Husband of the Goblin Tribe

Chapter Ten – In which Ark meets his goblin-in-law, names his first daughter, gets beaten up by Prima, and spends the night with Berry.

While waiting in the darkness for Prima to bring the next goblin or three for me to choose from, I must have fallen asleep. It really is disorienting to my circadian rhythm not having a steady source of light. I had found myself being woken up to the sound of plodding footsteps and incomprehensible chattering from outside my room, but not anything I could clearly discern and not a single one of the goblins outside had entered my room to let me know what was going on, or if there was some kind of emergency I should be prepared for.

Instead, I remained in the darkness not even knowing if it was night or day. I didn’t think for a moment that Prima would let me miss a night of giving gut-loading creampies to the remaining goblin females in the tribe, so I wondered if whatever was going on out there had caused Prima enough trouble to forego selecting my goblin for the night?

I resigned myself to waiting around in darkness with some impatience until someone finally decided to enter my cavern.

“Human,” a raspy elderly-sounding voice spoke, not calling me Husband as all the others had thus far, which put me immediately on high alert. “Ugly Scar. What magic did you use on her?”

“No magic.” I answered the voice in the darkness.

“Lies. No goblin grows a swollen belly and has a child in one day without magic.”

“Child?”

The voice didn’t say strong one as I had expected it to. In fact, the way it spoke was eerily natural to my ears, as if it was speaking the human common language I had learned in this world perfectly.

“Berry gave birth?”

“I am the one asking the questions here, human. You will answer them.”

I sighed.

“I used no magic. Last night I gave her big seed many times, at least six or seven times as I recall. When I woke up the next morning, she was already gone from my room. She mentioned to me previously that her room was by the shit-pit, so I went to visit her just to see if she was doing okay. I came across her hitting the wall inside of her room with a jagged stone, saying she had to dig the wall in order to widen her room to make space for her future children. I asked if I could come in and help, to which she let me, and we both worked on chipping away at the wall. After some time of doing so together, we took a break and she offered me some berries to eat and wound up falling asleep on my lap. I was at fault for wasting seed with her after that, so if you need to blame someone for that, blame me, not her. She brought me back here as soon as we were done, and I haven’t done anything else but wait around here in my room for Prima to bring me the next goblin I am to choose to give my big seed to. I just woke up a little while ago and have been listening to many footsteps moving about outside my room and have had no one bother to come inside and tell me what is going on in the cave. I also figured it would be wise to not go out of my room right now for that exact same reason.”

There was a momentary quiet before the raspy voice spoke again.

“You will not fool me. Human magic is wicked magic! If I discover you are lying, I will kill you.”

“Look, I will offer you my own neck if I ever use any harmful magic I know on a person, goblin or not, who carries something made from my own seed.”

This time the old voice sighed.

“Get up, Human. Follow me.”

I got up, but as far as following her went, it was hard to do. I couldn’t see anything, after all, and the one with the old raspy-sounding voice hadn’t brought a torch along for my convenience. I had my hands out in front of me, feeling for any walls in front so I wouldn’t walk face-first into them, and felt a leathery hand grip my wrist.

“Walk.” She commanded, and I did as she asked, praying I wouldn’t stub a toe on something along the way.

When I arrived at the cave-hole where Berry resided, there were two other goblins there with her, not counting the raspy voiced one that brought me, which now came to light in the presence of the luminating torch in the room, as being something of an old ugly auntie-goblin. As for the other two I didn’t recognize either of them, and could only assume they were probably among the ones I would eventually need to embrace for a night.

“Berry?” I called out to her.

Berry was lying on her own straw bed that was drenched in blood around her crotch. There was a disgusting brain-like mass that was attached to the umbilical cord of the baby goblin and looked like it had a few bites taken out of it. The baby goblin in question was currently sucking milk from one of Berry’s breasts.

“Husband, Berry have strong one.”

She looked damn fatigued, but there was an air of happiness surrounding her at least. I wanted to dash over to her side immediately, but I held back, not sure if it would set any of the gathered goblins off. So I chose to offer words of comfort from where I stood by the entrance.

“Good for you, Berry. Is it a boy or a girl?”

“Boy? Why have boy?” Berry asked with a sudden look of confusion.

