RE: Monarch

Chapter 97: Sanctum XXII

But I could barely pay attention. The question of the metamorphosis cult and how they tied in with Thoth, as well as why she was now hunting and killing them despite bearing their mark, had haunted me since the beginning.

And now Morthus was just down the hall.

There was a dull clattering as a handful of dead Soul Sprites were dumped into my pestle.

Youll need to be thorough. Were aiming for a fine powder consistency. Any particulates and the measurements will be thrown off. Veldani snapped her fingers in front of my face, rousing my attention. I need you to pay attention, Cairn. This first step is crucial.

Of course, I said automatically.

Veldani cocked her head. You are elsewhere.

No. I can focus.

If you say so. Start grinding. Ill watch you for now, make sure you get the texture right. Then we can move on.

I fought back irritation. The mortar and pestle was the easiest step of herbalism, let alone alchemy. If she was going to micromanage this much on a basic level I could only imagine how painstaking the later, more complex steps would be.

With all due respect, Master Veldani, I am experienced in the fundamentals.

Her eyebrow quirked. Whose fundamentals, Master Cairn? Mine? Because Im certain I would have remembered a disciple as pink as you.

Very well. Ill follow your lead. There was no changing her mind. The most I could hope for was proving myself competent and hoping she would lighten her grip. So, with only mild humiliation, I bore the constant interference as she made small adjustments to my technique. I almost opened my mouth again to comment when the elderly master corrected my posture, forcing me to sit up, but somehow managed to maintain my silence.

Eventually, as Id hoped, her endless commentary slowed to a small trickle before stopping completely.

You know, I tried to stop him. She said off-handedly to me, as if she was discussing the weather.

Stop who?

Morthus came to me for a preparatory dose, before he returned to the enclave. He was hoping it would mitigate the side effects of leaving. I told him it didnt work that way. That at most, it would prevent his death. But his life would be miserable whether he remained or returned, the only question would be length. A question still up in the air.

I absorbed that, still trying to connect the image of the friendly old infernal that had come to me in the black cell with the decrepit ancient who looked days away from death. When I asked him how he left, he told me there were exceptions to every rule.

Veldanis lip curled as she aerated clear-colored solution, fingers gripping the neck of a flask, so tightly I feared it might break. Sounds like him. That tottering old fool. Hes always thought himself above the rules, even the rules of nature. Some people elevate themselves, believe theyre the exception, so strongly they manage to fool everyone around them. She set the beaker down with a loud clank. But in the end, its like fighting gravity. No matter how high you soar, eventually, you always fall.

It doesnt sound like you have a high opinion of him. I poured the powder through a screen of mesh.

On the contrary. Veldani stopped working for a moment, staring at a wall, her eyes blank. I believe Morthus has done more for the enclave, for the world, then any of those fools ever have. Even if in the end, its all pointless and success can only be measured by minute distance from abject failure.

I got the sense she was talking about something bigger. A larger goal that had not yet been revealed to me. So, I poked at her, hoping to glean more information. That sounds needlessly fatalistic.

Does it? Veldani chuckled. Remember that sentiment, for after you talk to him. And youll understand why I think, all things considered, Im something of an optimist.

There was a clear line in the statement that our discussion on the topic was over. So instead, I focused on the work. It was devilishly tricky. Before catalyzing magic was applied, the mixture needed to be kept at a strict temperature or it would solidify. But unlike the Iron Lung or Fast-Healing poultices, the soul-sprites were fragile, and keeping them in constant heat would break down the very ingredients we needed to extract.

Thats where demon-flame came in. Flash heating applied through a clay stove. I watched Veldani do it a few times before I felt comfortable trying it myself. Thankfully, I was able to reproduce the effect repeatedly, doubling our progress. Veldani looked alarmed at first but eventually relaxed, grateful for the additional help.

An errant wisp of transparent gas rose, scouring the inside of my nose. I felt suddenly lightheaded, a familiar tearing in my chest.

How long have you had the flame? Veldani asked. Her voice pitched up a bit too casually.

