked at the guy holding his already cut-off left arm and squirming and trying to stop the bleeding with his right hand. The eyes that were full of all kinds of spite and anger until just now only had fear and unease left. Even just by looking at his face, I could tell he was trembling in fear from not getting even a guess on what the lunatic who cut off his arm and made a hole in his thigh was trying to say.

I didn’t enjoy doing something like this, either. I was someone who had the normal sentiments of modern Earth’s people. Meaning, I wasn’t a psychopath who got excited from seeing blood or could laugh at a cut-off cross section. Not only were both cutting people and seeing blood extremely far from entertaining for me, the fact was that it was nauseating every time I saw a cross section. Seeing something that normally shouldn’t be seen naturally tended to arouse more revulsion than one would expect.

I’d merely understood through the event I’d experienced on the 8th year of my reincarnated life that this was a world that needed these kinds of things.

“I have a really passionate lifelong wish. What do you think that is?”

“Heugh, hick… I, I don’t know.”

“My lifelong wish is to warn absolutely never touch Eldmia Egga, regardless of whatever that may happen, to the sons of bitches like you, then make it so no one can touch me.”

That was why I didn’t laugh. So long as provocation wasn’t the goal, I didn’t particularly get angry either. Because I knew it was a world where each and every one of such emotions could push one towards death.

“Those that threaten to kill me. Those that touch the people around me to threaten me. Those that try to cause me harm. Those that try to use me. I’ve got a grand wish of using all of them as examples and making everyone absolutely never touch me.”

I tapped his remaining right hand with my sword, but as if believing it would get cut off if he ran, the guy even held back his tears and didn’t move a bit. When I rubbed the sword on his shoulder without any particular thought and wiped the blood, he now not only uncontrollably trembled but even began peeing himself.

“Come to think of it, I’m really conflicted right now. If I trust your words and leave your right arm and two legs alone, wouldn’t there be at least one guy who thinks I’m weak and pops out to get revenge? I think that’s what’ll happen.”

“Nnnnnooo!! Absolutely! That absolutely won’t happen!! I! I was babbling nonsense like a retard!! I’m sorry! Please don’t kill me!”

“When did I ever say I’ll kill you? I’m just gonna cut your limbs. Of course, I might kill you if the limbless you go mad with overflowing rage and say you’ll kill me, though.”

“Hick, hheuung. Please. I’m sorry. I won’t ever come near. Please…”

Even so, perhaps because this was a fantasy world, even for detached limbs one could go pay a reasonable fee at a church and reattach them again so long as it was not too late. Of course, it was a reasonable fee in name only, and was an infinitely cheap fee for being saved from the dangers of limb loss. If he were to dust his pockets clean, then this guy too should be able to reattach his arm.

“What’s your name, friend?”

“Eh?”

“Oh, you hesitating? Should we cut off your ankle first and then start? Or would you think differently if your cut-off arm gets pulverized enough to be impossible to reattach?”

Even then, even if there was such a certainty. It couldn’t be helped but be terrifying for the body part that didn’t naturally regrow to be cut off. Even I would be terrified, too.

“It’s Abnam! It’s yellow rank adventurer Abnam who became an adventurer while living in Guld Village of western Ithysiel Kingdom!”

“Oh, your attitude turned superb. You also understood why I asked your name, right?”

I’d let you live for now. But I would find and kill you if shit happened.

It seemed Abnam perfectly understood that.

“I understood! I’ll never touch sir Eldmia again! I won’t even come close! If someone were to even think of it, I’ll absolutely stop him!”

“It’s a good thing you’re smart. Take good care of your arm. You’ll have to attach it later, after all.”

“T, thank you! Thank you!”

“You. Wanna help him stop his bleeding or get an arm cut off like him?”

“I’ll help!!”

The guy that got the poke second in line stood up as if he even forgot about the pain in his thigh, then hopped up on one foot and started helping him stop the bleeding.

TL note: I’m sorry this chapter got delayed. I got a cold over the weekend and couldn’t keep on schedule. Also, do please let me know if there are grammar errors in this chapter, bc I’m not 100% sure I got everything this time.

The next chapter is about 20% longer than this one, so it might be slightly late as well. For now, the ETA for the next chapter is the 27th of September.