“Uh… why wouldn’t it be?”

“Human,” the old goblin next to me began speaking, “Males of other races can only make female children with female goblins, just as only females of other races can give birth to male goblins. Do you not know this basic fact?”

“No. I mean, there are certainly stories of human women being captured and raped, used as goblin breeding sows and usually dying after bearing two or three litters of goblins, but there aren’t any logs of what genders they spawned or stories of it ever happening to human menfolk, as far as I know.”

“You… are not the first.”

“I don’t doubt that I am. But, I’m just as confused about this situation as you are, I imagine. I know good and well that a full-term pregnancy and subsequent birth isn’t supposed to happen in a single day. For human females it takes nine moons, and that’s assuming we’re talking about human babies being made and not goblin ones. For that matter, I’ve never even heard of any kind of pregnancy magic in the first place, let alone whatever could do something like this!”

“I have talked with Prima. She says you know magic.”

“I do, but I can’t cast any of it without a focus orb or my magic wand in hand. Those things were taken from me presumably when I was captured, so I don’t even know who has them. Hell, I don’t even care who has them! Do I need them? I haven’t been treated badly here. I have been given a large cavern to sleep in, I have been given fire meat to eat each morning, I was let out into the sun today and didn’t even try to escape. I have given my big seed willingly to each goblin brought before me… I’m not asking for your trust, only to look at my actions and draw an obvious conclusion, that I’m not the enemy here.”

“Trust Husband. Husband give big seed, now Berry has big strong one. Only one, but big strong one. Let Husband come see.”

I felt the old goblin’s arm tug me forward by the wrist. I took slow steps until I was able to kneel down next to Berry. The small goblin she had resting on her chest was a leathery-brown color in the torchlight, not a deep green at all like Berry or light green like the others were. I reached out gently to stroke its tiny body, the thing… no–not a thing. My precious baby girl was still covered in blood, but it was a baby all the same.

“Is it really a big strong one?” I asked Berry.

“It’s twice the size a normal goblin child would be at birth.” The raspy voiced goblin answered in place of my baby’s mama. “It will be among the tribe’s strongest hunters in fifteen moons.”

“That’s a good thing, right?” I asked for clarification.

“Husband give Berry name. Can give strong one… strong name?”

Berry looked at me with pleading eyes.

“A strong name? Let me think for a bit.”

Berry looked to still be in a lot of pain, so I held one of her hands tightly.

“Berry, how about you help me pick one out?”

“Help pick name?”

“There’s a story among my people about a Goddess we used to revere. Before becoming the Goddess of the Silvery Moon, she was first simply the daughter of the God of Thunder and Sky. She was given rule of all the forests, and beasts found within, across the whole world. She was also a mighty Huntress, using a bow and arrows made of gold and having many followers. In some human cultures her name was Diana, in others it was Artemis. Which is why I think it might be better if you help me pick the one to give her.”

“Husband… Berry… greedy goblin. Want both names for strong one.”

“Shall we call her Diana Artemis then?”

I thoughtfully placed my hand on my wrinkly little goblin-daughter’s bald head and her body began to radiate a silver light for the briefest of moments. I was taken aback from it and pulled my hand away quickly, looking at my own palm that contained none of the silver light I saw. The residual silvery light itself was absorbed into the child Berry held.

“Human! What are you doing?” The raspy-voiced elder goblin shouted at me. “You are using wicked human magic!”

“I am not!” I yelled back. “And even if I was somehow able to use any without my magic wand or focus orb, I sure as hell wouldn’t use anything dangerous around a child!”

“What would stop you, Human? That child is a goblin, not a human.”

“So? Wasn’t it made with my big seed? That is enough for me to want to protect it, not hurt it!” I spat back at her with hostility.

More than anger showing on her face, she seemed ultimately confused when I said that to her.

“Old One… Husband stay with Berry tonight?” Berry had asked the old-voiced goblin, trying to diffuse the situation.

“No. Husband needs to give big seed to the next goblin.”

“Husband stay.” Came an authoritative voice from behind the elder goblin.

“Prima!”

“Husband pick two goblins tomorrow, give big seed both. Agree?”

“I agree.”

