Jujutsushi Wa Yuusha Ni Narenai

Chapter 91: Team DQN

“... I can’t, believe it.”

I was in a fairy square. Just when I had thought that all hope was lost and gone, I ended up joining another party of classmates and we’d used the transfer circle to safely teleport into the next fairy square.

“Shit, doesn’t that mean that If I’d only waited for a while longer, I wouldn’t have had to engage in that death match with Higuchi…?” I was thinking on useless what-ifs. What if nobody had died before he, before Tendo Ryuichi arrived… if that had happened, the rest of us wouldn’t even matter. My vengeful curse, Masaru’s undying friendship, and Higuchi’s relentless greed; it’d all have been meaningless in front of Tendo Ryuichi’s awe-inspiring strength.

“He’s OP as fuck. On par with Souma-kun’s Hero calling no joke.”

I got the chance to witness that power firsthand in the battle with the boss, with the goliath (temp name) that happened just earlier.

The powerful monster waiting inside the boss room was just as Masaru had described: very similar to the the Goliath from Undead Bounty. It had the figure of a gorilla on steroids, with bulging, veiny muscles all over. It sported horns on its head like an oni from folklore, and its body was covered with grey, metallic carapace like an armorbear.

Yeah, no shit Higuchi was trying to find a loophole, just look at it. Was my initial impression of the muscle-bound monstrosity. And its looks hadn’t been for show either.

“Seriously, what’s he even supposed to be? He doesn’t feel like a Hero, but he’s clearly not something bland like Swordsman or Warrior either. Wait, don’t tell me he’s the Demon King...”

I’d watched Tendo-kun fight the goliath from the door to the room that he’d left ajar when he entered. The goliath, seeing its prey casually enter its lair, raised a dizzying howl, ready to pounce at any moment. While on the other side, Tendo-kun generated a bright golden magic circle at his hand, and the next thing I knew, he was holding a huge, red sword.

Speaking of bigass swords, the largest one I’d encountered was the claymore Yokomichi had, ‘was’ being the operative term. Tendou-kun’s sword was a lot bigger. Not only was it close to 2 meters in length, its blade was abnormally thick and girthy. I seem to remember that real life two handed swords go up to 2 meters, but they’re a lot thinner, and made only as heavy as 3 kg so that they’re actually practical.

Tendo-kun’s big, red murder-stick however, spat on the principles of real life physics, and looked truly like the epic cover-art tier blade an RPG protagonist would use. No ordinary human could carry that giant lump of metal. Heck, I’d be a pancake if it dropped on top of me.

And yet, Tendo-kun had been holding it up with one hand, not breaking one drop of sweat. Carrying it wasn’t all he did, of course. With blitzing speed, Tendo-kun delivered an overhead slash toward the goliath. At the same time, his sword burst in crimson.

The result: Not only had the ground underneath charred in red, but the goliath was instantly split vertically in two. Its left and right where flung in opposite directions as bright flames wrapped them up. In the time it took gravity to carry the two halves back to the ground, they were nothing but charred meat.

The battle with the goliath ended in one fell swoop and we all teleported here to this fairy square, end of flashback.

“I’d definitely be safe with Tendo-kun around… yeah no.”

I mean, if they insisted that we should all work together and look out for each other, I’d be more than happy to oblige, really… but I personally had doubts as to whether I could even get along with Tendo-kun’s team.

Just looking at the members told me that. We have Tendo Ryuichi, the class’ number one delinquent, the guy that even the meatheads from Black High feared, along with the top three gals of our class. Basically, not one of them could be described as an upstanding student. In other words, they were Team DQN, consisting of a completely different race of people compared to someone like me.

I mean, sure, I might’ve called them gals or delinquency according to the behaviour they showed in their corner of the classroom, but they must’ve also made compromises on that after having survived in this dungeon. That being said, I still don’t know anything about them, their callings, how they’ve been living all this time, their goals, nothing. Yeah, what if one day they suddenly decide to get rid of me, like “Momokawa, just fuck off~” I can totally see them casually dropping a line like that.

