The Queen Villainess Eavesdrops on My Heart and Won’t Let Me Slack Off

Chapter 148: The Meaning of Life and Pursuit.

Chapter 148 The Meaning of Life and Pursuit.

After a moment of decisive action, she fell into confusion.

Although I am myself, what kind of thing should I be?

Her memory as the "six-winged angel Nalinnir" existed for tens of thousands of years, but as an independent projection with self-awareness, it has only been for less than an hour.

Wanting to possess ideals, goals, and beliefs is still too extravagant.

She only has memories that originate from Nalina and the memories carried within the body of Shati.

Even if she doesn't want to admit it, she can't get rid of the marks these two people left behind.

The little projector finally made a decision, "Well then, should you call me Shana for the time being?"

"Never mind, I couldn't come up with one myself and I need another name, so let's just add these two names together."

"Okay, as long as you like it yourself, it's fine."

Roger instantly understood this naming convention and nodded with a smile.

He immediately thought of the joke about "parents" he had just made with the Queen and was very glad that the little projection hadn't drawn inspiration from that aspect of its creator and given himself a name like "Lo'o".

If it gets out, he would never be able to wash clean even if he jumps into the Rose River. Then he will be hunted down by the fanatical Queen's fans and become a quark.

"Now, it has a name. What should I do next?" Shana looked at Roger with a mixed fear of the unknown and excitement for infinite possibilities hidden in her eyes.

At that moment, Roger felt like a complete newbie who was playing a game for the first time and didn't even know the basics of killing monsters, leveling up, and taking quests.

She craves adventure and has countless curiosities about the world, but is afraid of being too clumsy to do anything well in the end.

This angelic lady is unexpectedly a bit cute.

Judging solely by appearance, the Shana in front of me is also a rare beauty. Based solely on her looks, Roger feels that she is on par with the beautiful and immortal Night Queen.

To adapt to the divine power that came with her arrival, Chatty's body underwent slight adjustments: A few strands of red were added to the tips of her silver hair, her pupils shone like gemstones in a deep purple color, her facial features became more three-dimensional and beautiful, with a sculpted aesthetic, as well as a hint of youthfulness.

Of course, her most significant change should have been growing three pairs of wings, but they were all cut off by Roger.

Nowadays, Shana can be said to have integrated the advantages of both Master Tiamat and Wilhelmina Carmel in terms of appearance, and she is at her peak from the day of her release.

However, Shana often loses herself in confusion and absent-mindedness. Her movements and tone are cautious, like a young fawn, lacking the confidence that beauty should have. She appears more like an artistic and mildly socially anxious noble young lady.

This is also the reason that makes Roger feel lovely, rather than beautiful and charming.

"If you haven't made your arrangements, let me take you on a tour of the mysterious capital first."

Roger was like a dutiful guide, polite. "You can always tell me your plans, requirements, and taboos, Miss Shawna, and I will do my best to arrange them."

Shana hesitated for a moment before realizing that "Shana" referred to herself. She responded with some shyness and some joy, "Ah, okay! I don't have any special requirements. Let's first take a look at this city... Um, that's it!"

Although she had great ambitions in her heart, "I want to be a free and unrestrained angel," in reality, Shana had no idea what freedom meant.

Roger wanted to take her to visit the city of the capital, she didn't feel any rejection, so she agreed to go.

At the same time, she had no intention of causing destruction or running away in her mind.

She even felt a sense of satisfaction and joy in being respected when Roger called her name and asked about her needs.

Nalinai'er is a proud and extraordinarily powerful angel who doesn't need to bow to most gods.

But Shana is just a small projection created by the Empress of Eternal Night because of mission failure, and in fact, she is deeply insecure.

As a projection, she should have come and gone with the rise and fall of the sun.

In the normal process, means such as projecting or duplicating oneself to complete a task must be retrieved after use because they are disposable consumable items.

Sometimes, due to differences in information and the speed of time flow between dimensions, there may be a situation where the projection and the original entity have a mismatch in consciousness. This gives birth to a "differentiated" new individual.

But when the recycling process is complete, this consciousness returns to its original state, fusion. It can also be considered that the new consciousness has then been killed.

The small differences that arise in the fragmented consciousness will only be like drops in the ocean when faced with the vast consciousness and memories of divine-level beings, and will not have any impact on the original personality.

Just like how losing love can be the same, a sixteen or seventeen-year-old girl may seek death while a sixty or seventy-year-old person may just smile slightly, with no ripples in their heart.

