The Returner

Chapter 63: Eii, it’s not gonna bite, you know? (3)

What was the meaning of “holiday” to a human being?

Wasn’t it supposed to be ‘healing the wariness of one’s heart and spirit born out of the daily trudge, through an uninterrupted rest’?

And the most desirable outcome of one’s holiday should be to recharge one’s batteries in order to reenter and reintegrate into the workings of society, after the holiday’s conclusion.

When considering all of the above, then right here, right now, you’d undoubtedly find a ‘human being’ enjoying the wrong kind of a holiday.

With a crumpled face, madam Park Seon-Duk was glaring at her lovely, lovely son.

Taptaptaptaptaptap!!!

His hands pounding on the keyboard seemed so utterly brilliant at this moment.

If he was engaged in any other activity, she would be tempted to say his dedication was quite outstanding and rightly feel proud of her child, but seeing that amazing drive being poured only into that stupid game of his, mom’s heart was aching a lot right now.

Hell, if he was trying to become a pro gamer, then maybe she’d get behind him! Maybe, even cheer him on!

Unfortunately, the boy lacked talent to become one....

And what made her think like this?

“Argh! Why can’t I do that?!”

“Hey! I did click just now, so what gives?! Why isn’t it working!! Whyyyyy!”

“You stupid son of a b*tch!! Imma find out where you live!!” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

....

....There was no freaking way a man shouting out those words during gaming would be good at that said game. No way in hell.

Park Seon-Duk grandly groaned, and walked closer to Yi Ji-Hyuk.

“My son?” (mom)

“Arghhhh! Die, you as*holes!!” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

“Soooooon.” (mom)

“Mom? Hold up a sec. Imma....” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

“SON.” (mom)

“Y, yes!!” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

Quickly sensing the ominous shift in her mood, Yi Ji-Hyuk threw away the headset, stood up straight and paid full attention to his mom.

“How long did you say your holiday was?” (mom)

“Fifteen days, ma’am.” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

“You went for work two days, and get a fifteen day break....” (mom)

Such ‘workplace benefits’ was so good, it was almost on the level of a NEET, even.

What kind of insane organisation would give you fifteen days off for two days of work?

She didn’t even have be present to picture the shenanigans that probably happened there in full technicolor glory.

“Okay, so. How long has it been since you’ve been home?” (mom)

“Uhm, I guess, a week now?” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

“That’s right. A week. My son?” (mom)

The family was supposed to enjoy this brand new house with its spacious rooms and very modern features to its fullest, yet here he was, playing a game for seven days straight!!

Seven days!!!

“You’ve been playing that game for a week nonstop! Haven’t you developed an athlete’s foot on your butt or something by now?!” (mom)

“No, mom. The chair’s cushion is just the softest and fluffiest thing there is, so I’m feeling perfectly fine.” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

....Should I have bought him a chair with crappy cushions, instead?

No, I should’ve just placed a cushion of nails, instead! (mom’s inner monologue)

Park Seon-Duk silently accepted her guilt in this ongoing saga. Indeed, she should’ve considered the deployment of such tactics well in advance, if she wanted to see her son get up and do something!!

“My son. You said you’ve adopted a dog, didn’t you?” (mom)

“Right, Oh-Sik.” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

“That dog, where is it?” (mom)

“I’ve fastened him in front of the HQ.” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

“....It’s been a week, so what about its food?” (mom)

“Oh?” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

Yi Ji-Hyuk tilted his head slightly.

Now that he looked back, he hadn’t really given much thought about that little matter.

Oh well. It was par for the course, really – even though he commanded an army of ten thousand demons and monsters, not once did he worry about their daily necessities, after all.

“Go and feed it.” (mom)

“You mean, me?” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

“Of course it’s you!! Who else is here?” (mom)

“I’m sure the folks there would’ve taken good care of him.” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

“Didn’t you say it’s your dog?” (mom)

“Sure, it is, but....” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

Yi Ji-Hyuk leaned back on the chair and began complaining.

“....It’s too much work and I can’t be ar*ed to go, mom.” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

When mom raised her hand, all poised to strike and everything, Yi Ji-Hyuk quickly raised his own arms to defend himself.