Basically, I need more info.

The first major hurdle would be actually talking to them… I mean, I guess the pick would have to be Rando Kyoko. No no, I’m not saying that because I like big knockers, mind you. She was, after all, the one who invited me to join their party. Tendo Ryuichi and the other two girls don’t seem to give a damn, so I can’t really expect a conversation from them even if I went for it. Rando-san it is.

Not to mention that, for a while now, Tendo-kun was being flocked by those two girls on both sides who kept singing his praises. I heard terms like, “So cool” or “That was awesome” fly about, the kind of stuff you pay for in a hostess bar, but free of charge. Tendo-kun didn’t look all that happy about it though, since he had just laid down to relax.

At any rate, I’m simply not ballsy enough to attempt an interruption to whatever they have going on over there.

Which leaves me only Rando-san, who was sitting a ways away from them, at the corner of the fairy square’s fountain.

Actually, even if I kind of feel nervous, thinking back… I’ve had experience talking to Souma Sakura and the rest of that aggravating Worst Harem Party, so I can definitely talk to a girl. I’m even used to them talking to me like I’m trash.

“Rando-san, can we talk? I wanted to ask a few things.”

“Ah~, heya Momokawa. Sure we can talk―― ”

Standing in front of Rando-san like this is pretty daunting, to be completely honest. Her hotness was in the complete opposite vector from the pure, and virtuous beauty of someone like Souma Sakura. I mean, her shirt was half unbuttoned, revealing that captivating cleavage; she wore her skirt short, which put on display those thicc meaty thighs and, oof, wait, please don’t cross your legs to the other side while I’m looking. It’s extremely deadly.

So as I kept my urges in check, I faced Rando-san who seemed to gush in sensual pheromones.

“ ―― after you wash up, kay? You stink.”

“Ugh! I’m, so sorry...”

Dead. I can’t believe I’m dead. Having a girl say I ‘stink’ completely ripped out my heart…. I was too naive. My resistance toward my elemental weakness of ‘girls’ hadn’t nearly developed as much as I estimated.

I felt like crying, and decided to promptly go to the other side of the fountain so that I could abide to her suggestion, which is when she caught me.

“Don’t struggle, hey. I’m gonna get all this gunk off.”

“Eh, huh… wha, wai!?”

I suddenly found myself having my face wiped by Rando-san. In her hand was a wet handkerchief that she was using to scrub away the mud and dried blood off my face. The cold, rubbing sensations were giving me a pleasure unlike―― hold it, since when did I have that fetish!?

“Huh, Momokawa, you’re...”

“Wha WHat aRe-!” My voice squeaked as my mind went into a raging panic. Rando-san suddenly moved in close, and while she kind of had a ton of makeup on, she still had a really pretty face under all that, which wasn’t good for my heart at all.

“You’re pretty cute, you know that? A little bit of makeup and you’d look amazing.”

“... Uh huh.”

“Trust me~, I can make you look totally fab.”

“No thank you.”

“Aww, come on. You got such nice, clear skin, and look it’s so soft and bouncy~”

“No seriously, I’m not interested in thwat sowt ob―― hey, stop it.” I mean, she suddenly started playing with my cheeks what am I supposed to say? It’s not like I disliked the feeling, but in this context, I can hardly consent.

“Come on~ you’ll be in good hands with me~”

“Please no!”

“Ah, yeah, you’re really dirty all over, huh. Kay, Momokawa, take ‘em off.”

“Haaa!?”

Okay, time out. She’s changing subjects way too fast for me to follow. And did she just tell me to strip down?

“Take of your clothes, hey. Want me to do it?”

“Wait, no, I don’t...”

“Chill, dude. I’ve got lots of little brothers, so I’m used to it.”

“Well I’m not! What are you even saying!?”

“I’m saying I’m used to seeing the little pipsqueaks naked, so you don’t need to be shy, alright?”

“No no, that doesn’t make any sense――”

“Quit wasting time, you!”