Especially for creatures such as angels who were born for war, they don't have a normal growth trajectory and so their life experiences are not complete.

The projection carrying out the task has incomplete memories and only possesses the information necessary for this mission. If more information is needed, it can be obtained from the source at any time.

This results in Shana's head being filled with many conclusions after being disconnected from her body, but she doesn't know how these conclusions were reached, nor does she have a clear understanding of her past.

Of course, she is more confused about the present situation.

"Having a body as a tool to perform tasks is a completely different experience from actually living as a human being."

The sudden change and unexpected freedom left Shana truly at a loss.

Negotiation? Indeed she has a lot of information, which is important for the empire.

But what is she going to exchange this information for?

Is it just about not being killed so easily?

Shana is very smart. The Night Empress went to great lengths to create her, give her life, and she won't kill herself as long as she doesn't do anything too reckless before she learns everything she wants to know in the empire.

So, what does she want to achieve with the chips that she has?

Money, power, possessions, people?

She discovered that without a goal, even holding expensive chips, she couldn't get anything useful for herself in the end.

Because angels never have their own life, they only perform one task after another for God.

"Freedom is something they never dared to hope for, and cannot expect."

I never need to think about how to plan the rest of my life, as the gods have already arranged everything.

She doesn't know how to take advantage of this freedom and even wants to go back to her past life.

Just like a person who spent decades in prison from youth to old age, he/she will not be able to adapt to the outside world after being released.

Extreme individuals tend to choose suicide after having freedom.

...

...

The Mysterious Capital: A very ordinary street in the commoner's district, on both sides of which are old neighborhoods that have been lacking maintenance and renovation for decades.

Chaos, patchy high and low buildings without any planning and lines are drawn haphazardly like a mischievous child, completely lacking any aesthetic beauty.

The narrow alley is filled with an unpleasant smell that cannot be dispersed. Children run around half-naked, during the day while their parents are busy working, these unrestrained little ones are as carefree as the wind.

Leaky windows, cheap food lacking oil and sugar, and a decaying wooden staircase that creaks underfoot can be distressing, but catching a strong cricket in the weeds can bring them countless happy conversations and anticipation.

Roger had originally planned to take Shana to tour the mysterious capital's awe-inspiring surface buildings, and then visit the various luxurious places bustling with activity and aristocrats.

However, this angel didn't follow the usual route and, after visiting several scenic spots, proposed to visit a densely populated civilian area.

Roger didn't know the reason, but his task was to accompany Shana and help her find happiness as a mortal. It was also not right to go against her choice.

In preparation for the night patrol, we swept away the troublesome and unruly rubbish that was too eye-catching.

Roger finally took Shana into the civilian area.

The expression on Shana's face as she walked along didn't have much change, only curious glances left and right. She smiled at the children who looked stunned at her and Roger's clothes.

To be honest, the texture and color of her and Roger's clothes don't match the style of this area - in the era when the textile industry was still considered the handicraft industry, the more bright and colorful the fabric was, the more expensive it was.

Moreover, ordinary people, only have a few sets of clothes. For work, durability and stain resistance is the first choice, and they will not waste extra money on appearance.

She was quite interested in watching children play with crickets, and after watching for a while, she exclaimed, "Competition that has nothing to do with life and death or profit, just to pass the long hours?"

These little brats, who can't even cover their butts with their poor clothes, are grinning widely and celebrating their invincible general's continuous victories till the end.

For angels, this is a completely unimaginable life.

In her limited memory, every minute and every second was spent busy with tasks for the gods. Even during rare moments of leisure, she had to constantly sing hymns in praise of the gods.

Roger looked at her with slight sympathy and said, "This is childhood."

"Childhood... was really good," Shana murmured, remembering the world that brought her beautiful daydreams.

Angels are created as complete beings and naturally don't have a childhood.

Roger suddenly found this picture interesting.

"A born top dog in this world, capable of crushing the entire block without effort, yet envies the children rolling like mud monkeys on the ground."

Is this the besieged city?

The children's clothing and food can be considered refugee-like by modern standards.

But in this world, their parents are still dignified free citizens, with a standard of living similar to that of self-sufficient farmers.

Even the elderly people on the street, who have been bent over by hard labor, can still see hope in their eyes.

Their originally numb expressions suddenly realized the possibility of a better life from the recent changes in the empire, and their mouths also involuntarily curved into a smile.

Compared to these people who seem to be suffering a lot, such as tenant farmers, serfs, and slaves, they are the true bottom of the world.

