Step by Step Ascend to Immortality

Chapter 141: Chapter 130: Jokes

The situation was not quite as Real Master Yanhuo had imagined. Just as Liu Suiyun was fully immersed in the world of spiritual plants, Shen Yaqin's voice brought him back to reality: "Suiyun, how's your tea planting coming along?"

Shen Yaqin always liked to refer to spiritual plant cultivation as "tea planting," and Liu Suiyun had grown accustomed to this expression. "Master's wife, I've been diligently studying the texts, and I've made some progress!"

"Good!" Shen Yaqin sat directly opposite him. "Let me see how far you've come. I'll give you a special deal today—this won't count as a test, so no hand-slapping this time..."

"Hand-slapping..." Liu Suiyun immediately withdrew his hands and cautiously asked, "Master's wife, isn't it Real Master Wangshan's turn to lecture now? Wouldn't this be a bit disrespectful?"

"It's because I don't want to listen to Wangshan that I came to see you!" Shen Yaqin, rarely showing such helplessness, sighed. "Wangshan's dirty jokes are one thing, but the ones he told last time left me in such a foul mood that I couldn't enjoy my tea for three days. Your two senior brothers even forced themselves to fast for two days."

For someone like Shen Yaqin, a known tea enthusiast, to go without tea for three days, and for the senior brothers to fast for two, the kind of jokes Real Master Wangshan told must have been beyond disturbing! Not wanting to experience such a horror himself, Liu Suiyun quickly said, "Master's wife, feel free to ask. I will answer to the best of my ability!"

"Good!" Shen Yaqin wasn't just testing Liu Suiyun's progress. Though she wasn't an expert in tea planting, her knowledge of spiritual plants was profound, and she was more than willing to offer some guidance to Liu Suiyun. And if it meant avoiding Wangshan's venomous tongue, why not?

For Liu Suiyun, no matter how shocking Wangshan's jokes were, they were nothing more than shallow entertainment compared to the chicken-soup-for-the-soul wisdom that Master Li offered. After all, Real Master Wangshan had an audience of tens of thousands of cultivators at vastly different stages. Some were just breaking into the Qi Gathering and Qi Refining stages, others had been honing their skills in the Foundation Establishment stage for over a hundred years, and there were even some Golden Core experts. Not to mention, there were cultivators at the Nascent Soul stage, comparable to Liu Suiyun himself.

To cater to such a diverse group, the jokes had to be broad. But how could a few crude jokes compare to the personalized one-on-one guidance from his master's wife? Liu Suiyun had never been more focused. He was constantly making connections, having sudden epiphanies, and reviewing what he'd learned. His cultivation was improving at a pace he never thought possible, and his heart was filled with joy. "Master's wife is truly an excellent teacher!"

Shen Yaqin was equally pleased. Initially, she had worried that Liu Suiyun's foundation was too weak to keep up, but after a few exchanges, she realized that, while Liu Suiyun's methods were unconventional, his progress was astonishing. She didn't have to hold back nearly as much as she thought.

Not only was her apprentice bright and eager to learn, but his quick thinking often allowed him to draw inferences and even make his own discoveries. The greatest satisfaction came when she saw him suddenly have a breakthrough, his expression revealing that another layer of understanding had been peeled away.

At first, Shen Yaqin hadn't had much faith in Liu Suiyun's ability to cultivate spiritual plants on Tianwu Peak, but now her confidence grew. She even had the feeling that, while Liu Suiyun's future achievements in cultivation were hard to predict, in the realm of planting, he might very well surpass all expectations.

As master and apprentice taught and learned from each other on the Chonghua Platform, they were completely absorbed, much to the dismay of Real Master Wangshan, who was giving his lecture.

Real Master Wangshan was one of the most venerable elders on Shenxiao Mountain, with rumors claiming he had lived for over two thousand years. He was close to reaching the late stage of Nascent Soul, and his place on today's schedule even ranked above Sect Leader Li Wanjian, placing him third.

But the higher his rank, the more nervous Wangshan became about making a misstep. From the moment he began his lecture, dirty jokes and crude humor flowed freely, leaving many female and younger cultivators feeling like they were trapped in some kind of infernal torment. Yet Real Master Wangshan himself was unsatisfied.