I wanted to scream in embarrassment, but quietly took off my uniform, obeying Rando-san. The girl in front of me didn’t raise so much as an eyebrow as I stripped down to my underwear then and there. Sure, she might be used to seeing boys naked or whatever but… this feels so fucking weird.

“I’ll go ahead and wash these so you go and get some of those bugs. You know, the ones that fix clothes.”

“... Yeah, will do. Thanks, Rando-san.”

I changed into my tracksuit without incident, and went on to collect the mimesis worms like I was told. My uniform needed a wash anyway and there were some rips here and there that also needed fixing. I felt like I had to thank Rando-san out of courtesy since she was willing to do half the job.

Still, it’s downright alien to me how a girl could just casually take a half naked boy’s clothes and start doing laundry for him… it’s as if she’s got plenty of experience living with men already.

We can count out Higuchi since in his last words he essentially confessed to being in a relationship with Nagae-san and not Rando-san like I had previously theorized. Then that just means she could be going out with a college student, or maybe someone even older, who knows.

Actually, no. It doesn’t matter what her relationship status is. What I need to ask her about is her and this team of classroom misfits they’ve got going. Yeah, I’ll do just that once I’m done finding these worms.

“Heya, Tendo, do me a favor~” Rando-san called as I was making myself busy.

“What do you want, Rando?” Tendo-kun said drily.

“Can we like, wait till Momokawa’s clothes are dry?”

“Like, fuck, Kyoko, we’re not playing house ya know?” Quipped one of the girls beside Tendo-kun.

“Frickin’ read the mood, Kyoko.” Said the other.

“Yeah whatever,” said Tendo-kun, “you two can stay here. I’mma go take a walk.”

“Thanks,” said Rando-san, “‘preciate it~”

“Nah, I was just getting bored anyway.” Tendo-kun roused his body up from the ground like a lion waking up from his afternoon nap. As he declared so, he headed toward the door out of the square to make a survey of the the new zone.

“Hey wait for me, Tendo-kun~!”

“I’m coming with too~!” The two girls flocked right behind him as he left, one carrying a spear and another carrying an axe, with sub blades hung at their waists. From the practiced manner with which they held their weapons, I could guess that they had melee warrior type callings.

Descriptions aside, what was with that oddly strained conversation just now? Tendo-kun seemed normal enough, but those two girls had real acid in their tone.

Wait wait wait, does that mean Tendo-kun likes Rando-san!?

Damn, and I thought he was going for Class Rep… no wait, maybe this explains why he always got so heated up with our female class rep all the time. Plus, him and Rando-san kind of make a good pair, at least, appearance-wise. I mean, they’re both bleached blond and all.

Which means that those other two girls, who are very obviously trying to get his attention, would be facing the barrier called Rando-san, thus their attitude. It also explains why Rando-san has been sitting away from them.

And here I thought they were good friends, seeing as how they always seemed to be in their little gal group in class…. Yup, friendship really is a fragile thing in the harshness of the dungeon. As someone experienced in such matters, my advice would be to settle their differences and make up sooner rather than later. Yeah right, like I’m one to talk, eh Masaru?

“Soo, Momokawa.” Rando-san suddenly shot dialogue at me. “What kind of trouble have you been up to?”

“I’m guessing you’re asking me about life in the dungeon?”

“Yeah. Like, you don’t look strong at all, dude.”

I mean, if she looked at me and thought I was strong from only my appearance, I’d have to doubt if her eyes were working.

“... Rando-san, you don’t happen to have an appraisal skill do you? I mean like, can you see my mana or something?”

In a world with callings and their respective skills, one would be foolish to judge a person's strength by their appearance. Even a scrawny kid like me could be hiding unlimited potential for murder underneath. Case in point, Reina A. Ayase, the very definition of delicate little princess, is apparently a Spirit Master, an undeniably powerful calling.

“Uh, what? Yeah, sorry, I don’t follow.”

“Wait, when you say I look weak, you just mean I look weak?”

“Yeah, I guess?”

It was at this point that I felt like a complete idiot.

