The Law of Averages

Chapter 37

The Austin Police Department's Third precinct was designed to intimidate. It was not just the fact that the structure of its outer walls mimicked a medieval castle, or that the roof had stone parapets. It wasn't just that the outer walls protected inner walls, an entire separate building, a sanctum even more heavily reinforced. It wasn't that each police officer, from the lowliest desk jockey to the Chief himself, was likely cut from marble and carved like a Greek god. In truth, the most intimidating fact about the building was its aura.

Dan shook his head ruefully. He sounded like a hippy, but it was true. There wasn't really a better word for it. The place had an imposing vibe. It was a bit like how a haunted house could terrify teenagers through its mere existence. The Third precinct was a badass. The building itself, mind you, or rather the area that it consisted of. It wouldn't surprise Dan if the thing was secretly a transformer, waiting for its time to shine.

The feeling made no sense, so Dan mentioned it to Gregoir.

"You feel the mighty power of our illustrious Captain Gable!" Gregoir explained (loudly) as they passed through the massive steel gate that allowed entrance through the outer wall. The pair garnered a few odd looks as they approached, but these looks faded quickly once Gregoir's presence was recognized. The gazes turned to pity, then, directed solely at Dan.

It was uncomfortable.

"A natural power?" Dan panted out, as he struggled to keep up with Gregoir's massive gait.

A good thirty yards separated the outer and inner walls. A wide courtyard led towards the entrance of the actual precinct, and another layer of security. The second checkpoint was rather more modern, consisting of a rope line leading to a series of scanners that an airport would kill to possess. Several officers milled about in the area, speaking to the odd citizen. The entrance itself was rather narrow, only four or five Dan's wide. Gregoir could probably occupy the entire doorway by himself if he tried.

The blonde giant's stride broke for a moment and he coughed into his fist. "Ah, that was a bit of exaggeration on my part. No. The captain is a mutate, but his upgrade was a standard issue one. For... anti-riot purposes, if I remember correctly."

Belatedly, Dan realized that natural powers were not exactly commonplace anymore. Not only that, but the society at large seemed to possess a not entirely unreasonable fear of such things. The random nature of the process probably didn't help. In a country once ravaged by frivolous power use, it must be comforting for citizens to know exactly what their protectors were capable of.

"Good day to you Mr. Kenny!" Gregoir over-exuberantly waved towards one of the checkpoint guards.

The man was slightly shorter than Dan, though just as built as the rest of the police officers. He possessed slightly dark skin, wrinkled slightly from age, and Asian features. A prominent scar ran down the side of his face, starting from the corner of his left eye and curling down to his jaw. His black hair was flecked with grey and trimmed into a crew cut. Approaching fifty at the minimum, the man held himself like a military veteran. He was also visibly scowling.

"I told you not to call me that," Kenny(?) admonished.

"My apologies!" Gregoir boomed, not breaking stride in the slightest. "Greetings, Sergeant Ito! Why have you been consigned to the front gates on this fine afternoon?"

Dan followed along like a meek puppy, keenly aware of the Asian man's growing displeasure. Gregoir brought him straight past the rope line, his towering legs stepping past the obstacles with ease. Dan kept up with some difficulty, gracelessly tumbling beneath each rope and praying that people were too busy staring at Gregoir to notice his own performance.

At last they reached the front of the line. Gregoir's arms extended out, hugging towards Sergeant Ito in a friendly, if presumptive, gesture.

Kenny slapped them away without hesitation. "We've got another group of brats visiting today from some private college. The captain thought I might frighten the little piglets. Said something about an 'unsuitable demeanor for recruitment'."

Gregoir chuckled. "Do not misunderstand our brave captain, my friend! It's simply that some prospective recruits might misconstrue your honest and forthright way of speaking as intentionally abrasive!"

Sergeant Ito grunted dismissively. "He's pampering them, the little shits. If they can't handle a little honest criticism, then what are they even doing here? We don't need soft rookies."

"We do, actually," Gregoir corrected genially. "Our manpower is shockingly low of late, as you know!"

Ito scoffed. "Quality trumps quantity, Officer Pierre-Louise. It would be a favor to the department if I were to show up at that little recruitment drive and scare off the bad seeds."

