Nobunaga Oda's Isekai Cultivation Experience

Chapter 20: Karma's a Bitch, but Fate-chan's a Sadist...

After considering the positives and negatives for the better part of five hours, Nobu had separated the three paths as such...

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[Nine Divine Sacraments]

Pros: Free heals, Divine Protection, Maces are pretty cool, potential favor of a God

Cons: Healers are incredibly rare in Nian, costs a shit ton of money, the God might be an asshole

[Ten-Fold Path of Entertainment]

Pros: Fuck lots of women, get hammered, shit ton of buffs, extremely liberal

Cons: The 'need' to fuck lots of women, alcohol is expensive, support specialist, extremely liberal

[Breath Progression Technique]

Pros: Breathing is easy, Low threshold for entry, doesn't require resources

Cons: Requires traveling to numerous, potentially dangerous, locations.

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Though the last one might not sound like much of a con, the requirement for advancing to the Fifth Realm, Breath of the Mountain, forced him to scale numerous mountains without the use of tools or external support. As for the Ninth Realm, Breath of the Heavens, he was required to spend an entire year at an altitude of 40,000m. This was practically space, so, unless he learned how to fly, there was a chance he would be stuck at the Eighth Realm, Breath of Transcendence, for the rest of his life.

Fortunately, even if a person were stuck at a specific Realm, there didn't seem to be any cap to their Aura reserves. One of the cultivation paths, Mandate of Heaven, literally required him to accumulate 1,000,000,000 Aura just to attain Rank 1 of the First Realm. Using the Metal Infusion Technique as a standard, this was equivalent to reaching Adamantine, the Eighth Realm.

As tempting as it was to select the most powerful cultivation method, Nobu needed strength now, not a hundred years from now. His father, one of the most powerful Feudal Lords in the present era, was a mere Mithril Lord after more than sixty years of cultivation. This was considered a monstrous achievement, but, from the perspective of someone who wanted to return home in the next couple of years, Nobu couldn't afford to follow convention.

"Ah, fuck it..."

In the end, Nobu decided to just leave things to fate. It had been pretty keen on dictating his path thus far, so, using a coin, he pitted each option against each other, round-robin style, to determine his path moving forward. This resulted in the Ten-Fold Path of Entertainment losing out to the other two, and, once everything was said and done, fate had decreed he would become a Hippie.

"Well, that takes care of that. Guess I'll need to invent a hot air balloon or some shit..."

Shelving that idea for the future, Nobu adopted a halfhearted lotus position before doing his best to follow the instructions listed for obtaining Rank 1 'Breath of the Mortal'. It told him he needed to take a single breath in a single minute, so, assuming a breathing technique wouldn't require him to hold his breath, he did his best to take a single, slow, and steady breath...

After a mere nineteen seconds, Nobu felt as though his lungs were about to burst. His follow-up attempt clocked in around twenty-five seconds, but, no matter how many times he tried after, he could not exceed twenty-three. Even taking a series of deep breaths to try and oxygenate his body didn't help. Instead, his vision began to turn black around the edges, almost as if his mind had been primed to continue taking in more oxygen and was now panicking due to its sudden absence...

Exhaling a frustrated sigh, Nobu was about to try lying on his back when the silence of the cave was broken by a soft, "What are you doing...?"

Starling to a sitting position, Nobu exclaimed, "Holy shit! What are you, a fucking ninja!? At least say something when you come in!"

Furrowing her brows, Yui's voice became stern and somewhat defiant as she flatly retorted, "Did I not just say something...?"

Though he was highly tempted to shout a rebuttal of his own, Nobu just massaged his temples for a few seconds before answering, "A certain someone won't teach me any cultivation techniques so I'm trying to create my own. Now, if you don't mind, I'm busy training."

Contrary to his words, at least from Yui's perspective, Nobu promptly rolled onto his back, crossed his feet, and folded his hands behind his head. From an outsider's point of view, he was just lazing about, but, in reality, he was doing his best to regulate his breathing.

To her credit, Yui was actually able to perceive what Nobu was doing, but, thinking nothing would come of it, she just shook her head before taking a seat and preparing their meal. Aura Breathing Techniques were quite common, so much so that she knew thirteen different variants, but, as far as she could tell, Nobu was breathing normally. His ability to control Aura was around the same level as a child throwing a tantrum, as, without being extremely angry, he couldn't muster even a fraction of the ever-growing reserves in his body. Thus, without some kind of miracle, he would forever be stuck at the Foundation Building Realm...

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Matching Yui's expectations, days passed without Nobu making any observable progress. The only things that kept him going were the knowledge that he could perpetually increase his aura through clicking, and, more importantly, the notion that he was tantalizingly close to success.

Staring at the time on his tablet, Nobu's eyes were on the verge of becoming bloodshot as he did his best to force additional oxygen into his lungs. He had been able to consistently clock in around 55 seconds, so, with a bit of effort, he was sure he could reach a minute. The key, strangely enough, had been exhausting his body before attempting the breathing technique. This was the opposite of what he would have thought, but, after working out for three hours and lying on the cold floor for around two, he felt as though he could naturally draw out each and every breath.