Here she was making a genuinely confused face like, ‘what else could it be?’ while my head was full of implications upon implications to her simple words.

Wait, maybe Rando-san’s the type that speaks exactly what’s on her mind?

“Well, I guess, yeah I am.” I answered. “I didn’t exactly get a steller calling from the gods.”

Sure there’s the fact that I won that fight with Higuchi and so objectively speaking, Shaman clearly isn’t the weakest of the callings, but that doesn’t mean I can prance around glorifying it at the best! Just the best! I mean, sorry Ruinhilde-sama, but I’m just not that good at lying.

“Wew,” she mused, “must’ve been a bitch coming this far.”

“Not entirely. I was with a trusty teammate along the way.”

“Ah~ yeah, makes sense. I’m pretty much the same, so I totally get you~”

Totally know that feel, Rando-san nodded to herself exaggeratedly. But was she really being sympathetic or internally sneering? I couldn’t tell looking at her ‘totally’ chill face.

“Soo, how come your alone now? Got lost?”

“It’s kind of a long story. Interested?”

“Totally interested~” She was unusually interested, making me suspect if she too was like me, collecting info. Well, it’s no big deal whether I go now or after, since I’ll have to tell them part of my circumstances sooner or later.

“Okay, where do I start, so my first teammate, and by that I mean a classmate was――”

I had to think about what and what not to mention while relating my story. I mentioned the basics, like meeting Mei-chan and about how we joined up with Souma Sakura and her party of girls.

“Uh hum,” Rando-san hummed inquisitively, “So you’re telling me you’ve been with the Miss Souma, Class Rep, Natsukawa, Kenzaki and even Tweety? Dayum Momokawa, that must’ve been a sight for sore eyes every day for you.”

“I’ll admit that they’re pretty, but they were a massive pain to deal with, I swear.”

Tweety must refer to Takanashi Kotori, with how she has ‘small bird (小鳥)’ literally twice in her name. So that’s what she’s being called behind her back. It’s certainly a lot less malicious than fat shaming Mei-chan with ‘Butaba.’

“I mean, like, they kinda feel like an all-star team right? I’ll bet they were all pretty strong too.” Rando-san said rather discerningly. Even she could look at them and see that that group of girls were just brimming with talent.

“And you’d be correct.” I validated her guess. “All of them got great powers. Well, Takanashi-san couldn’t fight, but she still made up for it with very useful support and production skills.”

I’m still mad jelly about her upgrade skill. With something like that, she can always equip the people in her party doing the actual fighting with top tier equipment.

And I’ll also add her ancient tongue skill to the jelly list. Not only is she able to use hidden functions in the fairy square fountains, she might also be able to find shortcuts through the dungeon like Higuchi’s sacrifice stone. It’s a skill with a ton of future potential.

“Kinda lost your meaning there, but neat.” Said Rando-san, in an expression of ‘kind of sort of impressed’. It appears that I can’t use any geeky terms with her. I’ll have to take my time and explain stuff in normal talk when I need to get her to understand.

“Okay, so how’d you end up separated, anyway?”

“Kenzaki Asuna pushed me out of the transfer circle right when we were about to jump to the next place, believe it or not. And all of a sudden, I’m completely alone, left behind.”

“Pfft! Pff Hahahahaha!!” Rando-san burst out laughing, “Holy crap, that’s hilarious!!”

“It’s seriously not funny.”

Seeing her painfully holding her sides in uncontrollable mirth felt weirdly fresh, in a way. Must be because I’m safe now and can look back on it.

“Legit, how do you even get pushed off like that,” She spat, not much a question than a retort.

“It just happened way too fast.”

How do you expect me to react to suddenly getting shoved from behind when I least expected it?

“Okay seriously though, pfft, why’d she even do that?”

I’d seriously like her to quit laughing right about now. Must’ve really tickled her funny bone imagining me tumbling off the circle like a buffoon. Yeah, whatever. She doesn’t seem to mean any harm. It’s all that bitch Kenzaki Asuna’s fault anyway.

