In This Life, I Will Be The Lord

Chapter 218

"What are you doing?" I said, removing Perez’s hand from fiddling with my necklace.

His eyes still felt hot, but I didn’t make any more eye contact.

"Like this."

I covered the necklace with the shawl after returning it to its place. And then I pulled the string hard and tied it up.

The glowing red ruby was no longer visible.

"I’m burying us," I spoke as calmly as possible.

"There is no future between you and me. It’s just a relationship that will end someday."

"Deputy Head—"

Perez tried to say something but I cut him off.

"Now that I’ve succeeded Lombardy, I can take breaks, but what about the Emperor?"

Perez kept his mouth shut but his eyes told me that he has so much to say.

My heart ached at his sorrowful face.

"You must defeat the Empress and you must be appointed as the Crown Prince. And then you’ll have to spend your time as the Crown Prince being wary of all things so that you’ll become the Emperor. Are you still going to continue your relationship with me, who can’t be an Empress?"

I shook my head.

Even with Perez, there are limitations.

"At this rate, Your Highness will achieve nothing."

When I saw Perez, my heart that was pounding again was slowly sinking.

It was right to sort out our relationship here and now for the both of us.

"It’s a very long journey for the Prince to become the Emperor. And the Imperial knights were divided in half right now, right?"

Perez nodded silently.

I am glad that you are taking my words well.

But apart from that, I felt another painful throbbing in my heart.

I put my hand on Perez’s chest, hiding my expression as much as I could. It was the place where also my heart ached.

"That’s why we should bury our feelings. We each have something to accomplish. And then at some point..."

It’ll all go away.

I was going to say that.

But my lips won’t open.

I couldn’t bring myself to say that.

It was because I wasn’t sure myself either.

Will this heart of mine really forget as time passes?

Will all the desire to hurt a person as this disappears?

At that time, Perez held my hand that was on his chest.

It was a frighteningly warm hand.

And slowly, he pulled my hand and gently rubbed his face in it while his gaze deeply fixed on me.

At that moment my heart sunk.

It was because I realized that what I said a while ago did not push him away, but instead stimulate him more.

"If I bury my heart, it will not disappear."

Unlike me, Perez said with conviction.

"Deputy Head."

A voice that was as hot as my body temperature called me.

"Is it okay for me to accept someone else as the Empress? Can I stand side by side with her while we smile at each other?"

There was something that came to my mind.

Perez and Ramona stand together in front of the crowd and cross their arms.

It was a memory from my previous life.

My heart hurts incomparably more than before, so I had to clench my teeth.

Meanwhile, Perez came closer.

"Am I supposed to have children and grow old together for the rest of my life with someone else? Is the Deputy Head confident to watch it from afar?"

I’ll be able to watch.

But whenever Perez is happy and laughing with someone else, I’ll be crying without anyone knowing.

I closed my eyes tightly to erase the dark future that seemed to be being painted right in front of me.

Perez carefully lifted my chin and made me look at him.

We are now looking at each other with a distance of a breath away.

"I can’t."

His voice became murky.

"No one other than me can stand beside you."

Perez’s red eyes glowed over me, like the ruby I hid a moment ago.

"Just imagining that the Deputy Head is marrying someone other than me...."

Perez’s voice shook very dangerously.

"I’m getting angry."

Like I did a little while ago, Perez put my hand on his chest.

Thump. Thump.

A strong beat, albeit not fast, is pounding dangerously as if it were going to come out of his chest.

"If I don’t pierce the heart of that man, who doesn’t exist, I’m going to explode in anger." Perez whispered in my ear before his lips were approaching mine.

Then he kissed me, pressing his lips onto mine so fervently.

Once, twice. It engulfed me like a wave that came over me countless times.

Perez, who kissed me in one breath and at some point looks like it would last forever, stopped.

He said to me lightly as his lips touched my forehead.

"Like this, I will put my lips on the Deputy Head."

Then Perez’s lips dug into my exposed neck.

"I’m the only one who can do this."

The vibration of his lips as he talked tickled my skin.

"It must be me. Only me and no one else."

Slowly pulling away, Perez looked at me with unbearable eyes.

"And there’s one thing you’re misunderstanding."

However, Perez, who messed up my hair and clothes with his kisses, was now as sweet as the well-tamed wolf.

"The Deputy Head of Lombardy is exactly what I want. I want neither the crown nor the throne, but you."

Perez’s fingers lightly brushed my lips.

"You being mine. That’s exactly what I want." Perez smiled tenderly as he said so.

"The rest are just bonuses, Deputy Head of Lombardy. And I’ll do anything to get what I want."