("Tick faster you stupid motherfucker...!")

As that thought crossed his mind, Nobu's body seemed like it was about to force him to breathe out, but, just as he was about to smash the seemingly indestructible tablet against the ground, he suddenly felt as though he could keep breathing. At the same time, a powerful aroma assaulted his senses with such intensity that he could have been convinced that someone invisible asshole had just smacked him in the face.

"What the actual fuck...!?"

Covering his nose in an effort to block out the extremely pungent smell, Nobu's eyes widened as he quickly realized where it was coming from.

"Holy shit! Is this me!? And...oh god! My fucking breath! Did that bitch feed dog shit to me in my sleep!?"

Feeling a sudden and intense urge to vomit, Nobu ran to the isolated area at the back of the cave that served as a latrine. It was basically just a massive hole that Yui had dug out using her aura, but, as it was far more dangerous to venture outside, it was the only option he had to relieve himself.

Before he got anywhere near said hole, Nobu felt as though he had walked into a physical wall of shit and piss due to how powerful the aroma was. It existed outside the barrier intended to conceal their presence, so, while the aroma was prevented from invading their living space, it was effectively confined to a much smaller space.

Overtaking by an indescribable feeling of nausea, Nobu emptied the contents of his stomach onto the cave floor. This caused an even more pungent aroma to spread through the air, and, much like a person who had just gotten a whiff of someone else's vomit, Nobu couldn't prevent himself from heaving even as stomach acid began to burn the interior of his mouth and throat.

("Oh god...! This can't be happening...! Shit...! Fuck...!")

Unable to voice his thoughts, Nobu was left with little choice but to scream out in his mind as tears and mucus began to pour from his eyes and nose. He felt like a drug addict that had been forced to ingest a spoonful of ipecac, as, no matter how desperately he resisted the urge, he continued to dry heave with such intensity that every muscle in his body was beginning to seize...

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Returning with the day's harvest, Yui was about to announce her presence when she noticed that the cave was empty. This caused her to momentarily freeze in place, but, after confirming that her Scouting Owl was still stationed outside, she quickly calmed down, muttering, "He must be using the bathroom..."

Convinced this was the case, Yui sat down in her usual spot and began peeling various fruits. One of the downsides to an all-fruit and berry diet was that it could cause gastrointestinal discomfort if you ate too much all at once. Thus, with the intention of balancing out his diet, Yui pulled out a handful of wild chestnuts and began carefully extracting the oil-rich nuts within. It was only after a half-hour had passed that she began to seriously worry, muttering, "Don't tell me he fell in..."

Though she typically would avoid walking in on someone trying to relieve themselves, the hole Yui had dug was nearly five meters deep. If Nobu really had fallen in, there was a very real chance that he might have injured himself. Even a minor wound, once infected, could become a life-threatening injury, so, without any discernible hesitation, she rounded the slight bend leading to the back of the cave.

"...!"

Seeing Nobu collapsed on the ground, Yui immediately flashed to his side without any regard for the putrid vomit covering the ground and staining his clothes. When she turned him over, his face was completely pale, sweat staining his face as his heavily dilated eyes darted around sightlessly in their sockets.

Feeling more panic than she would have anticipated, Yui smacking the unconscious Nobu before shouting, "Wake up! I need you to tell me what happened! Did something bite you!? Did you eat anything strange...!?"

Rather than responding to her calls, Nobu's eyes promptly rolled upward and towards the back of his head. This caused Yui's already racing heart to beat loudly in her chest and ears as she borrowed a page out of Nobu's book, shouting, "Fuck...!"

Looking around, Yui's eyes turned to the vomit on the ground before setting Nobu on his side and rummaging through the foul-smelling contents without any hesitation. She was looking for any sign of poisonous herbs, plants, or mushrooms that might have been mixed in. She would need to know what he had eaten if she were going to carry him back to the city for treatment. If she failed to find the cause, even a common toxin could be fatal.

Failing to find anything out of the norm, she would know, Yui's next course of action was to quickly strip away Nobu's clothes. Though slim, there was a chance a poisonous snake or spider had been able to penetrate a gap in the barrier. There were a number of insects smaller than a fingernail who could even drop experienced warriors with their venom. If Nobu got bitten by one of those, he was almost guaranteed to die. The most she could do at that point was put an end to his suffering, but, as such creatures were typically bred in captivity, she held out hope.

Finding no traces of any injuries or puncture wounds anywhere on his body, Yui was starting to feel incredulous as she quickly yet methodically combed through Nobu's hair for the third time. She was checking him for ticks, fleas, lice, or any other type of insect that might have attached itself near the base of his hair or scalp. Unfortunately, even after searching every nook and cranny of his body with a comparable degree of scrutiny, the only abnormality she discovered was that an inordinately large volume of snot was trickling from his nose...

"Nobu...what the fuck..."

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(A/N: It seems our boy is slowly corrupting our naive young heroine...)