"I suspect that you would scare off more than the bad seeds," Gregoir admitted with a loud guffaw.

"Hm, not so," Ito murmured to himself gruffly. "I was quite good at making treasure from trash, once upon a time. My methods work, as you're well aware."

"Alas!" Gregoir cried with passion. "Your methods are your own! I am ashamed to admit it, but I lack the strength of character to train recruits in the same manner that you have in the past!"

"Yes, you prefer to cheer them into compliance," Ito observed dryly. The corner of his lip ticked up ever so slightly.

Then he leveled his scarred gaze on Dan. "And what's your story, kid? Has this fellow's sparkling personality inspired you to join the ranks of the exalted Austin PD?" He jabbed a thumb towards Gregoir without glancing away from Dan's eyes.

Dan was unfazed. The man was moderately intimidating, Dan supposed, but nothing really matched up to Grandma Summers.

"It was more like he abducted me from my hotel lobby," Dan admitted frankly.

Conversation paused in the general area as people processed that statement.

"Hah!" Ito laughed. It was a sudden, short thing. An abrupt bark that almost seemed to startle Gregoir.

"You're awful calm for an abductee," the scarred man noted with visible amusement. Gregoir, meanwhile, fidgeted awkwardly.

Dan shrugged. "I've got a mutated short-hop upgrade. I can leave at any time."

"Implying he brought you here," Ito noted. "Awful stupid of you to get in the car of a stranger, cop or not."

Dan shrugged. "He caught me off guard with his... what did you call it? His sparkling personality."

"Much like a flashbang," Ito agreed with a nod, much to Gregoir's dismay.

"Quite so, quite so." Dan was getting far too much enjoyment out of the blonde giant's discomfort. "Anyway, once I regained my senses, I decided to find out if this lunatic really is a cop."

"Of course I'm—"

"Surprised?" Ito interrupted Gregoir's protest to query Dan.

Dan shrugged. "I was at first, but your conversation explained it. You are low on manpower."

"Hah!"

Gregoir gaped at the casual reply. Though Sergeant Ito likely bantered with him often, the French viking was clearly unused to being teamed up on. He decided to cut his losses and move forward.

"Ahem." Gregoir coughed into his fist, then gestured towards Ito. "Daniel Newman, this is Sergeant Kaneda Ito. He is a thirty-year veteran of the force, and my old mentor."

Dan stared at the scarred man, aghast.

"Don't give him the wrong impression," Ito snapped with irritation.

He turned to Dan. "I pulled this brat out of a ruined building, after some idiot tried to build a cosmic generator and blew himself up. He got it in his head that it was his destiny"—Ito flashed air quotes—"to follow in my footsteps. He hasn't left me alone since."

"You were my saviour!" Gregoir shouted emotionally. "To do anything else would have been spitting upon your kindness!"

Every cop in the courtyard rolled their eyes and looked away, apparently accustomed to the noise. The odd civilian milling about edged away from the loud man.

Ito simply rubbed the bridge of his nose and sighed. "Alright, enough of this. You're holding up the line, Gregoir. Why are you even here?"

"Oh!" The hulking blonde finally remembered his purpose. "I was planning on giving young Daniel a tour of our facilities. And, perhaps, arrange for a ride along."

The last sentence was rushed out, as if Dan wouldn't hear it if it was spoken fast enough. He let it slide, though. This was turning out to be way more entertaining than he thought it would be.

"A tour? What tour? Is this the Statue of Liberty?" Ito demanded. "Do you think you can bring in anyone off the street and give them a tour on a whim?"

"We don't give tours?" Gregoir asked with an air of absolute innocence. His eyes glittered with honesty.

"No." A flat denial.

Gregoir wilted convincingly, before surging back into place. "Well then, we'll have to settle for a ride along, won't we!? Those we do hand out on a whim! All the better to find promising recruits!"

He turned towards Dan, broad smile in place.

Sneaky bastard.

"Perhaps this is for the best," Gregoir consoled, clapping his hand on Dan's back. "Only through the rigors of battle can you truly understand the necessity of our existence! Only through personal experience can you comprehend the righteousness of our path!"

"The rigors of battle?" Dan questioned dubiously. As in, what, a fist fight with a drunkard? A firefight? A robbery? Be more specific!

He glanced towards Ito. "Is that likely?"

