How To Survive as a Villain

On the fourth day of March, the second day after Yan HeQing quietly disappeared from the Palace, Li Wuding finally managed to get everything out of Wuning Wangye’s followers’ mouths.

Without hesitation, Li Wuding immediately led his troops into the Palace. But when he got there, he was informed of the surprising notice that Yan HeQing had already escaped from the Imperial City.

Li Wuding, feeling deep remorse, went to Xiao YuAn’s Imperial bedchamber to ask for forgiveness. However, when he reached the bedchamber, he was informed that Xiao YuAn was not inside but in the Yuhua Tower.

On the sixth floor of Yuhua Tower, Xiao YuAn was drinking wine depressingly alone. When he heard that Li Wuding came requesting for admonishment, he nodded his head in agreement.

Li Wuding walked and cupped his fist, kneeling on one knee: “Your Majesty, the case has been thoroughly investigated. Wuning Wangye colluded with the Southern Yan Kingdom to launch a rebellion. I’ve dealt with all the people involved, but…. The Prince of the Southern Yan Kingdom, Yan HeQing, escaped from the Palace at some unknown time. Weichen is extremely ashamed, I’ve failed His Majesty.”

Xiao YuAn, who was feeling extremely guilty, covered his mouth and coughed lightly. Facing Li Wuding’s seriousness, Xiao YuAn, who felt very ashamed, guilty and embarrassed, suddenly patted the railing: “How do you usually take care of things? This can’t be forgotten, General Li. How can we let such an important person escape just like that?”

Deduction of wages, deduction of wages. Cut the bonus, cut the bonus.

Well, this is a good opportunity.

Li Wuding said: “I ask His Majesty to punish me.”

“Punishment…. Here, your punishment is to drink these three jars of wine.” Xiao YuAn moved the wine that was resting at his side, towards Li Wuding.

Li Wuding, who thought that he misheard, raised his head in disbelief: “Ah?”

“Drink.” Xiao YuAn simply replied with a more shocking word, opening the seal of the wine jar, and handing it to Li Wuding.

Li Wuding had no other choice but to drink with Xiao YuAn.

And then, after many drinks, they got drunk.

It’s okay to get drunk, once in a while.

And it’s even better to get wildly drunk together with someone else.

Xiao YuAn then said that he wanted to sing. When he began to sing, the lyrics he sang were: It was you who wanted to be apart in the first place, if we separate, we separate¹.

Li Wuding, who’s usually an unruffled and serious man, howled to show off how he could crush a big stone with his chest.

He took a really big rock.

This wasn’t the end of it. Xiao YuAn cleared his throat and came over to talk to Li Wuding: “You don’t need to read Military books all day long. Can’t you go get yourself a wife? In the end, you’re the second male. Why should all the girls belong to Yan HeQing?”

Li Wuding hit an empty wine jar and his whole face was red: “The youngest son of the Xie Family, Xie Chungui, is really a young talent ah. Your Majesty, you don’t know, but last time he shot an arrow he blinded a bear. The imposing way the arrow penetrated the clouds was extremely high spirited.”

Xiao YuAn stammered: “I know which girl is better for you in this book, what kind of girl you’ll like, and I will guide you on how to properly court her.”

Li Wuding hesitated a bit and then replied: “And now, Xie Chungui and I are in a Martial Arts constant competition. I feel like I’m less capable than I desire², before it was very clear that I could easily win over him. But his progress is horrifying fast.”

Xiao YuAn answered with a flustered tone of voice: “The plot is here to develop Yan HeQing’s black belly, do you think you’ll get gouged out by him the next time you two meet?”

Li Wuding staggered and replied: “Xie Chungui says that he wants to fight against the world in the name of the Northern Kingdom, what an ambitious young man.”

Xiao YuAn said: “That’s right, I know you. I know all about you, cheers!”

Li Wuding replied: “Right, when you’re drinking with a close friend, even a thousand cups will still be too little³, cheers!”

