The Flower Dances and the Wind Sings

71.

It was the party that Mother cared about the most. Even her dress was entrusted to Ludelsia’s top seamstress; adorned with white lace, it seemed to be colored by the blue sky. How could I forget Mother’s devotion?

“You really…came?”

Although she did not fully believe it, there was a slight tremble in her voice. Ercella admitted that the voice, which sounded funny, was accompanied by a sliver of hope— unlike before.

“I arrived near the end.”

“…”

“…But something came up so I had to go back.”

Either way, he was absent. Even so, just the fact that he came made her happy. Ercella paused at his words that something came up and he had to go back. Could it be…related to Princess Hermia? Ercella was curious, but she couldn’t ask. By mentioning her name, she didn’t want him to be reminded of the noble princess. Ercella was not foolish; she did not want to be compared to the other woman who was quite elegant and beautiful.

Ercella vaguely knew what this ugly feeling was: an inferiority complex she had unconsciously harbored, that perhaps she wasn’t the best choice for Harsen, that it would have been better for him to marry the princess.

“I didn’t know you still had it in your heart.”

“I waited for you!” Ercella shouted in spite of herself.

Harsen’s eyes appeared disturbed, but she couldn’t afford to notice.

“I waited for you. I waited all day. It was my Coming-of-Age…yet you only sent an obligatory congratulations in advance.”

Of course that didn’t mean he’d come. Even though I knew it well, I was just being unreasonably hurt. You said congratulations in advance so why didn’t you come? Why did you go to the princess’s birthday then?

Harsen was staring at Ercella’s tilted head as if she were preoccupied with something. After a while, he answered a beat slower, “You were with Casaro Damonshire.”

Ercella was stunned at the name brought up without context.

Casaro Damonshire? Why him all of a sudden? Have I ever met him separately?

At her Coming-of-Age party, she was on the jump because of the influx of people. Could she have time to meet Casaro separately..?

For a moment, Harsen’s lips curved gracefully, “You two were having a bit of a tryst in front of the annex.”

At the detail of the location, Ercella was able to recall that she briefly met Casaro separately that day.

Ercella felt wronged. It was a very brief meeting that lasted less than ten minutes. Even that was half-forced by Casaro. It wasn’t nearly long enough to be called a tryst. But did that dratted meeting look like a tryst?

“A tryst? That’s impossible.”

“Then?”

“He just had something to say.”

“What did you talk about?”

“It’s not anything too important—”

“It’s important to me.”

His persistent interest stopped Ercella.

Harsen, who was staring at Ercella with her mouth agape, smiled faintly and cupped her cheeks. “I’m curious.”

“…”

“What sweet words did he use to seduce you? Did you fall for it? Were you shaken even once? And if you were shaken, was it your mind or heart?”

“…”

“Were you willing to have that lame name, even for a split second?”

Due to her slightly raised chin, she was half-forced to meet his gaze. Ercella looked at Harsen. A man smiling arrogantly as he called the family serving Grania for generations lame. It looked strange.

“Tell me.”

An urging tone. But Ercella couldn’t say anything as if she was bound.

Did she fall for the words sweet as candy? She did. Though not in her heart, but in her mind. She was willing to take the Damonshire name— Casaro Damonshire— simply because he was her best choice.

Before you became my best choice.

But the moment I say those words, our relationship will be twisted again.

Ercella chose a bitter silence.

Harsen spoke languidly as if he already knew her answer, “I know how much you value your family. Caron Visaride, Eshahilde Visaride, you couldn’t abandon them. When I see you, sometimes I wonder what a family is. You, who dreamed of love while reading cheap novels, I wonder how much you love your family for you to be willing to embrace a man you don’t even love. I wonder what you thought as you hugged me. How you felt when you bore a child that looked like me? What does family mean to you? Do you consider me your family?”

“…Of course, that’s a given.”

“What an honor.” He concluded his speech with an uninspired, gentle tone. His tired, slanted lips did not seem to believe her.

Ercella looked at the man who had returned to his blank expression. His pitch-black eyes were as indifferent as if he would not budge even if she was not wearing a single thread.

His touch, contrasting his dull face, brushed all over Ercella’s face. The finger on her cheek swept down her eyelashes. His careful touch tickled as if it were dealing with something precious. Ercella glanced sideways at the big hand wrapping around her. She suddenly felt a little cheated.

