Love Me if You Dare: Pristine Darkness

Chapter 23.1

Now, a look at Yao Yuanges back story. I appreciate that Ding Mo gives us these stories to help us understand the characters better. I have to say, though, that reading this one sickened me more than usual. Is there any redeeming quality to Yao Yuange at all? Or was that the point that, for some people, there is no possibility of redemption? Read on to find out . . .

(NOTE there is no graphic content, but the fact that Yao Yuange was a sexual predator is made clear)

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Yao Yuanges story Dead Soul (Part 1)

The steam on the hearth rose slowly, causing one to feel a little dizzy. Yao Yuange squatted in a corner of the kitchen, all the while swallowing his saliva, waiting for the freshly steamed big buns to be ready. He didnt expect that the hunger in his eyes would be noticed by his father, thus attracting a wave of loathing.

Father kicked him on the back, as if kicking a dog, Dammit, everytime I see you I feel vexed.  Why are you always hungry?

Yao Yuange sat in a corner in silence. He was only seven or eight years old, but was naturally taller than the others kids, so he ate more. And steamed buns actually only cost ten cents, but his father was just too reluctant to give him more to eat.

So he was always starving.

When children get hungry, they can be very scary. They want to destroy everything they come across. Those crisp black eyes were always staring at the rest of the world from the corner with hatred.

But Mr Yao did not care. He had three sons and two daughters, and this son was the youngest. His life was so tiring and so busy he didnt even know how they could have had this child. Might as well be some kid they had randomly picked up from the street. He had to work to the point of exhaustion to make a living, and had no time to spend considering what this little boy might be thinking or feeling.

Every morning at 3 a.m., he kneads the dough and steams the buns. At 5 a.m., the little shop opens, and business starts. He sells buns all the way till 3 p.m. or 4 p.m., when the busyness of the day is finally at an end. The sons and daughters were all disappointing, unable to get into university, thus taking temp job after temp job, or idling about. So it was that Mr Yaos life was full of resentment towards everybody and everything.

It was a good thing that going to elementary and middle school in a small town was so cheap. Mr Yao also happily sent Yao Yuange to school, giving him fifty cents a day to spend. Making do with fifty cents when a days food itself cost one dollar became the young boys most pressing concern, since Mr Yao was not about to trouble himself with the matter.

Everyday, after school was dismissed, Yao Yuange was almost always hanging around in the shop as he had nowhere else to go. By nature, he seemed to be quiet and gloomy; there had been no one to care for him at home from the time he was a baby. He would just stare dazedly at his father working hard, bare from the waist up.

When it became dark, the family would eat their simple dinner, then go to sleep. Father loved to sit on the bed and count money; he would set the banknotes, big and small, in piles and count them one by one. After that, with his finger dipped in saliva, he would count again. Every time this happened, the children were not allowed to enter and disturb him, and could only play in the main room. However, Yao Yuange always hid behind the door curtain to watch him, looking at the colour of the money that he had never put his hands on, at Mr Yaos intoxicated yet hate-filled expression hating that there was not enough money, hating that people lived too long.

Even later at night, the entire family would be asleep. Because there were too few rooms, 8-year-old Yao Yuange had to sleep with his parents. He usually slept at the side of the bed, but, sometimes, his father would suddenly kick him off the bed, saying, Go to the living room. Come back only when I say you can come in! Thus, Yao Yuange would hug his pillow and stumble out in a haze. However, his father was so impatient that Yao Yuange was hardly out before he could hear his mother gasping on the bed.

Sometimes, the sound would be especially violent. Lying next door, Yao Yuange could hear his father panting heavily like a wild beast, as well as the sounds his mother made, sometimes as if crying, sometimes shrieking. In this way, Yao Yuange would lie with his eyes wide open, slowly listening, when he abruptly looked down to discover that he was already hard, like a stone which had been ground to a hard edge.

Yao Yuange had once thrust his hand into his older sisters underwear and felt a moist sensation. His sister had cried out sharply and run away. However, she had also not told anyone, but every time she saw Yao Yuange thereafter, she would hide. He had also held the girl next door who was his age, placed his hand on her buttocks and kneaded them enthusiastically. He felt extremely happy, as if doing such things enabled him to feel a sense of liberation. Especially liberated and especially invigorated. It was as if all the pent-up anger in his heart had been spit out.