Their conversations weren’t even on the same page. After finishing their cups of wine, the two confidants went and vomited while holding onto the railing.

The next day, Princess Yongning came to the Imperial bedchamber to greet Xiao YuAn, who was suffering a hangover and a headache, and to gossip: “I heard that General Li, who woke up drunk yesterday, was so ashamed that he tried to jump down from the Yuhua Tower?”

Xiao YuAn: “This…..”

Princess Yongning pinched a melon seed from the table and rubbed it: “Did you hold him…..”

“What? I didn’t, I definitely didn’t. Don’t talk nonsense.” Xiao YuAn denied it three times.

Princess Yongning’s face was full of knowing smiles: “Imperial Brother, I haven’t said anything yet.”

Xiao YuAn: “………”

Princess Yongning continued: “Then he did hold you……⁴”

Wtf?

Where’s the supposed innocent mind?!

Did you switch personalities with someone else?!

What’s more, Li Wuding is a straight man. Can he even become gay? And even if he wants to become gay, he’ll become gay by Yan HeQing’s extremely handsome face, do you understand!?

Bah, what a good pile of bullshit⁵.

Yan HeQing is the male protagonist of a stallion novel. No matter how handsome his face is, he’s still more handsome for girls’ taste.

“Imperial Brother.” Princess Yongning put down the melon seed in her hands, patting away the crumbs, and asking perceptively: “Are you in a bad mood?”

Xiao YuAn looked at Princess Yongning and suddenly wondered whether in the original book, if the Princess had known beforehand that Yan HeQing would annihilate the Northern Kingdom, would she still have helped him escape? And what was the last thing on her mind when she hanged herself?

“I…..” Xiao YuAn clenched his hands slightly, closed his eyes, and said: “I knew something was wrong but I still did it.”

Princess Yongning was startled, but then said with a smile: “Imperial Brother, there’s no such thing a right or wrong. Otherwise, why would you do it if you knew it was wrong? This is just like putting two objects on a scale in your heart, which side is heavier? It’s whichever way it goes, on the other side just remains the guilt.”

Xiao YuAn lowered his eyes, slightly startled.

Perhaps Yan HeQing was more important in his heart than what he previously thought.

Now, however, it’s not the time to be disappointed.

As things stood now, all Xiao YuAn had to do and think about was how to preserve the Northern Kingdom.

Princess Yongning chatted with Xiao YuAn for a while, and after seeing that he was no longer preoccupied, she left feeling more at ease. Xiao YuAn was planning to have a good rest when he suddenly remembered something.

Wait a minute? Aren’t Princess Yongning and Yan HeQing in love with each other?

Why was it that now that Yan HeQing has suddenly disappeared, Princess Yongning was acting as if nothing had happened?

Xiao YuAn couldn’t think of a reason why she didn’t react at all. He could only attribute everything to the fact that the male lead and the female lead must have a heart of gold and they don’t need to worry about each other.

After all, in the second half of this stallion novel, as long as there was a good-looking girl, she would surely fall in love with Yan HeQing and devote herself to him for three lifetimes. Therefore, Xiao YuAn naturally ignores these logic problems.

In order to protect the Northern Kingdom, Xiao YuAn began to leave the thoughts regarding the original book behind. He changed the five days per week system of the Northern Kingdom to a daily Imperial Court. By devoting himself to the politics of the Northern Kingdom, his body, which was not strong enough to begin with, was becoming thinner and thinner.

Xiao YuAn thought, well, even if he was the socialist successor of the 21st century and knew little about the rules of ancient law, after so many years of reading history, he believed that he could be able to select and appoint talents and care for the common people’s needs.

As long as the Northern Kingdom’s state treasury wouldn’t be empty, he would be able to fight a war and give full support to the army. Even if Li Wuding betrayed the Country, Xie Chungui would be able to hold on, and when the armies face off against each other, they will survive until the middle of winter. Moreover, Yan HeQing’s army was formed by Southerners, and because they were unable to withstand the cold, it would be very likely that they would retreat.