‘He…told me not to touch him.’

Still, he’s very good at it. Having resigned and fully accepted his touch, Ercella noticed the smell of alcohol wafting from him.

“Did you drink?”

“A little.”

He does seem a little different from usual. Ercella thought.

‘Did he drink a lot?’

Seeing that the color of his face remained unchanged, he seemed to be fine.

“I don’t think you drank,” said Harsen.

“…Hmm.”

“That’s a relief.” He was languidly relieved.

Ercella felt ashamed for a moment, “Was I being…very annoying?”

“Then you won’t drink?”

Ercella groaned as if she were suffering from the impossible.

“Was I that much…of a nuisance?”

She seemed to want him to tell her, even if indirectly, that her asking him questions was not a nuisance.

Harsen laughed a little nervously in response. Just thinking about you dancing in the arms of another man while drunk makes me sick, yet you speak of it so casually.

“Nevermind. Let’s hear what happened at the party.”

Ercella was discouraged. He neither denied nor agreed, and seeing that he cut her off definitely meant an affirmative.

‘I must have been a nuisance.’

She felt the need to restrain herself for the time being. She didn’t plan to attend many banquets anyway. There weren’t enough days to even care for Vicente.

In the meantime, Ercella was dumbfounded that he had not forgotten his original purpose. She thought she could pass it flexibly, but it seemed he didn’t intend to.

Ercella recounted what happened today. A lot had happened. Caron spoke ambiguously, she was criticized by people, she apologized to Garten, she was shamelessly angry at Vicente, and showed a brazen smile in front of a Robert.

It was a series of bad things. I’d rather tell him everything. I hate the Gartens so much. I don’t want us to get engaged to that family, should I beg him? If I cry and complain, won’t he listen to me? Ercella scoffed at her disorganized mind.

‘Just as a bunch of apologies doesn’t solve everything, it’s too late to cry over spilled milk. Aren’t you old enough to not act selfishly? You sure live a very convenient life.’

As Vicente said, I tend to solve everything the easy way, while dripping tears and grumbling, things that children would do.

Not everything in the world works out the way you want it to. Had she accepted it calmly and sought out a new path, would something have changed by now? Could she have appeased his deep-seated distrust toward her?

‘Can I instill faith in him?’

Time and time again, the thought that I wasn’t this man’s best choice comes to my mind. Ercella laughed bitterly and said in resignation, “I…”

“…”

“Why do I keep feeling sorry toward you?”

“…”

“Why are you making it hard for me to be mad at you?”

He’s like…

Like someone who wants to be confirmed that I won’t leave them.

She felt mortified by his lowly suspicions. I know I said I’d like to wake up alone, but if he’s next to me I’d rather lean on him…

“I want to change…”

“Stay like this.”

What does Harsen mean by ‘like this’? Only he’d know. But I can’t stay ‘like this’. Facing Harsen with blurred vision, Ercella asked, “Do…”

“…”

“Do you still need me?”

She was not confident. How much stake do I have in the life of this man who seems indifferent to everything?

Harsen sighed, “I see we’re on different pages.”

Without even asking, she knew he meant it about the conversation. In the end, he gave up on her insistence on not telling the whole story about what happened at the Coming-of-Age party.

“I don’t know what you want me to answer, but…”

“…”

“Yes, I need you.”

“…”

“So stay by my side.”

Ercella looked vacantly at Harsen.

“I’ll always treat you with love.”

“Dear,” the low voice added.

Her mind drifted away.

* * *

He swiped the engravings on the doorknob with his index finger.

“Would you like to go back in?”

Clifton asked cautiously at Harsen’s seemingly lingering behavior. Even though he knew very well his master wouldn’t. And just as Clifton thought, Harsen didn’t. Initiated by Clifton’s words, he pulled back his hand back from the doorknob.

“What about Vicente?”

“The Young Master is in his room.”

Clifton didn’t bother to mention that Vicente was working on the paperwork that he hadn’t finished by now. He, as his father, would know better than anyone else that the Young Master did not like to waste time.

“Call him to the study.”

Clifton was worried Vicente would be exhausted, but he couldn’t object.

“Yes, Master.”

* * *