“What the?! What now? Why!!” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

“Go and feed your dog, this instant! And while doing that, get some exercise by taking a stroll, too!! You’re at your peak youth, yet what the hell are you doing, hiding away in a corner of your room all day?!” (mom)

“I might get lost, you know! Mom, the streets are too complicated around here!!” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

“Then, why don’t you use the GPS app on your phone?!” (mom)

“What’s that?” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

Park Seon-Duk spat out another lengthy groan.

Why was this young son of hers behaving like a tired old geezer?

No, hang on a minute. He was just acting like an old geezer but the thing was, his personality seemed to be consisting solely of only the worst qualities from a spoilt child and a tired old man.

Why not just jump in the lake already, why don’t you?! (mom’s inner monologue)

Park Seon-Duk reinstalled a new GPS app on Yi Ji-Hyuk’s phone, and then, saved the location of his workplace as well as the new house so he could easily access them on the go.

“You just have to follow this line here, got that?” (mom)

“But, mom! Do I have to really go?!” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

“Get used to this route, so you won’t be late for work ever again! I heard that you were late by over two hours on your first day! Do you have any idea how ashamed and embarrassed I was hearing that? All that makes your mother a target for finger-pointing!!”

“Just who would do that to my mom?! Who dares!” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

“It’s because of you, you fool!! It’s your fault!” (mom)

When his back was lit on fire once more by mom’s powerful attack, Yi Ji-Hyuk fell out of his chair and began rolling on the floor.

“Okay, okay!! I’m going!” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

“Be careful on your way. Also, take this with you, and give to your colleagues at the office.” (mom)

“What’s this?” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

“I packed a handful of fruit and other things. So they’ll have something to snack on while they work.” (mom)

“Mom, why did you even bother to do something like this for those guys?” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

“They are the only people in this world that think you have some value. I’m thankful for that, at the very least.” (mom)

Uh? That sounds kinda correct, doesn’t it?

Hearing her mention that, I do feel a bit weird right now, too. Yeah, what a weird feeling this is. (Yi Ji-Hyuk’s inner monologue)

“Hurry up and get going already.” (mom)

“....Sure thing.” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

Yi Ji-Hyuk took his sweet time putting on a decent set of clothing, and took even longer to leave the house.

“Okay, I’m going now.” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

“Mm.”

As soon as her son left through the front door, Park Seon-Duk straightened her back and took a look at her new place.

She really liked the fact that the new house was much bigger and better than the previous place. And after the only eyesore to be found in this new home had been removed, she felt that a thorough clean up was now in order and so, she went and fetched the vacuum cleaner.

*

“Groan....”

Yi Ji-Hyuk came out of the entrance, and turned around to take a look at the new house.

And he could see a modern building, the one prepared by Choi Jung-Hoon for Yi Ji-Hyuk’s family. He couldn’t tell whether this place was better than the old apartment or not, but since mom seemed to be delighted with it, it was all good for him as well.

He was even thinking of demolishing the house and then building himself a new one if she didn’t like it, but well, she liked it, so that was that.

Walking out of the foyer, he lazily stretched his body before completely freezing up in place.

No, wait a minute....

There is just no way.... Right?

There is no way she’s here waiting for me! (Yi Ji-Hyuk’s inner monologue)

Yi Ji-Hyuk’s head creaked as he robotically turned around to look again.

....And, then, he spotted a certain blonde head bobbing up and down ever so slightly just beyond the brick wall surrounding the house.

“You, youuuu!!” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

When Yi Ji-Hyuk began crying out while his entire body began trembling, the blonde hiding behind the brick wall slowly revealed herself.

“H, how did you even enter this area?!” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

This area was off-limits to civilians, after all!

The corners of Kim Dah-Som’s lips rose up in a mysterious smile.

‘Scary.’

Now that.... was super scary.

Yi Ji-Hyuk began trembling like a leaf, his previously-domineering attitude that he had cultivated so carefully for the past thousand years nowhere to be seen.

Just what is she?!

Is she the fairy of the doorway?! Or maybe even a ghost haunting my front yard? (Yi Ji-Hyuk’s inner monologue)

“You, how did you find this place?!” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

Choi Jung-Hoon definitely said that this area could not be accessed, unless you were either an ability user registered with the KSF, or a family member of one!

“Please, here....” (Kim Dah-Som)

Kim Dah-Som eased something out of her bag and carefully pushed it towards him.