“Husband. Come back, talk later.” Prima then stated incontestably.

“As you say.”

“Come, old one. We talk now.”

“It’s not wise to leave him here alone.”

“Husband not harm them. If Husband do, Prima kill him. Throw Husband fire pit first, shit-pit last.”

The way she said it was ice cold. I had no doubt she meant every word of it. Not that I was about to kill my first child, even if she was a goblin in appearance. I had lovey-dovey consensual sex that turned into egregiously enjoyable sleeping rape halfway through with her mother the night before.

Where I come from, that counted for something as far as I was concerned.

I stayed with Berry throughout the night along with the two other goblins who also stayed in her room. They were there mainly to keep a watchful set of eyes on the child while Berry was going to be passed out from exhaustion after her sudden delivery. I took a peek at her messy downstairs, and god damn my daughter must have clawed its way out of her like a horror movie monster or something. I rather wished I hadn’t looked, and regretted that I didn’t know anything about obstetrics or proper first aid. I hoped she was as strong at self healing now as she was when she survived whatever gave her that scar, because I didn’t want her to die from any complications like hemorrhaging too much blood after giving birth.

The night was mostly uneventful. The female goblins took turns watching the baby while I lifted Berry’s head and slid my arm underneath her, letting her use it as a pillow. I stroked her face and hair and just kind of hoped she rested well. Diana had gotten around to eating the rest of the placenta attached to her umbilical cord, but not the cord itself. It just dangled onto the floor and dragged around. It would fall off soon, I figured. I didn’t feel like questioning goblin genetics and immunology. It’s well documented that they thrived and multiplied like cockroaches wherever they lived, so I’m sure this child of mine will be perfectly fine and healthy for now. Berry also understands the importance of cleanliness, so I’m doubly sure there was nothing to worry about immediately.

I hadn’t given names to these two goblins who stayed with Berry yet, nor did I offer to choose either of them as the two I would give big seed to tomorrow as per my agreement with Prima. I guess they were as close to friends as Berry had, because neither of them stole or raided from her at all, at least that I could tell. They did talk quite a bit, however, and I learned that one of them liked to make things out of bones, and the other grew mushrooms in her cave-hole.

I had also learned the truth about my room, and it wasn’t what I had thought at all.

It was a breeding pit, yes. But it wasn’t meant for or previously occupied by human females. Apparently, it was created immediately prior to my arrival. There was a concern by some being the two goblins–Mushroom-picker and Bone-taker–called the Great Protector that I might be claustrophobic. Well, the words they used meant as much, anyway. So, the room was made to be tall, wide, and deep for me. And by me, I meant that there was a plan in the works to capture a human male for the task of being a breeding stud to the goblins of this tribe, and me with my incredible luck just so happened to land the job.

Yay.

I also learned a bit about the elderly goblin who spoke near perfectly. They called her the old one, and apparently she was the sole surviving female from the time before this tribe of all female goblins became just that. She was around back when there were goblin men in the tribe, and she had tried to protect the goblin females who were all children of less than four moons in age from a large party of humans that had come to wipe out the goblin tribe they had all belonged to.

The humans had almost damn well succeeded at the time, having killed all the menfolk as well as most of the adult women. Only the Old One was alive, hiding in the furthest recesses of their original cave-home with these children when the Great Protector came and wiped out all the humans to the last man. The Great Protector then guided the remnants of their tribe to this cave, and told the old one to teach the young ones how to be proper goblins. When the time came, a suitable method of ensuring their future would be provided, and, ha ha ha, guess who that suitable method turned out to be?

Because of that explanation, I guess I can understand why the Old One is wary of me, since I’m a human. She’s right to be, too, since I am running the long con here, but she was wrong about the magic. I truly wasn’t using any magic, I didn’t lie about that. Without a wand or a focus orb, I really can’t cast spells. That’s because I’m a focus magician and not a formula magician. Most formula magicians are also students of alchemy, and that was way too much studying for me to really be all that interested in. I liked the whole whiz-bang side of magic far too much to want to play with an iron pot and dissected body parts only to make overcomplicated liquid aspirin.

