I Don't Want to Be Loved

Chapter 200 – Déjà Vu

Translator – Yue

T/N: Long chapter today ? I need a break

Arc Stones were very valuable and extremely difficult to preserve. If left exposed to too much sunlight, they’d explode, destroying anything in its surroundings. Therefore, once mined, people always made sure of storing them someplace dark, with no chance of sun exposure.

“It seems like it. While I was busy with Ms. Viscount Olbach, I…”

Basil’s voice was charged with guilt. Once he heard they’d notice a suspicious woman, Basil immediately went after her. Once he’d captured her trying to assassinate the Queen, he tried going after the men who’d come with her, but they’d already escaped. A while later, they realized things weren’t over yet. Infiltrating Arc Stones into the Palace domains wasn’t that difficult, since Arc Stones had many usages.

“How many more stones are left in the Queen Palace?”

“We are still searching, but if we carry out a big-scale hunt, the Queen will surely notice what’s happening.”

Igor discreetly bit his tongue. He didn’t want her to worry too much since she was pregnant.

Basil spoke again, cautiously.

“So, I’ve been thinking… how about we send the Queen to the Villa for a while, Your Majesty?”

“…the Villa?”

“Yes. I think it would be best to send her to the Villa for a short time while we finish our search and make sure everything is safe. After all, it will be difficult to hide the fact that we are looking for Arc Stones inside the Palace. I also heard Mrs. Cessly say that the Queen might benefit from a change of scenery.”

Igor frowned. If possible, he wanted the Queen to stay inside the Queen’s Palace. How could he send her where the Queen Mother was when she now knew what she’d done?

However, Igor didn’t have a choice. Maybe Rihannan didn’t love the Queen Mother like before, knowing full well of her crimes, but there was no other safer place. And maybe, once the Queen Mother knew that Rihannan was pregnant, she’d be happy and care for her with kindness.

Igor let out a long sigh.

“All right. Send a message to the Queen Mother. Tell her Rihannan is with child and wishes to rest in the Villa for a while.”

***

Even Rihannan knew something strange was happening within the Palace. Yesterday, when she was choosing some articles to buy from the merchants, Mrs. Cessly received a message from one of the maids which made her frown, surprised. When Rihannan asked about it, Mrs. Cessly vaguely avoided her, saying it was nothing important.

Later on, the maids would avoid Rihannan’s gaze whenever she passed them by. They looked as though they’d faint if Rihannan were to ask them what was happening, so she didn’t dare say anything. And thus, Rihannan intuitively knew the people working in her Palace were hiding something from her. Of course, Mrs. Cessly included.

However, Rihannan didn’t press Mrs. Cessly for answers, like last time. She thought perhaps Mrs. Cessly herself didn’t grasp the whole situation, and also, maybe she was doing things in such way to avoid worrying her.

Thinking how things had changed so much since the beginning, Rihannan let out a bitter smile. Back then she was angry that she’d hidden information about Princess Rissel, but know Rihannan fully trusted Mrs. Cessly.

As Rihannan stared at autumn’s falling leaves from her window, she felt time had indeed passed by. This desolate scenery reminded her of Chrichton…

It should be snowing right now…

Rihannan’s eyes were filled with longing. During this time, whenever she woke up in Chrichton, the windows would be completely covered in snow. After pushing the frozen window frames open, her eyes would meet a vast snowy scenery, which she deeply longed for.

While thinking of her desire to go back to Chrichton as soon as possible, a surprising thought suddenly crossed her mind. If she were to go back to Chrichton, would she long for Arundell as well?

Longing for this kingdom, with the people she’d leave behind.

“My Queen, His Majesty is here.”

Rihannan was surprised of hearing he’d come without prior notice.

“Why so suddenly?”

“Well…”

Mrs. Cessly had still struggling to explain what was happening when Igor suddenly opened the door and entered. Mrs. Cessly made a gesture with her eyes, making all maids leave the room.

“I hope you have a nice talk. We’ll bring some tea soon.”

After saying that, Mrs. Cessly left the room, leaving the two of them alone. Then, a horrible silence ensued. With their mouths shut, they avoided looking at each other. Finally, Rihannan opened her mouth first.

“Please, have a sit.”

Even after sitting face to face, no more words were exchanged. When the servants came in with tea, only the sound of teacups being placed on the table was heard in that dreadful silence. Rihannan had to open her mouth once again.

“Can I ask the reason of your visit?”

“How about you stay in the Villa for a while?”

It was a very sudden question, just like his surprise visit. Rihannan was left speechless for a while. She didn’t expect Igor to say that, especially after what had happened in their past life.

“Are you telling me to leave this place and go with the Queen Mother?”

“That’s right, but…”

Rihannan remembered the crimes the Queen Mother had committed in her past life. She couldn’t understand why Igor was asking her to move in with her now that she knew what she’d done.