I blinked the pain away before answering. Thinking back was tricky. Time had changed so much in what it meant to me, my mind and my body aging at drastically different rates. A few years now.

The elder snorted, then stared when I didnt laugh. How regularly have you been training?

Every day. I brought the spark forth, forming into a simple violet ball and letting it rotate, passing the lazy orbit from finger to finger. Its become something of a nervous habit.

Its interesting. This was some time ago, but most dantalion magicians fear the magic. Dantalion is different from the other elements because it is so innately dangerous. Theyre terrified of setting the world on fire when they sleep, refuse to use it in sparring. But you dont fear it. Not really.

There was a time when I did. But looking at things rationally, it came to me when I needed it most. A weapon of my enemys, turned against her.

Ah, yes. The black magician. Things have been chaos since that little announcement of hers.

Do you fear it? I asked.

Fear what?

The flame.

I loathe more than fear it. Veldani looked down at her open hand. A small animal made of violet flame peaked out from beneath her fingers, not unlike a squirrel peaking out from the trunk of a tree. Her forehead crinkled lightly as the small animal scurried down her arm and into the fold of her sleeve, peeking out again at her neck.

The display unsettled me. Despite her suggestion that I was advanced for my situation, It had taken me this much time to be able to move the flame freely. What she was doing with the second stage was so vivid and real looking it made my training look more like a parlor trick.

The others dont understand, she admitted, why I havent done what Morthus did. Gone back up to the surface myself. Sacrificed myself for the enclave.

People without power often cast judgement on those that hold it.

As well they should, Veldani shot me a wry look. Power, by its very nature, should be questioned. Must be questioned. Kowtowing to our betters and leaving them unchecked leads to only madness.

I think my father wouldnt like you very much.

Whatever can I do to restore my reputation amongst the despots? Veldani smiled. And whats he going to do? Come knocking with a dragon?

Her irreverence was refreshing. Id spent so much time in the enclave tiptoeing around the dark, pregnant history that my very presence invoked.

Veldani shrugged. Regardless, they ridicule me for my lack of nobility. What theyre ignoring is that Im nearly thrice Morthuss age. With or without precautions, there is a very real possibility that the moment I leave the sanctum, I will simply end. A puppet with her strings cut. So, Im faced with the largely unpleasant choice of taking an impossible risk and likely dying for nothing, or waiting for a successor. And so, its hard to look at my magic as anything other than a curse.

The lightheadedness was not getting better. I felt myself swoon on my feet.

Veldani crossed the room in a second, eyes suddenly hard. What happened. What did you do?

I think I may have breathed some of it in.

The mixture? The fumes shouldnt be toxic. A rough hand pushed my head back, thumb catching my eyelid. A bright pinprick of light pierced my vision, leaving purple-red after-images as she inspected me. Your eyes arent focusing. It doesnt make any sense. Unless

There was a glow of green I recognized as life magic, and the small master pressed her hand to my chest. Her stern face grew horrified.

Lord below. Youre fading. What did they do to you? She sprinted, in a half-run half-hobble to a nearby cabinet.

I leaned against the wall. What do you mean?

I mean your soul is on the verge of crumbling in your chest, as we speak. That never happens. Ive only ever seen it once. In an elf no less. She pulled a potion from a nearby cabinet and returned to me with it, a single bead of sweat on her forehead.

Cairn! Maya appeared at the doorway, face twisted in terror, hand pressed to her sternum. What is happening?

Im okay, I murmured.

Veldanis eyes bounced between the two of us before realization dawned. Fools. Youre both fools. You patched him together with spit and sentimentality?

I do not Maya trailed off. I knew what she was struggling with immediately. She had wanted to tell me on her own time, not have it come out involuntarily in a moment of crisis.

I spoke haltingly, trying to sound gentle. Its fine, Maya. I already know. It doesnt change anything. Just tell her. My vision was graying at the edges. There were little dots that could have passed for faces, dancing in a rotating kaleidoscope.

You know? Maya asked. But her surprise only lasted a moment, hardening into determination. What do you need?