There is no Paracelsus of alchemy here. No azoth or sorcerer’s stone. No transmuting lead into gold. Alchemy is by and large bogus chemistry without the periodic table of elements to prop it up as a proper field of science. Also, I have no idea what the atomic weights of Orihalcum, Mythril, or Vernir happen to be.

“Do either of you two know Jewel?”

They did. Well, knew her as Stone-seeker at least. As it turns out, many goblins liked the shiny stones she collected, and often traded with her for them. All goblins liked sparkly things, but Jewel was the best at finding them, or at least the best quality ones, anyway. I had half a thought that she might have a topaz since that was the case. If she did, I might be able to barter something somehow and clear my name a bit as far as the nature of the magic I could employ to help the goblin tribe in a productive way.

Berry had woken up from a small nap, and wanted to hold her baby again. Diana was asleep, but she cradled her protectively, and she was such a color that it almost blended into Berry’s deep scar.

“Husband. Diana strong hunter. Not use poison to hunt.”

“What’s wrong with using poison to hunt?”

“Only weak goblin need use poison to hunt.”

“It’s a smart way of hunting, though?” I countered. “You should teach her all about poisons. Even better if she becomes a goblin who uses a bow and arrow well. Teach her how to apply poisons safely to the tips of the arrows and she can hunt even better.”

“Use poison… on arrow?”

“Humans do it when they hunt. We put poisons that make the arms and legs of our prey feel heavy with sleep, so they can’t run far away once their skin has pierced, and are then easy to catch afterwards when the poison takes hold.”

“Husband smart. Diana Artemis strong. Berry teach all poisons for hunting.”

“Also, make sure to teach her where the tasty berries are.”

“Husband greedy for berries?”

“And Berry.” I said, flirting shamelessly with her.

“Husband not have enough of Berry?”

“Berry not have enough of Husband?”

“When fuckhole work again, Husband give more big seed?”

“As much as you want.”

She sighed happily, then groaned.

“Big pointy stick in shithole dig cave-hole now.”

“Husband, we talk.” A small bit of torchlight revealed Prima entering Berry’s cave-hole wishing to speak with me.

“Prima, good timing. Berry, I’m going to go talk with Prima for a little bit. I will come back hopefully with some good news for you.”

“Not go anywhere.” She said, and I carefully extracted myself from beside her, laying her head back down gently onto her straw bed. I gave her a kiss on the cheek, and one on Diana’s head too, and made my way out of the room to join a waiting Prima.

“Sorry if I caused a problem with the old one.”

“No problem Old One. Only problem not knowing what stupid inside Husband head.”

“Yeah. I’m about to cause you another problem then.”

“Maybe Prima tie up Husband so not cause problem.”

“I’m just trying to be useful.”

“Be useful, Husband only need give big seed all goblin tribe.”

“I’m not trying to get out of that. What I need is for you to take me to Jewel right now.”

“Why see Jewel?”

“I want to trade her a favor for one of her shiny stones, if she has a certain one I’m looking for.”

“Magic stone?”

“This is why I said it was going to cause you another problem.”

“Husband not ask Prima let use human magic?”

“Will you let me explain everything in detail before you tell me no?”

“I hit you first.”

“Okay.”

She slugged me right in the gut. If I had eaten anything besides those purple berries I shared with Berry earlier, I’d be barfing it up right now. I fell to my knees and gasped for air while clutching my stomach.

“Can…” I wheezed, “...I tell you now?”

“Speak.”

“Topaz. I want to see if Jewel has a topaz stone I can borrow for a little while.”

“Husband magic need topaz stone?”

“Yes. Magic to move dirt and rock–only dirt and rock. I want to use it on the wall in Berry’s cave-hole. To make it bigger since she didn’t have enough time to dig her room out before having her strong one… You can put your spear at my neck the whole time I’m doing it, I don’t care. That is all I’m going to use it for.”

“All Husband have say?”

“Yeah. That’s all.”

“Good. Answer no. Husband no let use magic. Ever.”

I didn’t argue further.

“Talk over. Go stay night Berry. No talk about magic again.”

It didn’t seem like I would be able to negotiate with Prima. I did take her up on her offer and spent the remainder of the night with Berry and Diana Artemis. I wasn’t about to give up on being allowed to use magic to widen her room, I just needed to think of the best way to go about getting permission…