I Fell For My Nemesis

Jocelyn wasn't able to get a hold of Avery until she was back at work. Waking up earlier to drag her slower-than-usual self to the subway station was exhausting and her knee hurt terribly. But her clients needed her so she off she went. 

They all wanted to know what happened and she had to make up a better story that didn't contradict the one she had already given John and Marie. At least most didn't ask too many questions. 

She got lunch from Keith as usual and he was very concerned about how she felt being up and about, which made her heart race for some reason. Why? He had been fussing over her ever since he found out she got hurt! What was different this time? 

He couldn't stay long because he had another delivery to make but he promised to come over as soon as he was off work. She barely managed to hold herself together. What did this mean? What was wrong with her?!

Jocelyn didn't know but she did need to eat. She remembered to text Avery when she finished and received a text back asking if she could call now. 

A glance at the clock showed there wasn't enough time left of her limited lunch break. Avery offered to talk once she was back home because Christian would be able to watch Bailey then and she could give her undivided attention. 

That worked. Keith got off later than she did anyway. This was not a conversation he could be party to. 

Jocelyn forced herself to get through the rest of the day, made it home with much difficulty, She took as quick a sponge bath as she could and did her best to wash her hair in the sink before changing into her pajamas. She had gotten into the habit of being ready for bed before he came over because he had to help her onto her air mattress and didn't want to make him wait around longer than necessary. 

She checked to make sure she still had time before calling Avery. She picked up on the third ring surprisingly cheerfully considering Jocelyn had sort of stalked her family the other day and begged for help. 

"Hi, Jocelyn! So what exactly was it you wanted to talk to me about? You mentioned it involved your best friend."

"Yes…we had a couple of conversations both as Jocelyn and Frostine that were very similar and I was able to put the pieces together. They aren't aware I know and I don't know how to tell them. I'm afraid they'll be upset with me."

"If you figured it out by accident that isn't your fault. I don't see why they would be upset unless they have a problem with one of your identities. That was my issue," Avery said. 

"That isn't it. We're friends in both identities. But…well…they told Frostine they liked their best friend. It couldn't be anyone but me. Do you have any idea how weird it is sitting there hearing someone talk about how beautiful and smart and funny you are without being able to acknowledge they're talking about you?" Jocelyn asked somewhat desperately. 

"Oh. I can see how that would be weird."

The rest of it poured out in a rush. Now that she had said one part of what was on her mind she couldn't stop herself. 

"They said they can't afford to lose me and I can't afford to lose them either, especially now that I've seen how much they care about me. I got hurt and they've been doing so much for me coming over every day and taking care of things I can't do on my own and keeping me entertained as it feels like everything is falling apart. 

"I think they really like me and I can't let them know that because they would be embarrassed and I haven't sorted out my feelings about them. I can't because once I do there's no going back and I'm not even 100% sure they are who I think they are. 

"They might not like me romantically at all. They could be two separate people. It just seems incredibly unlikely since I was right about you and your husband. I'm cursed to guess people's secret identities, I suppose.

"So what am I supposed to do? How did you do it? Mer—sorry, Christian—said you figured it out first. How were you able to work things out? You're the only person I can think of who has some experience with this sort of thing and I need help."

Avery's voice was sympathetic when she responded. "That's an awful lot to deal with. I wasn't 100% sure either and that was the justification I used for pursuing him because it really is too ridiculous to date your nemesis. But I was already basically sure by the time it was confirmed for me. You said it was because of some conversations you had. What exactly was it?"

"My best friend talked to me as me about changing jobs since they've bounced around as a food delivery person for years and wanted to commit to a real career but didn't know where to start. 

"Then my other friend asked for very similar advice because they want to retire. Too many things added up for it to be anyone else after that. I missed it all this time because they act differently in different situations," Jocelyn said helplessly. 

"But now they don't?"

"No. We both started acting more like ourselves and that clued me in further. Their senses of humor are so similar! I've had to be so careful not to slip up and let him know I know. Originally, I was thinking I could just keep it to myself indefinitely since he's retiring but since we're getting closer I feel like I shouldn't. I don't want to have secrets from him but I don't know what to say."

"I see your problem," Avery replied in a thoughtful tone. "But since you know they like both sides of you I don't think you have to worry too much. You do have some sort of feelings for them, don't you? Otherwise you wouldn't say you can't afford to lose them."

"They're my only friend. I…never planned to get involved with anyone romantically. I don't know if I like them or if I'm lonely and desperately clinging to the one person who doesn't think I'm made of ice," Jocelyn confessed. 

"But it isn't fair to them not to have my feelings sorted and I'm terrified that if we do both like each other that we'll somehow manage to mess it up and then I'll be alone again. I can't go back to the way things were before now that I know how nice it is to have someone want me around."

"I understand. Really, I do. I was afraid Christian would hate me because I was Nox but he didn't. He just wanted to understand and help me. If your friend truly does care about you I think you'll be able to work through this." 

Jocelyn felt some of the tension leave her shoulders. She knew Keith cared about her. She knew Delta cared about Frostine too, if not to the same extent. 

He was afraid of not being liked for who he was. He should understand that she was the same way, shouldn't he? But what if he didn't? What if he still got angry and embarrassed and decided she wasn't worth it after all? She had been causing him a lot of trouble lately even without factoring in the secret identity mess. He might think she wasn't worth the hassle.

"But what if I do lose him over this?" she asked fretfully. 

"Then you never truly had him in the first place," Avery said wisely. "I know it's scary but it worked out for me way better than I ever dreamed it could. I was so convinced it would end terribly and so was my best friend, who didn't even know he was Mercury. Just that I was getting married to a lawyer. 

"If Christian can love me enough to stay with me when I was his nemesis and caused him nothing but trouble for years I think your best friend who likes both sides of you should be okay with a little bit of embarrassment and having to have a mature adult conversation.

"But if he doesn't, he doesn't. That's how life works. Sometimes you get disappointed but you have to keep moving forward anyway. I'm sorry if that isn't what you want to hear. I really do think things will be okay for you though. This is just backup encouragement." 

Jocelyn laughed at the very concept of backup encouragement despite her stress. Avery was an interesting person. She could see why her husband had been intrigued by her. 

"Thanks. I appreciate it."

"No problem! How are you holding up with your injury? Are you going to have to retire?" Avery asked. 

A pit formed in Jocelyn's stomach. She had been trying not to think about that. "I am. They removed part of my kneecap so it isn't as if I have any other choice.. I have no idea how to deal with retirement since my whole adult life has been devoted to being a hero."