“You could say Kenzaki-san doesn’t exactly have a good impression of me.”

“Wait, what!?” Rando-san shot with sober disbelief “Like, love is free and all but seriously, that’s your type? Momokawa, you’re a lot more daring than you look, huh.”

“Okay, can you please stop implying that I attacked her or something, because I didn’t, alright!?”

“Didn’t even touch?”

“I said no!”

What kind of animal does she think I am? Geez. Sure, Kenzaki Asuna technically falls within the busty babes category, but compared to the magnum opus of mammaries that is Mei-chan, she’s nothing, nothing I say. My eyes wouldn’t even wander to such negligible knockers.

“Well, what did you do then?”

“I uh… can’t say.”

Yeah, no. I do NOT want to explain why I was in a corner masturbating to yet another girl. That’d be some next-level masochism right there.

“Kay? But hey, she’s one of those high pride, uppity bitches, so I can see her getting pissed at you for almost nothing, yeah?”

“You’re so right! You hit the nail right on the head! And it’s not just Kenzaki Asuna either. Souma Sakura, now she’s got a talent for making you want to pull your hair out.”

“You said it! Bitch doesn’t give one crap about anyone but her little circle of friends, am I right?”

“Wait, I see it, holy shit.”

“Not even kidding. Like, there was that one time,” and so the two of us began shitting on Souma Sakura in perfect sync.

What am I even doing? I thought. And no, I don’t mean that with a moral reason like talking behind someone’s back is bad, but because I got completely derailed from my objective of collecting info on Tendo-kun and his party. I should fix that.

Business aside, boy does it feel good letting out all those pent up frustrations. It’s important to have someone to talk to about these things. Especially when that someone agrees with you, that’s just the best.

But what’s more amazing his how easy to talk to Rando-san is. Today has to be the first time we had a conversation, and she definitely doesn’t look the type that I’d get along with, but here we were, hitting it off like we were old friends.

Like, just imagine if I was one of those exhausted corporate warriors constantly facing unpaid overtime (a salaryman basically) and I happen to aimlessly find myself at a random hostess bar where Rando-san appears to serve me. I’d get literally addicted to it. I mean, seriously, with a hot, busty and talkative girl attending to me, I’d blow my whole salary on the establishment―― wait, woah, could that be Rando-san’s calling!?

“Kinda wanna change the subject, may I?”

“Sure, go right ahead.”

After talking for a bit, I decided it’s time to get back on track. I can go for days complaining about Souma Sakura, but not right now.

“So how was it for you, Rando-san? I mean like fighting in the dungeon and using your calling, stuff like that.” I gave it to her straight. Now was just the right time to ask about these things without it seeming weird.

“Mmm,” she thought, “Like, I was pretty much a tagalong really. My, uh, calling (?) isn’t anything worth writing home about, I mean like, I can’t even beat those boney creeps.”

“But weren’t you by yourself at the beginning?”

“Not even. I basically met up with Julie and Marie right away.” She explained. “All my luck must’ve totally gone to meeting them before anything. Like legit, those two were so much stronger, they handled everything.”

Rando-san smiled as she told the story. Maybe she was happy that her friends were strong, or maybe she was glad that she had it so easy, I don’t know. But I didn’t feel like I could criticize an innocent smile like that, now that I’ve gotten to know her a little.

“And uh, that ‘Julie’ and ‘Marie’ are the same girls who went out just now right?”

“What’s this, Momokawa,” Rando-san said teasingly, “you forgot their names, didn't cha?”

“Sorry.”

“That’s no good you know~ You gotta at least know the names of the girls in our class. Who knows when you might get lucky, right?”

Perhaps I can take it that she means that in terms of ‘raising their flags’? If that’s the case, then the only names I have to know are Futaba Meiko and Rando Kyoko. I mean, they’re basically best girls in terms of bust size.

“Nonomiya Julia or Julie’s the one with the short hair, and the other girl with the long hair is Yoshizaki Maria, Marie. I’ll keep it between us that you forgot, kay?”

“Thanks.”

