Reincarnated as an AXE!

Chapter 18: The Honeydew Meadow Massacre (2).

Well, here we are, Max! Welcome to Bubblebelly farm! About thmost wonderful farm in all of Honeydew Meadow! Billy said proudly.

Oh, the farm was wonderful! It was everything a farm should be! All the buildings were painted a bright red, there were happy cows and pigs and chickens everywhere, which was actually a little confusing to me, because I thought mice were primarily vegetarians, but then I remembered seeing a documentary once about predatory mice that hunted bugs, so maybe not?

Well, whatever, the Bubblebellys grew their own meat and killed it. I could dig it! Gosh, maybe theyd use me to put a few cows down for the winter? Oh, I could hardly wait!

Oh, youll bumblin love it here, Max! We have a tire swing, and a creek to swimin, and the woods to explore! Oh, its so much bumblin fun! Lucy squeaked enthusiastically.

Oh, boy, Lucy! I sure hope I meet lots of people alone in the woods! I told her.

Suddenly, Billy stiffened, and frowned, displeased by what he now saw.

Now justa bumblin moment here! Billy exclaimed. What are those good for nothin Baddieburr brothers doin on my land?

The Baddieburrbrothers? I said. Gosh, Lucy, whore they?

Scotty and Scooter! Lucy said darkly. Why, theyre a couplea bumblin troublemakers! Theyre always causin mischief and such! Stealin eggs, and cheese, and painting things the wrong colors! Oh, but even worse, theyre always after the family recipe for soder!

On, no! Not the family recipe! I said.

Whatre you two up to? said Billy. I done already tol your Pa, I dont want ya on my land! I got no business with you badgers!

Well, we got business with you, Billy Bubblebelly! said the bigger one, Scooter, who was in fact a badger in thick coveralls with ripped knees.

Yeah! Weve got business! said his little brother Scotty, who was dressed similarly, but wore a battered straw hat over his head.

Then tell me what it is, then be about your bumblin way! Billy said.

Scooter and Scotty rubbed their hands together and smiled in a way that I didn't like. Oh, man, I was beginning to suspect these guys were real heels!

My little brother saw you runnin through our fields, poachin our po-tatoes! Scooter said triumphantly. He caught you in the act!

Yep, sure did! crowed Scotty.

Billy gasped in shock. Why, that aint bumblin true! First of all, I aint no thief! And second of all, that ramshackle shack of a farm aint produced no produce in years, on account of your pa being a mean drunk!

You take that back, Bubblebelly! snarled Scooter. Yous always lookin down on us! My daddy can handle his drink!

No, he couldnt! And he couldnt handle your ma leavin him neither! shouted Billy.

Shes visitin her sisters!

She been visiting them for bumblin seven years!

Ohhhh, you just wait, Billy Bubblebelly! At least my mama's alive, unlike yer wife!"

Lucy gasped and covered her face with her paws.

"Them's fightin' words, Baddieburr!" fumed Billy. "Put up yer paws!"

"I ain't gotta fight you, Bubblebelly! Once the law gets here, youll get whats coming!

What? Billy said. You called the law on us? I told you, I aint no thief!

"Well, Scotty says otherwise! And unless you can prove he's fibbin, you're in real trouble!"

"Cod sarn it!" Billy said, his voice now laden with worry.

Now, now, no need to be scared! Maybe you and us can come to an agreement, hmmm? grinned Scooter.

Ohhh, what an untrustworthy smile!

An agreement? Whats kinda bumblin agreement would you mean? asked Billy with great suspicion.

Hows about you give us the recipe for your famous Bubblebelly cookie cake cream soder? leered Scooter.

Yeah! Yeah! The recipe! tittered Scotty. Share that recipe with us an we can make all this go away!

By my hat, you scheemin Baddieburrs are always tryin to weasel your way inna larnin the secrets of our family recipe! Well, no deal! The knowledge of great-granny Annie's cookie cake cream soder stays in my family!

Well, then, looks like well have ta let the law know bout your po-tato russlin! sneered Scooter.

Thats right, ol Billy! Well git the lawanya! said Scotty.

Someone mention the law? said an authoritative sounding bunny rabbit in a patrolmans uniform.

Constable Carrot! Why, were so glad ya came by! said Scooter in an oily voice. Im afraid we got to report us some po-tato russlin! An as much as I hate to point an accusin claw, its them Bubblebellys what done it!

