Chapter 183: Philosophy
"I..." Agnes showed an expression that indicated she never thought it would be easy to ask for help from a friend.
"I mean, if I were in the same predicament and asked for your help, wouldn't you help me?" he asked, trying to ease her worry.
"If it is within my power," she answered after a second thought. "But what I'm asking isn't so simple."
"That's the point, though," Warden cut in. "You haven't asked and decided on your own."
Agnes didn't refute his words. "It's not easy for me to ask something of you," she said after a while. "Ignoring the fact that I barely know you for like a month, I'm just not comfortable being accountable for others."
"I don't know how you lead an infantry with that mindset," Warden smirked. She was the captain of the 16th infantry, who was accountable—at least somewhat—for all the soldiers under her.
"That's different," she said, shaking her head. "Most of the condemned were desperate when I took over the role of their captain. They didn't have some great aspiration; the condemned just wanted to survive, that's all. I didn't think anyone other than me could do a better job of it. So I took the role."
"And I'm not as desperate as them, huh?" he said.
She nodded. "You're a talented ranker—I mean, there are talented rankers among the 16th infantry, but their prospects aren't as bright as yours, being condemned for decades to come. What I was asking could have cost you your life. You have a bright future ahead of you, a home to get back to, a woman who loves you awaiting you."
"That's why it is hard for you to ask for my assistance," Warden nodded. Ultimately, he couldn't hold it against her. "You know what your greatest trait is, Captain?"
She frowned.
"Self-reliance," Warden answered for her. "You may think it's different, but I think it's self-reliance that brought you where you stand now. I really respect that about you."
Agnes gave him a look as if wondering if there was more, but Warden shook his head.
"You might be wondering if I'd say cheesy lines like, it is alright to rely on others sometimes, and it probably is," Warden smiled. "But I won't say that to you."
It is a lesson she would have to learn on her own.
"Also, this doesn't mean I won't ask anything of you," Warden grinned cheekily. "If I'm in a pickle and cannot solve it on my own, you'll be among the first few people I'll call."
"I don't have much talent in anything but combat," Agnes said with a snort. "Hopefully, you won't get caught up in something too wild."
"Anyway, wanna experience something spectacular?" Before she could affirm or decline, Warden continued, gesturing towards the Grand Stele before them. "Have you ever been part of something grand like this? Well, this hardly can be called Grand, but at Iron rank like us, I think it will be worth it."
"What are you talking about?"
"It will spoil the fun if I tell you now," Warden said, and pushed her towards the Grand Stele. "Here, put your palms against it and imbue as much energy as you can. I guarantee it will be worth it."
Agnes shot him a look, but did as asked. She touched the cold metallic plate at the bottom of the stele and imbued her energy into it. Instantly, electricity rushed through her mind as a terrible stretch of a pull drew in her energy reserves.
"This is..." she croaked. The energy continued moving through her to the great stele. "Overwhelming."
"Try to interpret how the energy is moving," Warden said.
Although the grand stele was taking away her energy, it was her energy, and Agnes had an intimate connection with it. As she put her mind to it, she could visualise her energy moving through micro pathways arrayed like chains of geometric shapes. There seemed to be no end to the locks of the chain. After she filled in one lock with her energy, the next one began devouring.
There were tens of them, hundreds... when she reached the thousand number, her energy reserve began to grow thin.
"These are..." she husked, opening her eyes to find the stele lit up in runic scripts. She barely managed to light up two meters of the stele. She drew more energy, pushing more energy into the stele. "Runes? How many of them are there?"
Her energy moved through the formation of the runes, feeling overwhelmed at the sheer size of it. Agnes was surely awed by the intricacy at play here... This was undoubtedly a noteworthy experience. Although she couldn't fill even a tenth of the stele, she could move her energy up to feel its sheer shape and size.
"There's a little over sixty-four thousand runes," Warden said. "That's about thirty times more runes compared to your armour, but this stele is made to handle high energy intensity, so it's close to a hundred times more... Expansive."
