Chapter 142 - Dreaming Hurt
Keith's desire to see Joss on a daily basis only got stronger when he wasn't seeing her every day anymore. He had studying to do and she had that painting class on Tuesday and Thursday nights. He tried to fit all of his studying in then so he could still see her every other day but it wasn't the same.
He texted her when she wasn't at her class but that was a lot different than seeing her in person. He wished they didn't live so far from each other so he could pop by whenever without having to plan ahead of time.
Honestly, he didn't want to have his own apartment anymore. He wanted to have one with her.
He didn't know if she would want such a thing but he did. He really, really did. Having someone to come home to at the end of the day had always been a foreign concept to him but if it was Joss…
Keith couldn't think like that. They didn't even have an officially defined relationship. Of course she wouldn't want to move in with him.
Dreaming hurt. He knew that better than most because that was all it had done since he was very young. He hadn't ever wanted to have dreams only to have them crushed. Yet here he was dreaming of a real future with someone. It absolutely terrified him.
Joss was such an easy person to be around. He didn't have to be anyone but himself. He didn't have to keep a mask on physically or metaphorically with her now that they had cleared the air about their identities.
He never would have harbored such dreams with anyone else. It had to be her. She was special—no one else accepted him exactly as he was.
Living with people who didn't was exhausting. He was never exhausted because of her. Even when he had been running around doing all sorts of errands and chores for her when she was hurt didn't wear him out because he was still able to see her and spend time with her.
She had a relaxing presence. Maybe it was because she was so calm most of the time.
Whatever the case, Keith loved being around her. So why wouldn't he want to live with her instead of by himself? He far preferred her company to being alone so it made sense despite how scary it was.
He didn't dare bring it up when things were so uncertain though. He didn't know what she wanted. Heck, she didn't even know what she wanted!
Patience was key. He couldn't screw things up so he had to go at her pace. What he wanted didn't matter as long as he didn't lose her. Having her a little was better than not having her at all.
Unfortunately, knowing that didn't change the fact that he wanted more. He wanted all of her to himself. Her smile…her laugh…the way she lit up only in front of him because she was comfortable with him.
How could he push her and risk losing that? She was completely different around others than she was around him. More closed off. A seemingly impenetrable wall of ice.
Behind that ice was the most wonderful person Keith had ever met. He couldn't deny that he was afraid of other people seeing how amazing she was and taking her away from him. He knew it was stupid and selfish but couldn't stop himself from worrying.
If Joss opened herself up to other people she might not need him anymore. And if she didn't need him she might find herself a better offer and leave. He wouldn't be able to bear that since she had completely changed the course of his life.
He tried not to think like that. She was here, she cared about him, and she promised she wouldn't get sick of him. He needed to relax.
"Can I get a large tiger's blood?" someone asked, snapping him out of his thoughts.
Keith was in the middle of helping Joss run her snow cone stand. She was in charge of making them while he handled sales. They had gotten a permit to set up shop in the park after doing a lot of trial and error to get the consistency right.
She managed to figure out how to make it as fluffy as actual snow and their customers preferred that to the chipped ice sort of snow cones. The process of setting up shop wasn't as difficult as they had thought it would be. All they had to do was work out of a modified shed.
Joss had good credit so getting a small startup loan hadn't been a big deal. With the way sales were going they should be able to pay it off completely by the end of the summer and still have enough left over to go on a trip somewhere.
It helped that they weren't paying for a snow cone machine. She WAS the snow cone machine. All they had to do was account for the shed and the flavorings.
"Absolutely! That will be three dollars."
The customer handed it over as Joss filled a large cup with snow and began generously pumping tiger's blood flavor on it. She gave it to him to pass on and he smiled at the customer as he exchanged it for the three dollars.
"Would you like your receipt?"
"No, I'm good. Thanks!"
"Have a great day!" Keith said before helping the next person in line.
He really shouldn't be letting his mind wander while he was working. They were a two-person operation so their hours were limited. Joss did this by herself while he was finishing up his shifts at work and when he was volunteering but she far preferred having him here because things went more smoothly.
Even with limited hours on weekdays they had no shortage of customers. That was how good these snow cones were.
Keith still couldn't believe Joss went along with his ridiculous idea so easily. He had mostly been joking when he brought it up originally but she rolled with it anyway.
They were planning on using the money they made by the end of the summer to go to Florida. She had never been to an amusement park before and he thought that was a crime. They would be going to Disney World, Universal Studios, NASA, and the beach while they were down there for a week.
He hoped that was enough variety that she would be able to find something she liked while they were there. If nothing else it would be a new experience for her. She enjoyed those overall even if it wasn't for something she was particularly interested in.
Keith was really looking forward to it. He had been to Disney World once when he was in foster care and had a good time but he hadn't been in over a decade.
Mostly he was excited about seeing Joss's reaction to everything. She was quite familiar with Disney movies. Her youngest clients raved about them and she had been curious enough to watch a bunch of them while she was laid up.
Her perspective on things should be interesting as always. She had the most unique insights into the world around her sometimes. He loved listening to her talk about them. She thought she was boring but really she was quite the conversationalist.
She said the most surprising things sometimes. It kept his life interesting.
Keith and Joss carried on the way they usually did until the park closed. They locked up the shack and were sure to take the money from the cash register with them (this was New York, after all) when they headed out.
She preferred keeping it in her wallet and putting it back the next time she went to the shack. She was capable of defending herself perfectly fine if someone tried to mug her but couldn't protect the shack from a distance when she was somewhere else.
He slipped his hand into hers and smiled at her. "We ended up making $443.50 today."
"Not bad for a weekend! If we keep this up we might be able to take our trip sooner than expected," she replied.
Their original plan was to aim for December in case they weren't able to afford everything solely by doing this over the summer. But the way things were looking they might be able to go in October instead.
That might be for the best. It would be super crowded in December because of all the kids on Christmas break. They might not be able to ride as much that way.
Keith didn't mind hanging out in a tiny shack with Joss to make that happen. They both had stools to sit on and didn't even need air conditioning because of her powers. She kept them cool and comfortable in the heat.
More accurately, she kept him cool and comfortable. She didn't need it since she didn't experience hot and cold the way most people did.. It was one of the many ways she was considerate of him and he appreciated that more than he could say.