Oh, shucks! said Lucy. Max, those Baddieburrs are going to cause all sorts of trouble with their lies! Oh, if only there wereaway tprove they was bumblin fibbers!

Hold on, Lucy! I said to her with a wink. I think I have an idea that just might work!

Oh, Max! Do you really? asked Lucy eagerly.

**I sure do! But to succeed, well have to Psh psh psh psh psh, I whispered into her ear.

Really? asked Lucy.

Uh huh! And then after that, well psh psh psh psh

Oh, I love it, Max! Lets give it a try! Lucy said.

So as ycan see, Constable, there aint no one else it could have been, Scooter was saying to the rabbit lawman.

Yep, thats right! Those goodie-good Bubblebellys are nothing but po-tato-pickin-pickpockets! agreed Scotty.

Just a bumblin moment, Constable Carrot! squeaked Lucy. My friend Max the Axe can prove we didnt have nothin to do with no po-tato poachin!

Is that right? Asked Constable Carrot. Are you absolutely certain about that, Max the Axe?

As certain as fizz goes with pop, Constable Carrot! I told him.

Oh, he dont know nothin! scoffed Scooter Baddieburr.

Yeah, nothin! Nothin! chimed in Scotty.

Oh, yeeeeeeah? I asked him.

Yeah! Scotty said back.

Oh, YEAAAAAH? I asked him again.

YEAAAAAAH! Scotty shouted back.

Well then let me ask you this question

What question? Scotty asked in a snarky tone.

I spun around and used my handle to knock Scottys feet out from beneath him. Before he could recover, I was in his face screaming at him.

Do you want to fucking DIE, Scotty? Do you want to DIE you little bitch? Im a fucking AXE, Scotty, Ill cut your fucking nose off! Ill cut your fucking nose off and make you swallow it! Ill geld you, motherfucker! Ill do it real slow too, no one can stop me, IM A FUCKING AXE! I'M A FLYING FUCKING AXE!

Get it off me! Get it off me! Scotty sobbed.

Youre a fucking liar, Scotty, SAY IT! SAY IT! Do you want to die, Scotty? Do you want to die, Scotty? Do you want to die, Scotty? Do you want to die, Scotty? Do you want to die, Scotty? Do you want to die, Scotty? Do you want to die, Scotty? Do you want to die, Scotty? Do you want to die, Scotty? Do you want to die, Scotty? DO YOU WANT TO DIE, SCOTTY?!

We lied, we lied, Im so sorry, we lied! cried Scotty fearfully. We lied, we lied! Dont let him kill me, we lied!

For some reason, no one moved or said anything else for nearly a minute. They just stood still, staring at each other and listening to Scotty cry his miserable tears. Finally, the rabbit cop gave himself a shake then said:

Ahem! You-You lied? said Constable Carrot sternly. Why, you conniving Baddieburrs! Its against the laws of the forest to make such mischief! Come here at once!

Constable Carrot seized both brothers by the ear and led them away.

Darn you, Bubblebellys! Well get that recipe yet, justn you wait ansee! shouted Scooter.

Y-yeah! We-well get you one day! said Scott between wracking sobs.

Soon the three of them were gone.

Hurray! We stopped the Baddieburrs! Lucy said happily.

Yay! Thatll fix them! Hee hee hee! I said to her.

Uh. Wellwell, okay, I guess we bumblin owe you one, uh, Max, said Billy carefully. Uh, thanks to you, them Baddieburrs was foiled once more.

Aw, shucks, Billy! Id do anything for you guys! Its Max and the Bubblebellys! Forever! Right, Billy? Forever!

Yeah, uh, sure agreed Billy. Slowly. Not reluctantly, just slowly. Theres a difference! Because now we were pals!

Max the Axe and the Bubblebelly clan, yeah!

__

Dinner that night was a farmer's feast of roast pork and mashed potatoes, with creamy butter sauce, bread covered with sweet jam, and plenty of fresh milk to drink. Yum!

I didnt eat any of it. I was still in axe form, and although Id quickly grown to love my new mouse friends, I didnt think theyd appreciate the sight of me abruptly growing a new fleshy body. I thought that it might have been a little horrifying to witness or something. I could save that for later, after theyd grown more used to me.