"Perez, you..."

Who are you?

The guy in front of me was unfamiliar.

For a moment, it seemed that I saw the dark side of the guy I hadn’t known before.

Click.

Perez leaned towards me and opened the door behind my back.

Woosh.

The cold air outside blew into the office.

My body trembled and it gave me goosebumps. It was like waking up from a dream.

"Then, shall we go save the Deputy Head’s cousin?"

Before I knew it, Perez came back to his usual form and asked me.

***

"I’m not going!"

What are you saying, you shitty bastard?

Stubbornly, Bellesac sat with his arms tightly crossed and said such absurd words.

"I’d rather be safe here where the Imperial Knights can protect me!"

"Didn’t you say he was packing up to go back to Lombardy?" I said as I looked up at Perez.

"It seems like he changed his mind." Perez said with an expressionless face.

But I know that he is annoyed. Very annoyed.

Perez’s eyes were slightly narrowed.

"Haa..."

I, too, had no choice but to sigh in irritation.

I’m already annoyed at the fact that I have become a Deputy Head and that my first job is to get Bellesac out of the Imperial palace’s custody.

"Bellesac Lombardy, you’d better think about it carefully."

Are you going to refuse my help?

Bellesac slightly flinched at my words, and immediately looked at someone with anxious eyes.

I quickly followed that gaze.

An Imperial Knight?

What Bellesac looked at momentarily was a Knight standing silently with his hand behind his back at the door.

"Sir, what is your name?"

"...I’m Olka Barraport, a member of the 1st Knight Division."

Aha.

I had a rough idea of what was going on.

I spoke to Perez.

"Will you send the Knights out for a while, Your Highness?"

"....Get out."

At Perez’s command, the Knights emptied the room.

Now it was just me, Perez, and Bellesac in the interrogation room.

"Hey, Bellesac."

I looked down at Bellesac sitting on the chair and said, "You idiot."

"Ah... You’re cursing at me again, you..."

"Even if I give you a lifeline, the fact that you don’t even know that it’s a lifeline, you really are an idiot."

I clicked my tongue.

"While Perez was away for a while, what did that Barraport Knight tell you?"

Bellesac did not answer.

I was just wondering if he would talk to me with that stupid head of his.

So I told him instead, "I bet the Empress must have told you that Perez and I were trying to make you the culprit."

"Well, that...!"

"She must have said that the people of Lombardy couldn’t help you if you followed me back so just stay here."

I didn’t even have to ask, ’Am I right?’

Bellesac’s eyes were shaking, seemingly nervous.

"And that’s when you fall for it, you idiot."

At my last words, Bellesac was looking like he was going to throw harsh words at me but shut his mouth again.

"I don’t have enough affection to persuade someone who doesn’t even want to go."

But I am the Deputy Head of Lombardy.

At least, as long as Bellesac still carries the surname of Lombardy, he is under my responsibility.

"So I’ll give you one last chance, Bellesac."

I sighed loudly and said gravely, "Take your bag and get on Lombardy’s carriage."

Bellesac’s fingers twitched nervously.

After thinking about it for a long time, Bellesac eventually said, "I’m not going. I said I’m not going."

"You’ve finally decided to trust them."

"I’m sure mother and the Barraport family...."

"Mother?"

Do you mean Serral?

Before I could ask any more questions, Perez intervened.

"Leave him be, Deputy Head."

Perez’s gaze was cold as he looked at Bellesac crouching down.

"Didn’t you say it’s safer here?"

Perez surely was pissed off.

"A witness says that he won’t go, then we can’t force him."

That’s an absolute rule.

I shook my head and spoke to Bellesac.

"It’s your decision. Don’t regret it."

"Regret...I will not." Bellesac said stubbornly.

"Idiot."

Bellesac, who doesn’t have the brain to figure out the situation, can only build up his self-esteem.

He hasn’t changed since his previous life when he slapped me on the cheek.

***

Bellesac was asleep after a long time.

Since he was detained, he couldn’t fall asleep easily because of his anxiety.

He drank the drink that came with the dinner and fell asleep comfortably.

He didn’t want to get out of his worry-free dreams.

However, in an instant, he felt his body was turning upside down.

"Gasp!"

Bellesac opened his eyes with terrible pain in his throat.

There was still nothing but darkness in the room.

"Haa! Uh! This...!"

As he struggled because he couldn’t breathe, someone’s knees pressed against his back suppressing Bellesac’s body deeper into the bed.

And

His throat tightened, unable to breathe with a small sound of pulling something.

"Die fast, you bastard."

It was Olka Barraport, a voice that Bellesac knew.