His soul is losing form. Veldani said. If Id known he was in such dire straits I would have never let him near the alchemy lab.

Lord below. Maya hissed through her teeth.

If we do not act now, it will dissipate, and he will die. Veldani spoke through grit teeth. But I need you to keep him conscious while I finish the potions. I cannot put the life of one child over the charges in my care.

But Maya cut off as Veldani rounded on her.

No matter what he might achieve or not achieve, we must operate in the present. That is what it means to be a life magician, or have you forgotten? Veldani challenged. She was nearly a foot shorter than Maya, but seemed to shift and stretch, towering over her in presence alone.

Fine, Maya said. She turned to me, all worry and fear. This is going to hurt.

I sat down on a nearby stool and gripped the seat. It always does.

I was so damn tired of this. Feeling like I was always balancing on the precipice of life and death. But as Maya gripped my head, I leaned into her hand.

Stay awake, she told me.

I wanted to listen. But my eyes were so heavy. The last loop had taken something out fo me the others hadnt. My body started to slump, and a sharp, shocking pain brought me back up from the dark.

No. Maya said. Her nails dug into the back of my head, drawing blood.

You need to go deeper, Veldani called. I could see her in my shrinking periphery, a blurred shape trailing silvery hair, moving around the lab frantically. If you stay on the surface youre going to lose him.

I cant. Maya said, panicked. What if I hurt him? What if I ruin his mind? The smallest mistake is irreparable.

Maya, I whispered. She turned back to me. This time her eyes met mine. I could see the near invisible irises lurking in the endless white, bouncing back and forth across my face. Do it.

You dont know what youre asking for.

Doesnt matter. The words were slow, like my mouth was forgetting how to form them. I trust you.

The slightest hesitation. Seeming to accept the words, Maya relaxed, and the pain at the back of my head magnified until it was hot, and piercing, and unbearable

Then it stopped.

It was like being plunged into the frigid water of the Twilight Chambers, only instead of being surrounded by blues and whites, there was a nonstop torrent of memories. Somehow, despite not being able to see her, I knew she was there with me, watching everything as if it was happening to her.

The torrent moved backwards, chronological, starting with her many deaths in the sanctum. I felt her presence shake, as she confessed the bond.

I dont understand. Are these possible futures? Her voice, a faraway murmur.

No. I lived them.

Your sadness. That deep well you draw into. I never understood why. You felt this? All of this?

Every time.

I knew she could feel it, then. My impotent rage at having lost her. My grief, deeper than the blackest ocean. My relief at having saved her, my fear that another death in the sanctum would wrest her from me forever. Her horror at discovering the purpose of the inscription on my chest.

Then time shifted backwards again. Through the enclave. I felt her grieve the lost of her parents alongside me. The madness I flirted with. The darkness inside. My torture. The deal I struck. At that, I felt her almost draw away. Then her grip on my mind renewed, anger and determination no longer just mine.

I will destroy them for what they did.

The relief washed over me like a wave. I hadnt realized how alone I felt, bearing the trauma, the memories, having no one to share them with. Talking about things like they were only possible futures, rather than traumas and violence I lived through, survived. But the relief turned into worry as the memories rushed through the crossroads to Kholis, and into the Everwood. Barion. Meeting Maya for the first time. Then, she asked the question I was dreading.

Why are you so afraid of me?

Im not afraid of you.

I can feel it, Nilend. Youre terrified. Just as youre terrified now.

Please stop.

Time rushed backward towards Whitefall. I struggled against her then, trying to stop her from moving, from seeing. I knew Maya. She could be fierce and sometimes brutal with her enemies, but her loyalty ran so true and deep that I knew that seeing what shed done to my sister would destroy her. I called to my magic, trying to erect a shield, a barrier, anything.

Stop fighting me, Im trying to save you.

Dont look. Please dont look.

I watched myself slam through the war rooms chamber doors, Alten at my side, only to come up against the arranged army of Demi-humans, waiting, smiling, laughing.

