Second Try Idol

“Do it!"

“I can't do it..."

“You have to do it!"

“I really can't, hyung..."

“Why can't you! Why can't you just speak up! Why are you quivering like a puppy from the streets!"

“I really don’t have any grievances I want to express..."

Joo-Han was exasperated to the brink of despair. The younger members of Chronos were typically introverted as they were always acutely aware of others' thoughts. Among them, Yoon-Chan was the most introverted.

Being inherently timid and having had fewer interactions with other members during his trainee days, it was unrealistic to expect him to open up completely even in a one-on-one setting.

'But this is too much!'

Driven by this thought, Joo-Han had urged Yoon-Chan to voice all his troubles and complaints accumulated over time. Yoon-Chan made a face as if he was about to crumble under the weight of his burdens.

“There is… really nothing troubling me... No complaints... Everyone is just too kind..."

Joo-Han felt overwhelmed not knowing how to handle someone trembling with fear. He believed that dealing with a person like Goh Yoo-Joon, who never seemed to take anything seriously and always clowned around, would have been much better. Joo-Han had a soft spot for genuinely delicate souls without a hint of malice.

'Maybe I should just apologize.'

No, that day's incident wasn’t something to be casually apologized for. In Joo-Han’s view, he hadn’t done anything grievous enough to give an outright apology, and offering one superficially might actually backfire for Yoon-Chan.

He suddenly missed the calming presence of Suh Hyun-Woo, who could effortlessly soothe his temper.

“..."

Yoon-Chan sobbed.

“Enough! Ah, please." Joo-Han sat heavily on the bed and watched as Yoon-Chan struggled to stifle his tears. “I didn’t call you here to scold you. I wanted us to talk things out."

“..."

“I know this situation is tough.” Joo-Han gently wiped away Yoon-Chan’s tears and kindly asked, “It's natural to cry, but if we only cry, when will we ever be honest with each other? Isn't that right, Yoon-Chan?"

The scene was typical of Yoon-Chan, who always cried and apologized, but Joo-Han was eager to delve deeper and discover the true feelings buried beneath Yoon-Chan’s enduring patience.

Yoon-Chan bowed his head even more. He knew that crying wasn’t the solution. He hated the instinctual fear he felt in such situations.

Even though he was genuinely grateful for his fellow members’ attempts to share his burdens, Yoon-Chan found it immensely difficult to articulate his own struggles. “It’s not just me who is having a hard time. Everyone has their own hardships and complaints they aren’t showing. I don’t want to be the only one whining."

“..."

In that moment, a torrent of curses flashed through Joo-Han’s mind. Can't you just speak up, please? What Joo-Han really wanted was to cry. All he desired as a leader was to know what his members were bothered by, but why was it so terribly difficult to find this out?

“Do I really lack the qualities of a leader?" Joo-Han muttered in resignation. He suddenly stood up. “Yoon-Chan, come with me."

He grasped Yoon-Chan's hand and flung the door open with force. “Hey! Everyone, come out! Let's play the Game of Truth!"

If others were also withholding their difficulties, why shouldn't they speak up? If they stop holding back, wouldn't that solve their issues?

***

A flicker of light danced in the dimly lit room. Joo-Han had purposely turned off the fluorescent lights to light a candle before speaking with a grave expression. “I lit the candle. Everyone, while we have enjoyed unity tonight, let us pause our excited spirits for a moment and peer into our own true feelings."

“...Joo-Han hyung, what are you doing?"

“Shh, be quiet.” I nudged Goh Yoo-Joon to silence him. “Joo-Han hyung is setting up the mood."

Goh Yoo-Joon was perplexed but quietly followed Joo-Han’s lead and lit his own candle from the flame.

“It’s been a year since we as Chronos members have sprinted breathlessly through our careers. We’ve been through a lot. First place in a competition, our debut, topping music charts, our first fan meeting, and filming in the US."

“That's right, captain."

Surprisingly, Jin-Sung adapted remarkably well to Joo-Han's dramatic narration. He nodded in agreement with loyalty in his eyes, echoing Joo-Han’s words supportively.