Agnes gasped. "I might have a headache if I keep on continuing with this for a few more minutes."
"Well, you can let go now," Warden smiled. She did, as Warden posed his question. "How did it make you feel?"
"Small," she said, wiping the sweat beads from her forehead. "I was overwhelmed... I feel like a small thing in the grand scheme of things of the greater universe. This... yeah... Thanks for letting me experience it."
Warden was somewhat disappointed with what she said. But perhaps it was because she was so stressed with everything that she hadn't managed to find the essence of what he was trying to convey. Then again, it was very difficult for people like her to understand the feeling.
"Your feeling is different from mine," Warden said, putting his palm against the stele. He pushed his energy as the runic pattern lit up. Within a minute, Warden reached her height, yet it kept on climbing. In a few minutes, it reached over a dozen meters, dwarfing Agnes' accomplishment.
She scowled, looking at the difference.
"Don't take it to heart," Warden laughed. "I formed this whole formation, of course, I'd know all of its mysteries and intricacies." But that wasn't what she should be paying attention to. "You feel small and overwhelmed against the formation... as for me, I feel empowered being a part of this formation."
A deep frown crept up her brows, her eyes gaping at the brilliant runic patterns.
"Perhaps it is the difference in our perspective," Warden continued. "For you, this formation is something foreign, but for me, it is something I created myself, something I have a deep connection with. I may be small against the grand scheme of the greater universe, yet I can create a greater construct like this... Which perhaps makes me feel a little bigger, huh.
I guess these are two completely different perspectives, and I hadn't thought we two differed too much in our thinking."
Agnes thought deeply about what she heard, taking a full view of the stele. She let out a deep exhalation.
"You know, when you mentioned you teach at the academy, I prayed for the students you taught," she said. "But perhaps you're not that wrong in choosing your profession."
A smile perked up on his lips. "I don't really think I'm that good at teaching. What I do believe is nudging the students in the right direction, letting them learn on their own... In this way, it will stick longer."
"I wish I had someone to nudge me in the right direction when I was in the academy," Agnes said. "No time to regret now. I should leave you to your work now... Let's spar in the morning?"
"Sure," Warden saluted. It wasn't a salute mocking her or making fun of her like he did after she put him through cleaning duties. It was a proper salute. "Oh, I forgot to mention, I'm throwing a barbecue party after the completion of this shell; you're invited. I'll invite a few from the 16th infantry too, so don't be a stranger to the eve."
"I don't say no to free food," she said, turning her head. She waved off, her form vanished into the darkness.
****
Agnes trained all night, ignoring the exhaustion building up in her body. Her path, the [Stillborn Phoenix], did have its perk in giving her more stamina and resilience, but it was only by pushing herself harder that she managed to come this far in this broken path.
Agnes wasn't anything spectacular by birth, nor did she have the overwhelming ounce of confidence that she showed outwardly to others. She was not like Warden, who was great at all sorts of things.
Agnes only knew one thing, and that was to fight. Her whole life had been one fight to another, an unrelenting grind against destiny itself.
Her path, [Stillborn Phoenix] as the name suggested, was far from ideal. She wasn't some heavenly phoenix reborn from the ashes. No, she was just a mediocre talent who persevered through deaths and darkness to be part of something greater.
And my path is far from finished.
Agnes trained until her muscles swelled, skin tearing up to ooze out blood. Finally, she came back to her quarters and lay on the bed, eyes still open, not a speck of sleepiness in her mind.
She brought out a small piece of paper from her suit and held it up for her eyes to read. She had read it before, but reading it again and again kept her on track.
The message read: 'Enter the Ancient ruin and win the Regalia for me without compromising any of our my priorities. Do not implicate in anything with the imperial family or the other noble houses who'd be there. I have a reward ready for you if you can deliver the regalia to me.
-- D.'
Her palms clasped tighter, crumbling the corner of the paper.