They are engaged in the most dangerous work on the brink of death, yet receive no income. They are squeezed dry by the violence of the strong, and the future brings darkness despite the dawn.

On Earth, slaves can still rebel, but in the world of Eternal night, the existence of magic creates an unimaginable power gap between the proletarians and the leisure class.

If there were no characters like the Night Queen and Roger, the ruling structure of this world could continue to be stable for thousands of years.

Roger sighed lightly, "Actually, their carefree childhood is very short-lived. When they are one or two years older, these children have to help their families with work, work until they become adults, and then worry about getting married and building careers, and raising their children."

Shana's long eyelashes blinked, and a glimmer of confusion crossed her dazzling eyes, like purple jewels. "Is this the never-ending cycle of human life?"

"Most people are like this."

"Is raising children the meaning of their life?"

This naive question that wouldn't even appear in a barrage made Roger dumbfounded for a while.

After all, bullet comments still require typing. If you recognize words, you probably have also been given work by teachers. What is the purpose of living?

Shana is literate and knows of over a hundred languages and scripts from around the world, yet she is asking such a stupid question...

However, Roger also understands that angels once lived only for the sake of the gods.

When Shana asked this, it sounded like she was curious about the lives of these commoners, but in fact, she was searching for the meaning of her existence.

If the Queen of the Eternal Night were here, she would probably say that living is to defeat all unbeatable opponents in the world.

If Marguerite was here, she would take the opportunity to instill in Shana that living as a human is all about pursuing one's dreams... ah, the Queen of the Night.

"Keluojie is not a traditional imperialist, he analyzes this problem rationally from the perspective of a modern person."

For most people in this world, reproduction is the meaning of life because they are still struggling on the edge of survival, and all their actions are just to desperately satisfy their animalistic and hormone-controlled desires.

Only when life goes beyond the bottom line of survival, with enough knowledge and thinking, will the meaning of living for a wise race be transformed into the pursuit of spiritual fulfillment? Someone like you, at the top of the pyramid of strength, should also behave like this.

Shana could only vaguely understand what was being said to her, and she said with frustration, "So you're saying that I shouldn't just live like an animal, doing nothing but eating, drinking, sleeping, mating, and reproducing. I have to think about other things as well."

She thinks it should be full, right?

"Human beings always transcend animals and seek abstract things."

"But I don't know what to pursue."

"Then go and look, observe books, people, and all things in the world."

Roger looked at Shana's face, which was almost crumpled, and resisted the urge to pinch her cheeks. He comforted her, "Don't be anxious, everyone's answer is different. You still have a long life ahead of you and can gradually discover it."

Shana let out a soft sigh and said, "It sounds complicated. I suddenly don't feel like living anymore."

Roger's forehead veins were popping, what the hell is the problem?

"Do you know those people who are struggling to survive and are doing everything they can? If they hear a top-level strong person like you talking so dramatically and making such a big deal out of minor issues, do you think they would want to kill you?"

Oh, if they can't beat you, neither can I. So that's okay.

Roger compromised, "It's also normal not to pursue anything, and at such times, one can choose to guard."

"Protecting family, nation, country, and even the world of survival?" Shana recalled the response before the Night Queen and sighed bitterly, "I'm sorry, I don't have those things. You can't expect me to continue leading the Tianming Army and revive Veronica, right?"

"What you need to protect is yourself," Roger said seriously. "Whether you want to live or die, it's your own choice. But many people want to live but are too weak to do so; they want to die, but their bodies keep working. They want to succeed, but the path ahead is blocked; they want to explore their desires but are tied down in one place... I know you resent the freedom the emperor has imposed on you. But if there is a God who says that every breath of air you take in this world is a sin and you will be judged for it, you may regret losing your freedom."

Anger rose in Shana's eyes, her fists instinctively clenched and she bit her lip, clearly emotionally stirred up.

But suddenly she relaxed again, a mysterious smile appearing at the corner of her mouth. She quickly moved in front of Roger, her big eyes almost touching his nose, and looked at him with great interest.

"You..." Roger didn't have the intention to kill, as magic flickered between his fingers without being activated temporarily.

Shana smiled playfully and said, "The judgment of the gods can come at any time. It's too troublesome to find a pursuit beyond animal nature, so let's just be happy little animals for now!"

She grabbed Roger's hand that was ready to cast a spell, dispelled the magic, pulled his collar with her other hand, and then kissed him hard.

Roger widened his eyes in shock and asked, "Have I violated core values?"