“As we climbed each step one by one and grew as a group, we somehow neglected to tend to each other’s emotional needs."

‘What kind of stress must one endure to reach such a state?’

I watched Joo-Han’s enlightened expression illuminated by the flickering candlelight and felt a surge of compassion. It seemed the conversation with Yoon-Chan had been particularly difficult.

“Perhaps now is the time for us to delve into our deeper feelings as a big family and share them?"

“Ah, I would love to be friends with Kang Joo-Han. Ouch!" Goh Yoo-Joon’s cheeky remark was swiftly met with a smack on the back from Joo-Han. Although Goh Yoo-Joon complained about the pain, Joo-Han was undeterred and continued with the unusual candlelit ceremony.

“Let's reflect on our parents who tirelessly support us."

“Oh, mother..."

“My parents, who always hope for my well-being and worry whether I’ve eaten properly or not! Always anxious and shedding tears for their child!"

Jin-Sung was deeply immersed from the beginning. “I miss them... It's been a while since I last called them."

“Our parents wish to see their sons living peacefully and harmoniously with his fellow Chronos team members, right?"

“...Ah, I see."

Joo-Han took this opportunity to erase all complaints, misunderstandings, and frustrations among us.

“Ah, is this why we are playing the Game of Truth?" It seemed Goh Yoo-Joon and I realized the intention at the same time.

Joo-Han glanced briefly in our direction and nodded before continuing. “With that in mind, let's use this moment to openly express our thoughts and feelings. Share something you've desired from someone or challenges we've faced."

“Alright, everyone. Let’s give a round of applause."

I quickly encouraged the members to applaud, suppressing any dissenting complaints such as ‘Why do we have to do this.’ The aim was to encourage Yoon-Chan to open up, particularly because he was the most likely to resist.

“Wow, waaah."

Joo-Han nodded as if he was satisfied with my reaction. “Great. But before we start the game, there is something we need to do."

“What?"

Joo-Han briskly stood up and headed to the kitchen. He opened the refrigerator and retrieved something. The dim candlelight made it difficult to see, but after squinting, I could see the silhouette of a bottle.

“Alcohol?"

It was clearly a green bottle of soju. Why would he bring that out when he doesn't drink...

Joo-Han carefully collected the soju glasses that Su-Hwan had specifically placed out of reach on the top shelf and brought them over.

Thud!

He set one down in front of me.

“Here, Hyun-Woo."

I gestured at the soju and glass, then at myself. “Me? Why? This?"

‘Are you asking me to drink this?’ I questioned with my eyes, and Joo-Han casually nodded.

“Just me?" I glanced at Su-Hwan, who was standing a bit apart from the rest of us.

He silently nodded in agreement.

“Why just me?"

“It’s not just Yoon-Chan playing the game. We all are. But it seems you, Suh Hyun-Woo, tend to hide your struggles well."

“Since everyone else isn’t suited for alcohol, we will allow only you to drink, as it might help in the truth game. Please, just one shot."

“I usually fall asleep when I drink, though," I said. Su-Hwan stared back at me intently.

Why? What? I looked puzzled, but Su-Hwan appeared thoughtful and then shook his head.

“No, nothing.”

He seemed to be dodging a deeper issue... Had I inadvertently revealed something during a past drunken episode? A shiver ran down my spine as past embarrassments briefly haunted me, but I feigned ignorance and looked away.

Before I knew it, a glass filled with soju was in my hand.

Joo-Han smiled encouragingly. “Take a drink."

Well, one shot surely wouldn’t get me drunk. I swirled the glass in my hand and swallowed the drink in one gulp. I felt the sharp, fiery sting of the alcohol as I placed the glass down.

Joo-Han then explained the rules of the game. It was quite simple.

1. One person picks someone to talk to, and they have an honest conversation.

2. After the talk, the person who was picked chooses another person to talk to.

3. The same person cannot be picked twice, and the game does not end until each member has picked all other members except themselves.

4. After everyone has spoken, each member takes a final turn to talk about themselves.

After explaining the rules, Joo-Han looked around at the members. “Alright, let's start the Game of Truth. I will go first.”

He pointed at Goh Yoo-Joon.