The scarred sergeant shrugged noncommittally. "The job is a rough one. Most ride alongs go through quiet areas, but shit happens. It's not unheard of."

"This is not convincing me," Dan stated factually.

"Ah, but young Daniel, your upgrade is perfect for this! Should we encounter danger, you can simply teleport away!" Gregoir thrust his hand forward and flashed a thumbs-up.

Dan snorted. "I can't dodge a bullet, Gregoir. My reflexes aren't that fast."

The massive blonde's expression stilled. He leaned down to meet Dan's eyes. A large hand was placed over Dan's shoulder in what was probably meant to be an encouraging gesture.

"I would sooner hurl myself into the path of a gunman than allow a person under my care to be harmed," he pronounced gravely.

So he'd die too. What a comfort.

"What even is your upgrade?" Dan asked, stoically keeping his eyes from rolling.

"I'm glad that you asked!" Gregoir straightened himself and struck a bodybuilder's pose. "I have no upgrade! My power was bestowed upon me by Lady Luck herself! Refined through my own blood and sweat! Mastered after years of hard work!"

Ito quietly placed his palm over his face.

"By focusing my immense willpower and peerless physique," Gregoir continued, unabated, "my power allows me to manifest my valiant Fighting Spirit!"

He continued to vary his poses throughout the explanation, ending with his elbows bent and fists facing the sky. His biceps bulged against his blue uniform shirt.

A long moment passed at the security checkpoint, as everyone within earshot quietly evaluated the blonde's sanity.

"He's a regenerator," Ito explained gruffly.

"I am a misunderstood hero!" Gregoir cried.

"Originally, we thought he just had near-infinite stamina," Ito confided. "The kid just would not quit. We didn't even realize how much he could regenerate until he took a shotgun slug to the chest—"

"Twice!" Gregoir corrected with entirely too much enthusiasm.

"—and just walked it off," Ito finished grumpily.

"How could I lay still while there were evildoers to apprehend!?" Gregoir questioned earnestly. He turned to Daniel, beaming with confidence.

"So as you can see, young Daniel," Gregoir boomed, "you have nothing to fear while I am at your side!"

"Yeah...no," Dan replied firmly. No matter how effective a meat shield this burly fellow would make, Dan had zero desire to hurl himself into possible danger without the slightest preparation. No way. He had been promised a tour, and he'd either collect or leave.

Gregoir's face fell. "Daniel, I assure you—"

"Didn't you say there was a tour group going on already?" Dan directed the question towards Sergeant Ito. "Why can't I just join up with them?"

The Asian man grimaced. "That bunch of brats is from an extremely prestigious private college here for a career day of sorts. It's not the sort of group you can simply stumble into."

Dan crossed his arms and stared at Gregoir. "I guess I'l be leaving, then."

The blonde looked startled at the sudden decision. Waving both hands frantically, he said, "Now hold on a moment, Daniel! Perhaps the captain can be convinced to allow you to join them!"

He turned to Ito and cupped his fists before the scarred man. "Sir! Your disciple humbly requests your aid!"

Ito's face blackened with displeasure.

"What disciple!? What aid!? Idiot! You are only respectful when you need something from me!" the veteran officer furiously berated his subordinate.

Dan was flabbergasted. Surely, we could all learn a lesson from this big guy's shamelessness.

"Master, I have found a good seed, but only you can help me plant him!" Gregoir continued to cry, bowing stiffly at the waist.

Now it was Dan's turn to scowl. Good seed indeed! This lunatic kidnapped him and now had the audacity to make up such nonsense!

"Stop your whining, fool, we are in public! Are you not a man? Look at the size of you, how can you act like this? You're like a mountain made of pudding! That beard hides the face of a six-year old!" Ito continued to furiously rain down insults even as his complexion grew red with embarrassment. The surrounding officers quietly snickered as his hard-ass image was cruelly tarnished.

Gregoir straightened his back and wiped at his face. The back of his wrist came away moist, and his eyes glistened with emotion.

"This disciple accepts your criticism!" Gregoir wailed dramatically. "He is weak and lowly! Please lend him your assistance!"

Nobody liked to watch a grown man cry, fake or not.

Thirty minutes later, Dan found himself in front of a group of college seniors.