“Eh?” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

What’s this?

Yi Ji-Hyuk tilted his head slightly as he received her thing.

“It’s cookies, and....” (Kim Dah-Som)

She pulled something else out from the bag.

“This is chocolate, and...” (Kim Dah-Som)

And then, she pulled out something else, again.

Just how many things did she manage to pack inside that small bag of hers?!

No, besides all that....

What the hell?! Is she trying to fatten me up like a lamb for slaughter or something?!

Why is she trying to feed me all this stuff? (Yi Ji-Hyuk’s inner monologue)

“Uh, sure. Thanks. Wait here for a sec..” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

Yi Ji-Hyuk awkwardly received the gifts and then, briefly returned home in order to deposit them there. Then, came back outside.

And when he spotted Kim Dah-Som still waiting for him patiently and without making a single fuss, he couldn’t help but feel kinda.... weird. Again.

Sure, she was super scary, but the thing was, he had never been the recipient of such one-sided favours during the past thousand years or so, which also meant he found the whole thing quite difficult to get used to it.

“Well, then....” (Kim Dah-Som)

Just as Kim Dah-Som began walking away in airy steps, Yi Ji-Hyuk called out to her.

“Oh, hey. Wait. You familiar with this area?” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

“Pardon?” (Kim Dah-Som)

“Like, you know, where the nearest convenience stores are....” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

“Yes, I know.” (Kim Dah-Som)

“Oh, that’s good. Then, I wanna ask you about something....” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

“Please.”

Kim Dah-Som quietly waited for his next words.

“Hmm... You know where is the nearest pet shop around here?” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

“Eh?”

*

“Euh-cha!”

With a huge bag of dog food slung over his shoulder, Yi Ji-Hyuk trudged towards the NDF HQ building.

After moving house, the distance between the new home and the workplace had been shortened to only 5 minutes, so the burden on him had pretty much disappeared, but....

“It’s not that great living so close to your work....” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

The proof? Here he was, supposedly on a holiday yet the fate conspired to force him back to work, just like this.

He spotted the NDF building from afar. And when he had gotten closer, he spotted Oh-Sik lazing around near the front entrance, just as where Yi Ji-Hyuk had tied the mini Ogre down a week ago.

“Hey, Oh-Sik-ah.” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

Oh-Sik was lying flat on the ground, but as soon as he heard Yi Ji-Hyuk’s voice, he raised his head abruptly, then shot right back up to its feet, assuming a stance of performing the military salute.

“At ease.” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

Only then, Oh-Sik’s shoulders slumped back down. His eyes were utterly powerless as he glared at Yi Ji-Hyuk.

Seriously now, not only did he drain almost every drop of Mana out and thus leaving the poor Ogre completely energyless, this man even forgot to feed him for one week straight!

Keureuk!

“You’re supposed to bark, you know. You’re nominally a dog now.” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

Keureuk!!

“Actually, I don’t care either way, but if the truth of you being an Ogre got out, then the total number of people wanting to dissect you alive will be... Oh, I dunno. Enough to fill up ten dump trucks, maybe?” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

W, woof....

“There you go.” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

Yi Ji-Hyuk lightly nodded his head, and put the bag of dog food down.

“I’m sure you’re hungry, so dig in.” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

Oh-Sik stared at the Yi Ji-Hyuk’s bag, and tilted his head in confusion.

What could this bag be? The Ogre had never seen anything like it before....

Yi Ji-Hyuk opened the bag – and as soon as the rich fragrance swept out, Oh-Sik hurriedly shoved his head in the opening, tasted one, and then, a huge joyful smile broke out as he began hoovering up the dog food down his mouth.

“There, there. Good boy. Eat to your fill.” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

Did it really matter whether it was an Ogre or a dog?

There was absolutely no difference to him whatsoever. Either would more or less understand what he was trying to say, so that was the end of that.

Yi Ji-Hyuk whistled out a tune as he stepped into the office. Annnd, as soon as he pushed the door open to enter, Choi Jung-Hoon rushed out to nearly tackle him.

