Husband of the Goblin Tribe

Bonus Chapter [Vol.1] – In which Button bonds with Glace right off the bat, and embraces the Dao of the Mushroom.

~~** Interlude | Button **~~

Why is it so boring? Why isn’t there anything fun to do? Why doesn’t anyone come to take me away?

All Truffle does all day is sleep or be lazy looking at mushrooms, and all Ivory does all day is make things with her bones or drink blue water and be lazy. Ever since I tried going to the shit-pit by myself, I haven’t been allowed to leave on my own, even to visit my tricky Husband Ark’s cave-hole to go make swirls in the water.

Hm? What’s that? I think I hear Ivory talking over in her room. Did someone come to visit? I wonder who it is?

I got up and grabbed the mushroom I left on Truffle’s body next to my bone charm when I stopped to drink milkies before taking a nap. She’s seriously been sleeping all this time? What a lazy goblin!

Walking over to Ivory’s side of the cave, I was surprised to See a really tiny goblin just standing there.

Who was she? Was she a new sister I didn’t know about? Was she a tricky goblin or a good goblin?

I suppose there’s only one way to find out. Truffle taught me that I can trust people who like mushrooms. So, I walked over to her and offered her the mushroom I had just been enjoying.

<<Is that for me?>>

I nodded.

<<Is it safe to eat?>>

I nodded again.

<<Thanks… I guess?>>

She looked at it for a second before putting it in her mouth. Then I went back into my cave-hole and grabbed another mushroom to eat. When I came back into Ivory’s room, I sat down and looked at her closely again.

“Me Button. Your big sister.”

<<Nice to meet you. I’m Glace. Uh, I mean GRACE! GRACE!>>

I tilted my head. Glace Grace Grace? That’s a long name for a goblin. I think I’ll just call her Glace.

“Do you like mushrooms?”

<<Sure. Who doesn’t?>>

The little goblin came over to me and sat down in my lap. She wasn’t heavy at all. She was also super small. Up until now I have been the smallest goblin among sisters.

“You’re a small goblin.”

<<I can’t help it. I just got here yesterday. I met my other sisters already, are you a hunter like them, too?>>

“No. Button is only allowed to be lazy, sleepy, eat tasty food, and take a shit right now. But I also want to know about other things. Many many things! Does Glace want to know things too?”

<<It’s Grace. And yes, I also want to know lots of things. Say, big sister, can you tell me something you know?>>

“Button stays in this cave-hole. If you want more mushrooms, come here.”

<<I see. I stay in the big cave-uh-hole with papa over there.>>

Who is papa? I looked to the side where Ivory keeps her bones stored and to my surprise saw tricky Husband Ark picking out bones and looking at them just like Ivory does before she makes something. Why was he here!?

“Ah! It’s Stupid Husband Ark! Why are you here!? Have you come to trick Button again!?” I yelled at him.

<<That guy tricked you? Is he a bad guy?>> Glace asked me while pointing at him as well.

“Be careful Glace! Even if Husband Ark likes mushrooms, he’s stupid! He’s tricky! Husband will do things to get you spanked!”

<<R-really? Then, do you want me to get him back for you? I know a cool trick… watch!>>

The little goblin sitting in my lap made glowing lights go swirly-whirly around her tiny hand and tricky Husband Ark got wet as my little sister made her finger go pee right on his face!

Kikiki~! That looks fun! How did she do that? Can I do that? I want to do that too!

“How did you make your finger go pee on Husband?”

<<Put out your hand and I’ll show you how to do it.>>

She put her tiny hand together against mine and I felt something strange go moving through my body. The lights went swirly-whirly around both of our hands and then right from between our fingers more pee shot out and got Husband Ark again!

Kikiki~! Take that! Tricky Husband Ark!!

<<If you can remember how it felt, you’ll be able to do it yourself after some practice.>>

“Do I need to do it just like that?”

<<Yep. It’s the easiest way. I can teach you how to do it if you want?>>

I felt my feet get warm and wet all of a sudden. Hey! Why did you go pee on me too?

“Ah! You went pee! You are not supposed to do that in a cave-hole or you will get spanked! You’re still a little goblin, Since Button is your big sister, I’ll take you to the shit-pit and show you where you need to pee!”