“Even if this suggestion of mine is quite sudden for you, I wish for you to carry it out.”

The question what’s wrong? reached the tip of Rihannan’s tongue, but she contained herself. She had wreak havoc not long ago saying she’d move in with the Queen Mother, so she would only make a fool of herself now if she said she didn’t want to go anymore.

“…alright. I will.”

When Rihannan answered obediently, Igor looked deeply relieved for a moment.

“I understand your feelings towards my mother are not as good after what I’ve told you, but she really does care for you.”

“Of course, I won’t show my opinion of her had changed. You don’t have to worry about that.”

Even though Rihannan was shocked by the crimes committed by the Queen Mother, those incidents didn’t actually happen in this life. It had been a while since she’d learned the truth, and she was quite glad that the current Queen Mother had no power to carry out those horrible acts now.

“When should I head to the Queen Mother’s villa?”

“You should leave tomorrow, immediately. I’ve already informed my mother of your pregnancy, so everything you need should have already been prepared.”

“…I see.”

Rihannan had previously tried moving into the Queen Mother’s Palace but Basil had hold her back, so she should be happy now that she could go where she wanted without any issues.

But she wasn’t. Listening to Igor saying that she had to leave tomorrow, immediately, made her feel as though she was being kicked out.

She remembered her past life. The whole Palace was filled with rumors. Whenever she asked the maids what was happening, they’d always tell her that nothing was wrong. Igor also avoided talking to her by saying that she should only worry about the baby. And, just like now, he suggested she stay over at the villa.

She felt a sense of déjà vu. She felt as though she’d experienced this before.

Even when there were clear differences between this life and the past, Rihannan couldn’t shake off this feeling. In their past life, Igor had also managed to strip the Queen Mother of her powers over the nation, albeit a bit later. Another thing in common was the fact that Leticia wanted him, and that now she was being send off to the Villa, as if she was being kicked out…

“I just have one question.”

Igor blinked many times. It looked as if he never expected her to ask any questions. In fact, he looked quite sour about it.

“Go ahead. I’ll answer anything.”

“Before, you said you found the feather three years after my death. My father… was he still alive at that moment?”

Rihannan thought that if something had changed between her past and current life, it was her father’s death. In her past life, her father was quite alive and healthy, but he’d died on this life. She thought that his death had happened because of her changing the future. But… what if he’d also died in her past?

“…No.” He lowered his gaze, avoiding her eyes. “Not long after you’d died, your father died as well.”

“Why…”

Rihannan was about to ask why and how he’d died, but stopped. For some strange reason, she had a bad premonition. She felt that after she’d died, Igor was too overwhelmed with problems he couldn’t endure.

“I see…”

Rihannan gave up asking further questions. She couldn’t make up her mind. Did she want to know more of what’d happened in her past life, or did she want to ignore it? Her emotions were in turmoil.

Alright, then. Thank you for answering.”

Rihannan rose from her seat. If she was to leave first thing tomorrow, she had to get ready.

“Then, just as you’ve said, I’ll leave tomorrow…”

“Rihannan.”

Igor grabbed Rihannan’s wrist. While she stared at him, surprised, he slowly let go of her hand.

Every time he did something like this, she felt more and more confused. Even though she now knew the Igor from her past and the Igor standing in front of her were the same person, they acted in completely different ways. Where was the man that used to look at her with loathing? The one who’d tell her hurtful words?

“…what I’ve said last time wasn’t true.”

“What are y-…”

“I do not want you to leave this kingdom while leaving your baby behind. What I want more than anything else is for you and our baby to remain by my side. I said what I said because I wanted to avoid you leaving me using any possible method.”

“…”

Listening to his sudden confession, Rihannan couldn’t find any answer in her mind. She thought she didn’t want to stay with Igor, and that the moments she’d spent with him made revolted her stomach, but in the end she couldn’t define any of these thoughts in her head.

While Rihannan kept her mouth shut, Igor nodded slightly and rose from his seat.

“Please, do not worry about what I’ve said. We’ll talk again, when you come back from the Villa.”

Igor quickly left her room. While staring at the closed door, Rihannan felt her strength leaving her body and collapsed on the sofa. What were his real feelings for her? If he’d mistreated her before because he had a hidden reason, then, did he deserve her forgiveness now, even though it was already too late? Is that why he’d done all these things now?

Then, that could only be complete selfishness from his part. There was nothing he could possibly do to make her forgive him for what he’d done in her past life. There was nothing that could fix the completely disastrous relationship they’ve had.

“I will never forgive you.”

Rihannan thoughts intensified. She could hardly contain the tears that were forming in her eyes. She hated Igor now more than she did in the past. At least, the man she’d met before had never tried to manipulate her.