By the time Yao Yuange was in the 3rd year of middle school (T/N junior secondary school/ junior high), he was already tall and handsome. Moreover, the brothers and sisters who had also grown up were able to supplement the family income, and his family situation was a little better. However, his father remained tight-fisted, so Yao Yuange was still short of money. In school, he was the weird boy who was both gloomy and handsome. Still, there were a lot of girls who were interested in him.

Yao Yuanges first official bed partner was a female sophomore student (T/N 2nd year of senior high/ senior secondary school). It was said that this girl was a broken shoe who had already been bedded by many people. However, her ample bosom and fair and shapely thighs were enough to make Yao Yuange come. Yao Yuange had also brought her a pleasant surprise. She was almost crying as she hugged Yao Yuange, saying, Youre too cool! Youre the fiercest guy I have ever encountered, not at all like a middle school student! All those university students lose out to you! So rough! So big! Yao Yuange rarely smiled, but at that time, he did.

Yao Yuange did not continue his studies after graduating from senior high. His father was unwilling to pay for his schooling, and he himself had no interest in studying. That year, his father died of an illness. His mother had already died in his first year in senior high. Yao Yuange had not much of an emotional response to this. When his mother died, he had stood at the grave listening to the sound of the wind, with some sense of emptiness in his heart. When his father died, after he had finished tending to all the funeral affairs, his brothers and sisters had scattered in all directions. The family dispersed, and he unexpectedly felt a wave of relief and relaxation.

His father had actually amassed a considerable amount of savings. When he died, Yao Yuanges brothers and sisters had already started their own families, and had their own homes. Only Yao Yuange was all alone in the world. At that point in time, houses in the ancient city were not worth much, especially the older houses like the Yaos. His siblings all lived in high-rise apartments. Thus, they divided the $80,000 (about USD 12,500) that they inherited from their father, and left the dilapidated house to Yao Yuange.

As Yao Yuange did not have much ability at the time, he could only swallow the insult. When he prospered later, and his blood-sister passed away, he did not contribute towards any of her medical expenses, and did not visit her.

When the old house came into his possession, Yao Yuange was reluctant to continue waking up in the wee hours to sell filled and bread buns. After all, he had had some education, and his mind was lively. He observed that foreign visitors occasionally came to the ancient city on vacation, and they all seemed to be learned people. Thus, he came up with an idea.

Thereafter, he did something which rendered everyone speechless he sold the family home, took the proceeds and rented a house that was 10 times bigger. At that time, it was possible to rent a house for $500 a year. Then, he renovated the building. As he had no money to hire construction workers, he worked unceasingly at laying bricks, painting walls, and planting trees and flowers. . . perhaps due to his crazed and suppressed thoughts and emotions, the house that he personally renovated was surprisingly considered to be unique by others. At that time, Internet cafes had recently come into vogue. So, he went online and posted the rental information. The next day, he received a reservation . . .

25-year-old Yao Yuange was well-known locally as a rich and powerful man. He opened the inn, the restaurant, and provided transport services. . . it almost seemed as if he had inexhaustible energy. Those were precisely the years where tourism started to take off. He kept making money, making more money . . . he had no idea how much money he was making. He only knew that when he reclined on his bed at night, he also liked to count money, count his bank deposit books, count his cards. Then, with his hands behind his head, an intoxicated yet hate-filled expression would appear on his face. He wanted to make even more money.

It could be said that a storm was brewing within him at that time. Not only did he buy back the family home which he had sold, he even bought the biggest house historically connected with the Yao clan in the ancient city. In all these years, their branch of the Yao clan had generally been ignored by the other families who were true Yaos, those with money and power. They had not cared if he was dead or alive. However, his name was now the most well-known among those of his generation in the Yao clan. Man, thats the way it is. When youre down and out, nobody cares about you. On the other hand, when you shine brilliantly, people cant wait to take advantage of your glory as soon as they can. However, Yao Yuange basked in this kind of adulation as he felt it was a sign of ones success in life. Sometimes, Yao Yuange would sit in the grand entrance hall of the Yao family residence and think if his father were still alive, he could also share in the enjoyment of this good fortune. Then, he would consider if his father were really still alive, he would be a load around his neck, preventing him from achieving all that he had accomplished. When he got to this point, Yao Yuange would frown, and feel it was best that his father was dead.