He felt his jokes weren't landing as well as Sect Leader Li's uplifting speeches. To make matters worse, up in the Linghua Sect's seating area, a young girl, no more than thirteen or fourteen years old, completely ignored his powerful jokes and was wholly engrossed in her Daoist text, occasionally asking Real Master Yanhuo a question.

Could it be that today's jokes weren't crude enough? A glance at Chonghua Peak shocked Real Master Wangshan even further—Shen Yaqin was earnestly imparting knowledge to a handsome young man, and the two were completely indifferent to his presence.

How could this be!

Wangshan's jokes weren't just for amusement; they were a key part of his cultivation method, which claimed that "if you can remain calm and unfazed after hearing these jokes, you've reached the realm of transcendence." The sickening, bloody, and vulgar content of his jokes was beyond the imagination of most people. Even though Wangshan himself seemed unaffected while telling them, his heart was a swirling mix of emotions.

Yet after years of observing the reactions to his jokes, Real Master Wangshan had gained great insight. If someone remained unmoved by his vulgarities, it would leave a massive flaw in his heart.

If the girl was too young to understand the jokes, that was one thing. But what was Shen Yaqin's deal? Despite being married to Chu Nanhua for decades and being a well-established Golden Core cultivator, Shen Yaqin was notorious for being the most squeamish about Wangshan's jokes. She reacted like a sheltered maiden—at the slightest hint of impropriety, she would gag, and if the joke was particularly off-color, she could go without eating for days.

Wangshan's last big joke at the sect's grand ceremony had been about corpse fluid. Shen Yaqin turned pale, left immediately, and retreated into seclusion for half a month.

How could such a flawed woman be unfazed by his most potent material today? This was inconceivable!

Real Master Wangshan concluded that his recent seclusion had dulled his abilities, and he decided to go all out, unleashing his most shocking and vile jokes to crush the spirits of all the cultivators present.

With this resolve, new and old jokes poured from his mouth without restraint. Some were so obscene that several cultivators nearly screamed, while others were so gory that many lost their appetite for the day. The entire hall became chaotic.

Wangshan was in full swing, feeling that his jokes were hitting their mark one after another, entirely devoid of any decency. Under his relentless verbal assault, the cultivators present were in disarray—some were pale as death, some had surrendered, and others were weeping uncontrollably. Some fainted in their seats, while others desperately wished to hide from the world.

Having hit his stride, Wangshan began to use Sect Leader Li's speeches as a springboard. Where Li's talks were pure and inspiring, Wangshan would start similarly but then end with a vicious twist, tearing down any sense of innocence and showing the harsh reality of the Dao. He wanted everyone to understand: "To survive, you must stop at nothing..."

From time to time, a cultivator would faint or vomit, unable to handle the onslaught. Meanwhile, Real Master Yanhuo, an elder, praised Wangshan: "Excellent! It's as fragrant as smelly feet! Truly, Real Master Wangshan's jokes are extraordinary today!"

Wangshan, now full of energy, turned back to the Linghua Sect's platform, only to see the young girl still reading her Daoist text, utterly uninterested in his profound words.

"What the..." Wangshan almost cursed aloud, but quickly turned his gaze to Chonghua Peak, and there he was even more baffled.

Shen Yaqin was still earnestly lecturing her newly accepted apprentice, the one called Liu Suiyun. Could it be that the girl was Linghua Sect's Shen Que'er?

Wangshan could see Liu Suiyun gesturing excitedly, completely entranced, even applauding from time to time. Whatever Shen Yaqin was teaching him, it was captivating enough to make this novice utterly oblivious to his surroundings.

"Damn them!" Wangshan muttered under his breath, though he quickly smiled and said, "Alright then, let's move on to a joke about an illicit couple. I'm sure everyone will enjoy this one!"

"No, please don't!" Many cultivators, already fragile, cried out in horror.

Having not focused too much on his earlier jokes, they were already beyond shocked. Now, the mere thought of what was to come left them dreading for their love lives, causing a wave of protests to rise: "Please, don't!"

Wangshan, however, had already made up his mind. He cleared his throat, preparing to start with a light, romantic tale, only to then crush all notions of innocence with ruthless, heart-wrenching twists. "Let's begin..."