“Mister Yi Ji-Hyuk!!!!!” (Choi Jung-Hoon)

“Hul. Don’t you think your greeting is too excessive?!” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

“Please, do something about that Ogre!!” (Choi Jung-Hoon)

“Eh? Why? What happened?” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

“It’s been trying to rip every single passerby into shreds!!” (Choi Jung-Hoon)

With a scary thing like that occupying the front door, just which brave soul would try to use that entrance?! But, one could only use the side windows to enter the building for a day or two! Enough was enough!

“No, well. It’s acting like that ‘cuz it was starving. But it should be fine now.” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

“You gave him something to eat?” (Choi Jung-Hoon)

“Yep.” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

“....You didn’t hand over a living person, right?” (Choi Jung-Hoon)

“I accept that I’m a bit off kilter, but you really think I’d be crazy enough to do that? I gave him pet food.” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

Pet food?

This guy, did he really feed an Ogre with pet food?

An Ogre eating pet food – just what kind of bullcrap is this? This is already beyond the level of international headlines, and into the realm of inter-dimensional scoop of the century!! (Choi Jung-Hoon’s inner monologue)

“Also, if he was acting up like that, why didn’t you bring him inside and put him up in a corner or something?” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

“What the?! You think there are other people capable of approaching that thing beside yourself?!” (Choi Jung-Hoon)

“But, he’s so adorable, though....” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

Oh, of course. Yes, it’s cute. Too bloody cute!!

But! Even a polar bear can be cute, too! Hell, it can even slurp down a can of Coke! The problem is, it can also tear out your throat in less than three seconds!!

But that thing outside is even more dangerous than a polar bear, isn’t it?!?! (Choi Jung-Hoon’s inner monologue)

“Then, why didn’t you secure the leash better? What were you thinking, leaving an Ogre with such a loose leash?!” (Choi Jung-Hoon)

“Don’t worry, the leash won’t come undone.” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

“Did you do something to it?” (Choi Jung-Hoon)

“Nope.” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

Yi Ji-Hyuk shrugged his shoulders.

“If he doesn’t want to die, then he’ll never undo the leash.” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

....That was an even worse prospect, that.

What the hell was up with this guy?

“In any case, please do something about him!” (Choi Jung-Hoon)

“Okay, fine. I’ll just move him to that enclosed open space behind the building.” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

“And besides, since you fed it pet food, obviously that’s gonna come out, too! Who’s going to clean that up now?” (Choi Jung-Hoon)

“Oh, that’s no biggie. He’s going to take care of that by himself.” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

“....Huh?” (Choi Jung-Hoon)

“If I lengthen the leash a bit more, I’m sure he’s going to find the toilet and use that.” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

By now, a certain sense of identity crisis had settled in Choi Jung-Hoon’s head. That creature, that thing with red and black fur, what on the bleeding Earth was that thing?!

If Choi Jung-Hoon were to submit this instance of an Ogre using the loo to the scientific world, just what kind of things would he get to hear?

*SFX for a person’s screaming*

It was then, they heard someone’s scream coming from the outside.

All colour drained out from Choi Jung-Hoon’s complexion as he dashed outside.

That bloody Ogre finally went and did something!

When he got to the front of the building, he spotted the mini Ogre busy munching on the pet food, as well as a blonde man on his butt, his pant legs all torn up.

“Are you alright?” (Choi Jung-Hoon)

“W, what the hell is that thing?! I said, what is that!!” (?)

Choi Jung-Hoon grandly sighed out.

He knew something like this would happen sooner or later. But, why did it have to be now?!

“What kind of a dog... No, wait. That can’t be a dog! How can a dog reflect my ability as if it was nothing?! While it’s eating dog food, no less!” (?)

Yup, I understand how you feel.

I would have reacted the same as you. (Choi Jung-Hoon’s inner monologue)

“Just who brought such a dangerous animal here? Who was it?!” (?)

Choi Jung-Hoon’s gaze slowly shifted behind him.

The target of his stare, Yi Ji-Hyuk, was letting out a disinterested yawn.

“It was me.” (Yi Ji-Hyuk)

Seeing Yi Ji-Hyuk’s facial expression that contained a mixture of slight annoyance and boredom, the blonde man’s own expression hardened in an instant.

“Hey, you!! What the hell do you think you’re doing?!” (?)

< 63. Eii, it’s not gonna bite, you know? -3 > Fin.

(TL: A sponsored chapter will be released five minutes after this chapter goes live. Look forward to it.)