In bed, Yao Yuange was in the prime of his life, and was even more fierce than when he was younger. His wife, Ming Lan, was made to cry out almost every night, for the entire night. However, although Yao Yuange liked his wife, he felt she was not enough. Beautiful, docile, but lacking in wildness. Very quickly, Yao Yuange lost interest in her. Whats more, she couldnt bear children. Despite f**king for more a year, there was still no child. Thus, Yao Yuange was always somewhat depressed when he dealt with her thereafter. Ming Lan was a very intelligent lady and speedily discerned that her husband was not satisfied with her. However, she truly did love him. She loved his appearance, his wealth, his domineering personality, and the way he tamed her in bed. All that women like Ming Lan needed in their lifetime was to be conquered.

On several occasions, Yao Yuange had visited the factory and bumped into the sister-in-law who had been given a job there due to family connections Ming Yue. To be honest, Ming Yue was nowhere as beautiful as her older sister, Ming Lan. However, she did have another kind of appeal: young, introverted, and always working until her face was red and sweaty while her hair stuck to her forehead. Moreover, her figure was fuller. Her hips and buttocks were broad and her thighs were shapely. In Yao Yuanges words, You can tell with one look that this one can bear children. When she heard these words, Ming Lans heart jumped, and she felt as if dark clouds were gradually wrapping themselves around the Yao family.

Shes my younger sister! Ming Lan trembled as she said.

Ming Lan did not know how to describe the expression in Yao Yuanges eyes at that moment. It was also the first time that Ming Lan felt a deep horror towards this man.

So what? He smiled slowly.

The events that transpired thereafter were only to be expected. The Ming familys small business suffered setbacks. Apart from accepting help from son-in-law Yao Yuange, there was no way for the entire family to avoid abject poverty. The Ming parents even felt it was ok to give up their daughter Ming Yue, and told Ming Lan, Isnt it all because you couldnt have children? Its much better than him having affairs! Unexpectedly, Ming Yue herself was willing. She even looked at Ming Lan timidly and said, Older sister, you wont blame me for snatching your man from you? I wont take him from you, I only really . . . really like brother-in-law.

Yes . . .

On the night of their wedding festivities, Ming Lan sat by herself in the room drinking wine and forcing herself to smile. Of course her younger sister liked Yao Yuange. There was only one man like him in all of the ancient city. Even if she could only have half of him, that was far better than any of the other men. She bore his marks on her body, she now had money, a car, and wine; she lived the envied, entitled life of a wife of a rich man. He still loved her, still controlled her. He caused her to feel fear, yet was also her obsession. She had legs to walk out with, but there was nowhere for her to go.

Once the awareness that comes with being a human being is suppressed, one is reduced to the level of an animal. Once one gradually gets used to it, one will not feel anything anymore.

Bit by bit, the interactions within this family of three reached a state of harmony. Ming Lans smile returned to her face, and she was even able to laugh as she watched her husband and her younger sister flirt in front of her. Well, since one was her husband, and the other was her younger sister, wasnt it better to keep what was good within the family? Moreover, her younger sister had always been honest and listened to her words. With the balancing factor of her younger sister, her husband actually visited her even more than before. Small partings make the reunion even sweeter wasnt this his plan to refresh their relationship? It was just that, sometimes, in the middle of the night, Ming Lan would feel a stabbing pain in her heart. With the passing of the months, that pain seemingly merged with her body and became dully indistinguishable, such that she did not know whether it was her heart or her body that was hurting.

*T/N (fei shui bu liu wai ren tian) lit. dont let ones fertile water flow into another persons field; fig. keep the goodies within the family

*T/N (xiao bie sheng xin hun) lit. a small parting is even better than being newly-married; a phrase similar to absence makes the heart grow fonder, along the lines of a reunion after being parted for a short while is made sweeter by the parting.

However, Ming Lang never considered, where there was one, there would be two.

Where there were two, there would be three, then four . . .