Taming the Queen of Beasts

ELRETH

In the dark, the moon still low, the forest was all shadow. Yet she could see her mother's face clearly.

"No matter how this pans out, and where we end up, you did the right thing," her mother whispered, her eyes burning with intensity, with the insistence that Elreth believe her.

"You can't know that."

"In my life, in my choices, yes, I can," Mom insisted. "You're going to get to the end of this, El, and you're going to see things in hindsight that you wish you'd done differently, I'm sure. Your father always did. But don't fault yourself for things you can't know before they happen. If you were supposed to know them, the Creator would have brought you the opportunity to learn.

"But more importantly… don't fault yourself for the choices of others. Don't fault yourself for me," she breathed.

Elreth had to swallow the lump in her throat. "You… you're going to be fine—"

Her mother pulled her into a fierce hug, her hands clawed into Elreth's back. "No, El. I'm not. But that's okay. The Creator brought me to this place and I'm just glad I had a warning so I could be here with you and tell you…"

She pushed back far enough to hold Elreth's arms and meet her eyes, grief and pride painted on her face. "You are brave, and strong, and fragile—and that's okay. You have to be breakable to be truly beautiful, and you are, El. You are so beautiful. You're so strong and I know everyone commends you for that, but I also know you see your strength as… necessary. And it's not. Not always. Be strong as a Queen, but let yourself feel, El. Let yourself need. Especially with your mate. But also with your brother, and your friends. Your children, when they come. Let yourself need. Let them see your need. It isn't weakness to love. And you can't love without needing on some level."

"But as Queen—"

"As Queen, as mate, as friend… it doesn't matter, Elreth. Strength is only admirable when it's limited. Even your father has limits. Even you do. Which is why when you stand so strong, it steals my breath away. I know that strength costs you. Because it cost me and your father, too.

"I'm not telling you to give in when you don't need to. I'm not telling you to rely on others when you're equipped for the task. Use the strength the Creator gave you, and don't shy away from it. But recognize your weakness, as well. Don't turn it to shame. Understand that wherever you are weak, the Creator brings others into your life who can be strong—for you. But if you deny your need, or deny them, you stay weak. Let them… brace you."

Elreth cleared her throat, fighting the urge to cry like a cub and throw herself into her mother's chest. "Why are you telling me this now?"

"Because I won't have another chance." Elia put a hand to Elreth's face and she smiled a beautiful smile. "Promise me, El. Promise me you'll remember this and heed it. Your weakness is not a shame to you. It's the doorways in your life to intimacy with others. It's the path for joy and trust and… so many things. Promise me you'll stop denying your needs. Stop making yourself aloof. Because if you are willing to show your need, others will be willing to admit theirs—and together you'll all grow stronger for being able to help each other in the best ways possible. Promise me, El."

"I promise," she breathed.

Her mother's eyes closed and tipped her head into Elreth's chest.

Swallowing tears, Elreth held her mother, her head screaming at her that this was all wrong! Her mom was talking like this was the last time they'd ever speak! And that couldn't be right. Elreth wouldn't let it be right—

"El, you're doing it again," her mother whispered, rubbing her back.

"I… what?"

"You don't have to fix this. What's happening is right. If it hurts, just… be hurt. Let me hold you. And let me know that you're hurting. I'm in pain, El, and right now, I need to hold you and need to know you're still my daughter, and you won't… you won't be angry with me for leaving—"

"Mom, no! Don't say that!" Elreth's voice broke and she clung tighter. "I'm not… I'm not mad at you. I just… I think that we can't know what's going to happen and I don't want you feeling like there's no hope!"

Her mother sighed and pulled back to meet her eyes again. "There's always hope, El. Always. Never lose hope," she whispered. "Just know that… sometimes what you're hoping for is less than what the Creator has planned for you. Be willing to walk where He leads and even if the path is dark… it will always end up in the light."

They stared at each other. Elreth didn't miss the pinch in her mother's gaze. The weariness and grief.

And the need.

"Thank you, Mom," she breathed. And then she couldn't stop the tears. Her mother's face, so understanding, so gentle, blurred as her tears spilled over. "Thank you for loving who I am even though we're so different. Thank you for not trying to force me to be who you wanted me to be. Thank you for being wise, and letting me climb trees, and have a male best friend and… not cook, and… thank you for letting me beat up Gar."

Her mother snorted a strangled laugh, her tears spilling down her cheeks as well.

Somehow they were both laughing and crying. They fell into each other in a sobbing hug.

"Thank you for making me a mother," her mother whispered through her tears. "Thank you for loving me even in my mistakes. And for not stealing your father's heart from me."

"I—what? That's not even possible. You two are sickening!" Elreth laugh-sobbed.

Her mother just pulled back far enough to push a strand of Elreth's hair behind her ear, and shook her head, but she was smiling. "You'd be surprised," was all she said.

El was about to argue again, but her mother sighed and her face crumpled. "I love you, El," she said, her voice thin and trembling. "Wherever this goes, whatever happens… don't forget that, ever. I love you, and I'm proud of you. You're the woman I always wanted to be, and I admire you, even with your flaws, El. Truly. I love you, my big, bold, beautiful daughter. I love you so much."

Elreth sobbed.