After stabilizing and slowly reorganizing the Court Councilors, the Northern Kingdom will not collapse so easily!!!! They can survive!!

Xiao YuAn suddenly changed from a fatuous Monarch who was addicted to male lust, to a wise and open-minded Emperor. Naturally, this issue became the first topic of discussion on the Imperial City.

Some people were saying that the late Emperor manifested himself in him, while others said that the young Monarch was stimulated by the sudden attack of Wuning Wangye.

Among so many disturbing voices, only Princess Yongning ran to the Imperial bedchamber and said to Xiao YuAn: “Imperial Brother, you should have a good rest. Don’t overwork your body and compromise your health.”

“I’m fine, I’m perfectly fine.” Xiao YuAn rubbed the corners of his eyes, they were bloodshot and his voice sounded extremely tired. “Ning’er, I can’t talk to you today, we’ll talk early tomorrow. I must finish reading these memorials.”

Princess Yongning wanted to say something to him, but decided to hide those words, and with a soft sigh, she left.

Thanks to Xiao YuAn efforts, the Northern Kingdom, which before was gradually declining, began to slowly improve.

And just when Xiao YuAn thought that he could breathe with peace, he was forcefully slapped in the face by the heavens.

At the end of May, there was a great drought in the Northern Kingdom. The rain didn’t fall, nine houses out of 10 were deserted⁶, and there were starving people everywhere.

In the original book, there was no such disaster in the Northern Kingdom at all.

After some pain we have XYA and LWD acting like disastrous drunkards٩̋(๑˃́ꇴ˂̀๑) and the Princess misinterpreting the situation (and then… the drought noooo) Σ(ﾟДﾟ；≡；ﾟдﾟ)

Footnotes

1. 当初是你要分开，分开就分开 dāng chū shì nǐ yào fēn kāi，fēn kāi jiù fēn kāi; Lyrics from the popular song 《爱情买卖》(ài qíng mǎi mài), “Love for Sale.”, the lyrics were written by (何欣 hé xīn) He Xin, the music was composed by (周宏涛 zhōu hóng tāo) Zhou Hongtao, and it was sung by (慕容晓晓 mù róng xiǎo xiǎo) Murong Xiaoxiao.
2. 力不从心 lì bù cóng xīn; It’s a Chinese idiom, it refers to what one wants to do in one’s heart, but one’s strength or ability cannot afford it / Not as strong as one would wish / The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. From 《后汉书·西域传》(hòu hàn shū·xī yù zhuàn), “History of Eastern Han: The Biography of the Western Regions”, written by (范晔 fàn yè) Fan Ye [398-445] a historian from Song of the Southern Dynasties [420-479].
3. 酒逢知己千杯少 jiǔ féng zhī jǐ qiān bēi shǎo; It’s used to describe how people of similar temperament never get tired of getting along. From 《名贤集》(míng xián jí), “The Collected Works of Famous Scholars”, a popular reading material from the Southern Song Dynasty [1127-1279].
4. The Princess is implicating they they had sex and XYA must had been the Shou = bottom. She came to this “conclusion” because she first implicated that XYA did it to LWD, as in, he being the top, but since he denied that, then the Princess must’ve thought: “Ah, gege was on the receiving end then.” LOL
5. 呸，好个P。; A internet slang word, the P here stands for 屁 (lit fart) and it’s meant to be 狗屁 (lit bullshit/nonsense).
6. 十室九空 shí shì jiǔ kōng; It’s a Chinese idiom, describes a scene of desolation after a plague, when the population is decimated / Almost all houses are empty / Nine out of ten families are dead/have nothing. From《抱朴子·用刑》(bào pǔ zǐ·yòng xíng), “Bao Puzi: The Use of Punishment”, a collections of essays by (葛洪 gě hóng) Ge Hong [283-363] a Daoist and alchemist from the Jin Dynasty [265-420].