Actually, yeah, I do remember 2 girls having weird names like Julia (純愛) and Maria (博愛) with their truly DQN-esque pronunciation of the kanji. I just hadn’t associated actual faces to the names… but yeah, I can strangely see them having names like that.

Julie and Marie, unlike their curvaceous friend Rando-san, had slim bodies like those of magazine models. I kind of recall Masaru actually mentioning something about them doing modelling, but I’m not sure.

I think he said something like “Yeah man, those two would’ve been turning heads just by existing if only they weren’t in this class.” Which is to say, it was totally believable if someone claimed that they appeared in magazines lined in stores, but in our class which had more than a handful of girls of Souma Sakura level hotness, they unfortunately placed only at above average.

Even in terms of gal fashion, Rando-san had them knocked out of the park, what with her large and voluptuous figure, her fancy makeup, her dyed hair, tanned skin, and let’s not forget those titanic twins. How can they even compete?

“What kind of callings did they get? Any rare ones?”

“Let’s see, Julie’s a Knight and Marie’s a Warrior I think. What do you mean ‘rare’?”

“Rare as in Souma Yuuto happens to be a Hero and his sister’s a Saintess.”

“Ohh, I get the picture. And wow,” of course they’d be rare huh, Rando-san easily convinced herself, while on my end, I classified Julia and Maria, let’s call them the Glamourettes, as having normal callings and adequately leveled up. I can assume that they’re adequately strong from that fact that they’ve come this deep into the dungeon while carrying Rando-san who didn’t do any fighting apparently.

“And when did you guys meet up with Tendo-kun?”

“Donno, can’t check the time cause our phones are out, but I guess, um, recently?”

“What’s his calling?”

“No clue.”

“He didn’t want to say?”

“Maybe? I mean, Julie and Marie don’t know either.”

So Tendo-kun’s been keeping his calling a secret. Who knows, it could be a super rare one like Demon King. Stuff like Berserker and Cannibalizer certainly don’t make a good impression, and me telling others how I’m a Shaman is just plain embarrassing.

Whatever it is, what I can’t do is go up an ask him, or actually, I shouldn’t even try to pry. He might have a good reason, or even no reason, to keep it a secret but smallfry like me poking my nose where it doesn’t belong is sure to be annoying. And the moment he feels annoyed, I’m dead. Like, dead dead.

The weak should fear the strong, and so try to get on their good side. Exactly, I need to throw aside meaningless pride and raise up my flattery skill on the double. No no, that won’t work. I try to talk to him, and he’ll definitely get an impression like “what’s with that cheeky look?” or “shrimp thinks he’s a smartass eh?” easily ruining my position.

“Kay, my turn.” Rando-san said. “Tell me yours too, what’s your calling Momokawa?”

“I...” I hesitated, “...I’m a shaman.”

“Wait, isn’t that like, curses and voodoo and stuff?”

“I mean, sure, my skills are technically not magic, and called curses, so yeah.”

“Wooah, WTF, no kidding!? You can do like, curses… ohh man, that’s so scary, crap, I should’ve been nicer to you, right? Sorry!”

“No no, come on Rando-san, why would I curse you? In fact, you can’t believe how thankful I am that you picked me up back there. And really, my curses aren’t as strong as you might be thinking.”

“Really really? Like, you won’t come out of the TV with your hair all crazy?”

“That’s not in my skill set, and probably won’t be, ever.”

“You sure? Well if you say so.”

I’m not really sure what Rando-san considers scary, but I’m sure she’ll get used to my stuff once she sees them a few times and sees how they’re pretty weak.

I mean, compared to Tendo-kun, my powers, and almost any calling might seem severely underpowered, but the way I see it, he, and probably the Glamourettes too, might also consider me useless in combat.

“Oh, I almost forgot, what’s yours, Rando-san?”

“Sure, I’m a―― ”

Here’s where she tells me that her calling is that of a powerful enchantress of all men, the infamous Succubus!

“ ―― Geomancer, I guess.”

“... Oh, neat.”

I was probably expecting too much.