<<Sorry! I don’t know why that keeps happening.>>

I lifted her up off of my lap and stood up as well, grabbing her hand and taking her through my cave-hole and to the shit-pit nearby. There was no point in telling Ivory, because she just comes along every time I have to go anyway. Since she is a little goblin, she probably needs to know all the stuff I was taught, too.

“The shit-pit is just over here. You might be too little to walk though goblin-home on your own right now, so you’ll have to get someone to take you when you need to go. Button got lost when she tried going alone the first time. Goblin-home is very big, so it’s easy to get lost if you don’t learn where everything is first. Button is still learning, but Truffle is always asleep, and Ivory is always busy, so I don’t get a lot of chances.”

<<Truffle?>>

“The goblin who made Button. The other goblin you saw earlier is Ivory.”

<<Good to know. Is this smelly place the shit-pit?>>

“Yes. Be careful not to fall in. You might end up getting spanked like I did.”

<<You fell in?>>

“No. But Ivory thought Button did, and that’s why I got spanked.”

I led my little sister inside and showed her the big crack that all pee and shit goes down. I also showed her the secret way of peeing that’s easier. Just stand up and go pee. It’s way easier than squatting down to go pee. She wasn’t going pee like me, even though I was showing her how.

“Why aren’t you going pee?”

<<I sort of already went… pee?>>

“Oh. I didn’t think about that.”

<<It’s okay. Now I learned where the shit-pit is for when I have to go next time!>>

“...do you think Button is a dumb mushroom-goblin?”

<<Why would I think that? I think you’re a great big sister for helping me out!>>

“Do you mean that?”

<<Yup. Want to be friends with me, Button?>>

“Glace won’t trick Button later?”

<<Nope. You help me, I help you. Anyone tries to trick you, I’ll help you trick them back! Just like we did with papa.>>

I gave my little sister a hug.

“We are big-friends now! We teach each other things we know, and we take care of each other!”

<<Alright, sounds good! Can I ask you to teach me more about this place? Like everybody who lives here?>>

“That’s easy! Button already knows all the goblins who live in goblin-home!”

<<How many goblins live here?>>

“Uh… I don’t know? Many many? Button isn’t good with counting more than her fingers yet.”

<<I can tell you that I already know Vera, Berry, um, there was an old goblin, Papa too, Diana, Orchid, Lilac, Ivory who I just met, You–Button… you also said there was someone called Truffle…?>>

“Right. Button will start at the beginning. Prima is the Guardian of the tribe and lives at the front of goblin-home. Then there’s Jewel who finds shiny stones, Lily who is a runt just like you, and Doll who lives just past her cave-hole. Then there’s Husband Ark and Vera’s big big cave-hole. Berry’s cave hole comes next, followed by here, the shit-pit. Ivory and the cave-hole Button shares with Truffle is where we just came from. Then it’s Pepper’s cave-hole, she catches fish and her room smells weird. Crow comes after that, followed by Toy, and then the empty cave hole that belonged to a Beast-talker, but she got killed when the Black-claws attacked her. After that, the last cave-hole belongs to Old One.”

<<Is that everyone? What about our sisters? Where do they live?>>

“Diana Artemis lives with Berry. Orchid and Lilac live with Lily. Oh! Button forgot all about her!”

<<Her?>>

“Special human-goblin. Heard her name was Stella, but she doesn’t want to be called that now.”

<<A special human-goblin? What do you mean?>>

“I heard about it from Truffle and Ivory. Husband Ark’s Human changed into a goblin a few days after I came out of Truffle. Now she lives at the front of the cave across from Prima.”

<<How does a human change into a goblin?>>

“Nobody knows! Not even the Old One, and she knows the most things. Vera was there when it happened, so she might know something, but she doesn’t talk much.”

Since we were done going pee and the shit-pit doesn’t smell good, I held her hand again and led her back out, where Ivory was waiting for us.

“What cave-hole do you live in?”

<<I live in the big cave-hole with papa and mama.>>

Hmm. The only goblin that lives in a big cave-hole with tricky Husband Ark is… Vera? And the only reason it’s allowed is because only Husband understands Vera, and she can also use stone magic like Husband.