Well, Max, are you sure I cant offer you anything? asked Lydia. She was the Bubblebellys hired maid. I guess if I were a mouse, Id find her pretty cute or something, but Im not really into that kind of thing. Not even in the form of hardcore patreon art. More power to you if thats what you like, though. Or, should I say, Yiff thats what you like!

Heh. I am funny. I am a funny, funny Axe.

Gosh, maam, nothing for me! I told her. Thank you, though.

No problem, sugar, Lydia said with a smile.

Okay, Max, lets go explorin! Lucy said after wiping her mouth with a napkin.

Oh, I think its a little too late for that, Lucy, Lydia said. Lets get you a bath goin and get you ready for bed.

No, I wanna go play with Max, Lucy said stubbornly.

Now, Lucy, Miss Lydia has the right of it, Billy cut in. Its too dark out there for little ones to be runnin around.

Paaaa! Why do you always take her side? She aint Mama! I dont gotta listen to her!

Hey! None of that now, pet. Lydia takes good care of us ever since your mama passed. Show her some respect.

No! I dont wanna! An I dont wanna take a bath either, I WANNA PLAY WITH MAX!

Im sorry, Mr. Bubblebelly, I didnt mean to cause any trouble, Lydia said contritely.

Now, now, this is none of your doing. Little Lucy here is getting a little too used to being the lady of the house and has bumblin forgot her manners along the way. Now, Lucy! You apologize! Right now! ordered Billy firmly.

NOOOOO! Lucy screamed. She grabbed me and scrambled upstairs to her room, slamming the door shut behind us.

Oh, I hate her, Max. I hate her so much! I can see that Lydia for what she is! Oh, she just wants to bumblin take my mamas place! But she aint my mama! Shes a hussy! raged Lucy.

Oh, no! A hussy? I gasped with widening eyes.

She is! And I wished shed go away forever! Lucy sobbed.

Foreeeever? I asked her.

FOREVER! Lucy shouted.

Hmmm. I wondered what I could do to help?

__

You done good bumblin work like usual, Lydia, said Billy with a smile as he walked her outside. Im sorry little Lucy got so fired up at you. Well have us a long talk and see if we cant get this sorted.

Oh, dont you worry, Mr. Bubblebelly, Lydia said with a sweet smile. That poor thing lost her mother and her sister in that accident, and shes just scared of losing you too! Ill just let her know about my engagement tomorrow, and hopefully thatll put some peace in her heart.

Huh? Billy exclaimed. Y-youre engaged now? When did that h-happen?

My betrothed proposed this very morning! Oh, I suppose Ill have to give you my notice soon. I did enjoy working here so very much, but now I suppose Ill be raising a family of my own soon," Lydia said with a growing smile.

Oh, Lydia. Dont you bumblin leave our lives, you silly thing! B-because we consider you family too! Billy said with a trembling voice.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Bubblebelly! Well, goodnight.

Y-yeah. Goodnight.

The door to the farmhouse closed, leaving Lydia enveloped in darkness.

Lydia happily hummed a silly song to herself as she headed home. She entered the woods to take her usual shortcut to the house she lived in with her parents. Although that would soon change, wouldn't it? Shed be a wife soon, and then a mother after that. Maybe shed have a daughter! Wouldnt Lucy love that? Would she be willing to babysit?

Bratty though the littlest Bubblebelly could be, Lydia truly thought she was a sweet child. Lydia didnt think for a moment that she wouldn't make a great honorary big sister! Oh, the future held so much promise for everyone in Honeydew Meadow! All the hope and love you could ever ask for

Hussy! whispered a hate-filled voice.

Huh! What? Is someone there? Lydia asked, after jumping in fright.

Youre a hussy. Youre a bad girl. Hissed the voice angrily.

Show yourself! Stop saying such horrid things! Lydia said.

A shadow stepped out from behind a tree.

You? Lydia said in surprise. But what are you doing hereput that away! Nono! NO! Get away from me!

The shadow came closer and closer. Light glimmered off of the edge of a sharp, sharp blade.

Youre dirty, Lydia. And dirty things go in THE DIRT!

Lydia turned to run, but in her panic, she tripped over the root of a nearby tree and fell. She then turned over just in time to squeal in pain as she was slashed deeply across her torso.

Stop! Please! NOOOOO!

Dirty things go in the dirt!

Ahhhh!

The DIRT!

Lydia gargled blood as the weapon came down again and again.

THE DIRT!