Then, her hold released. My vision returned, dark gray. Maya staggered backward, her face twisted in confusion. Not horror or self-loathing, confusion. She hadnt seen. Veldani slid in between us, took Mayas hand, and sliced her palm. Maya yelped at the sudden pain, stepping back from Veldani.

Dont be a priss, Veldani growled, dripping a single drop of blood into the prepared potion.

What are you doing? Maya asked.

Stabilizing him. Its an old augers trick. If you hadnt already marked him, Id likely have used my own, but beggars cant be choosers. She held the potion at eye-level and swirled it, then tilted my head back.

I opened my mouth and swallowed, then immediately gagged. The potion tasted like bitter algae. I found myself unable to look away from Maya. What would she think of me? Shed seen it. The way Id treated her the first time. Like some dirty, less-than-human demi trash. Shed watched me pack up my things and abandon her. She saw the person I was before. Some part of me hoped the curse would take the memories from her.

Maya slowly started to speak, still unsteady. She pressed a hand against the door. You lived it. All of it. Every vision. Every death. You lived through it.

The green glow of diagnostic magic faded as Veldanis eyes glazed over in a manner Id seen too many times not to recognize.

Yes.

You wept for me when I died. It felt like your heart was collapsing. You almost lost your mind saving my familyand yes, sure, you were an ass when we first met, but so was I. And eventually, you came around.

I didnt know you. I didnt understand anything.

No, I do not care about that. Not really. Maya pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. It was strange to me that you never held any prejudice at all. Every human Ive met has, in some form or another. In fact, I always wondered if you secretly did, and were just hiding it because it did not suit your purposes. You were too perfect. And you are even nowyou just grew into the person you are, rather than spontaneously manifesting that way. A single tear rolled down her cheek and her lip trembled. But I dont understand. Why wouldnt you want me to see what happened before? In your first life. What is so bad that you would push me out of your mind on threat of your health. I watched you trade your very soul to the asmodials, your soul, Cairn. And I can never repay you for that. Theres so much about it I cannot fathom right now. And yet, I cant face the reality that for some reason, whatever happened in that room is more horrible to you than your literal, mortal peril.

Veldani hovered near me, her face still blank.

I didnt know what to say. The words wouldnt come. The lies wouldnt come. I had been laid-bare, so much of my anguish shared and held. She hadnt pushed me away for the things that I had done, for my madness, for my love. Relief, mingled with dawning horror. I couldnt give her the answer she sought.

Seeing it would only hurt you, I said.

I was there, was I not? Her voice muffled.

I closed my eyes.

In the crowd. That heartless, drooling throng. I was there. And you remembered me. Panic was rising in her voice. Why did you remember me? What did I do?

Nilend, I whispered.

A scoffing, hard sound ejected from her chest. Do not call me that. No matter how long I have wished to hear it. Not like this.

Maya, please

I owe you much. Her speech was formal. But I need some time to think. Maya stepped away, but the distance between us felt far more than the small movement created.

Veldani came back to the present and blinked several times. I swallowed. It felt like Id been run over by a wagon.

Pulse is elevated, but your soul is stable. Thanks in no small part to your friend there. I think Veldani tapped my knee, curiously, I think I know what you are. But again, that is a conversation for Morthus.

I was too numb to press her for answers. Instead, I struggled to my feet. Sorry I couldnt help more. Did you save your materials?

The vast majority. Veldani waved away the concern. You helped me through the hard part.

I took one last look at Maya. She was staring at the floor. I wanted to go to her, comfort her. But I knew the depth of what she was grappling with. The question that could not be answered. Because at the end of the day the whys and hows wouldnt matter to her. The answer would kill her in its sheer, brutal arithmetic. I sacrificed my soul to save her family.

And she had slaughtered mine.

I turned to Veldani and gave her a small smile. I think well need to go soon.

Veldani glanced between us, seeming again to intuit that something had happened that she was not entirely aware of. The mind is a dubious place, little girl. It is rarely pleasant. Whatever you saw, or think you saw, remember that you saw everything. And that level of truth is so rare it almost does not exist. She focused on me. Ill have one of my guards take you to Morthus, if youre ready.

I am.