“Is Vera the goblin that made you?”

She nodded.

“So that’s why you can do that!”

<<Do what?>>

“Talk without making any sound. You can use human stone magic to talk!”

My little sister stopped moving when I said that.

<<I just realized this now, but you can actually understand what I’m saying to you, can’t you?>>

“Uh-huh.”

<<How long did it take you to start talking?>>

“The day after I woke up for the first time. Ivory and Truffle said lots of things to me and I learned to speak gob.”

<<You seem to be the only goblin who can understand what I’m saying.>>

“Is that a bad thing?”

<<No. It makes me really happy. Can I ask you to talk for me if I need to tell someone something important?>>

“Button can do that!”

<<Then the first thing is, we need to tell papa that I want to stay here with you so we can get to know each other better and maybe play some games.>>

“Okay. Leave it to me!”

I tugged on her hand so we could go back to my cave-hole but she wasn’t moving.

“What’s wrong?”

<<Can you not pull me so hard? My legs hurt a little bit and it’s hard to walk.>>

“Want me to carry you?”

<<I know I’m a little goblin, but can you?>>

“Uh-huh. Button is strong.”

I squatted down and told her to put her arms around me. When I stood up with her safe on my back, I really thought that some of the mushrooms Truffle grows felt heavier than my little sister. This is bad. She’s really going to need someone to look after her. Diana, Orchid, and Lilac are busy hunting lately, so that means the only goblin she can count on is me.

When we got back into my cave-hole, I went straight to see tricky Husband Ark, and to tell him that I wanted Glace to stay with me in my cave-hole for a long time. Husband Ark said that since we became friends she could, but only if we didn’t leave my cave-hole or make Ivory angry.

Glace made one of those swirly-whirly lights from her hands and sent it flying over to circle around Husband Ark’s head.

“Oh, thing light way back? Big thank!”

He knelt down and gave the both of us a big hug. He might be tricky, but his hugs aren’t bad.

“Glace, Button good girl, not be mean sister, okay?”

I watched as she stuck out her tongue at him, and it made me want to do the same. Husband talked with Ivory and left her cave-hole with a few bones in his arms. With just us two, I pulled her over into my cave-hole, to get away from Ivory.

<<Looks like I can stay here for a while and play. What would you like to do?>>

“Button wants to learn about human stone magic.”

<<Okay. Just letting you know, it might be a little boring at the start.>>

“Button letting Glace know that so far nothing is more boring than watching mushrooms grow.”

<<What is the first thing you want to learn to do with magic?>>

And so, I told my little sister all about how I was strong. And how I also wanted to be more than a mushroom-goblin. She spent a long time sitting in my lap and I became familiar with the feeling she called mana.

While she sat in my lap as we sat on the floor near the mushrooms, Truffle had woken up and came out of her cave hole and noticed Glace.

“New strong one?”

“Vera made. Her name is Glace. She’s my little sister and new friend.”

I saw Truffle grin at me.

“Found your tree already?”

“Tree?”

“It's the Way of the Mushroom-goblin, Button. Find a good tree and stick to them. Grow up strong and tasty. It’s what I did with Ivory.”

“Button is not a mushroom-goblin!”

<<What’s wrong with being a mushroom-goblin?>>

“Look at her. She’s lazy.” I replied to Glace about Truffle.

<<What’s wrong with being a little lazy? Besides, mushrooms are super strong. I can only imagine how strong a mushroom-goblin is.>>

And so, made less angry by what Glace said, I began to listen and know more about what both Truffle and Glace already knew about mushrooms. How a mushroom chooses a tree, how it makes trades with the tree to make both of them stronger and lets them both be lazy together. And how a mushroom attached to a good tree is pretty much impossible to be separated from it once it lays roots.

Like Truffle, who made me into a mushroom-goblin just like her.

And like Glace, who after meeting for the first time, made me understand that she is my tree.

Someone I know I will be as inseparable from, as Truffle is from Ivory.

And why I knew what that strange square that appeared in front of me meant, without Glace needing to say, even though I couldn't read it.

It had the same feeling Glace had been making me try and feel throughout my body.  It was the magic that would connect us from now on.

I accepted it into me, and I became More.