Vaudevillain

Dr. Zlo's Christmas Caper! - 6

Riptide landed outside the city behind a copse of trees. Cass waited with Dextra nearby, the Santa Tracker 9000 in his hands. The Zlomobile waited nearby, a gaggle of Jacques lazing near it. One of them hid a wrapped gift behind its back when Dr. Zlo landed.

"Well, that could have gone better," Dextra sighed.

"A minor setback for the great Dr. Zlo," the villain replied. "We still have the Santa Finder 9000! Locating this new Santa Claus will be easy as pie."

"Just make sure you don't capture Santa again, dude," Riptide said. "Or else you'll need to chase him again."

"I'm well aware, Riptide," Dr. Zlo answered. "Now, which direction, Cass?"

The butler spun the Santa Finder around until the lights once again flashed green and red. "This way, boss."

"Perfect! Let us be off!"

"I shall tag along as well," Dextra said. "I refuse to let such a cheerful figure best me."

"By all means!" Dr. Zlo said. "I'm sure we could use your particular brand of villainy.

Everyone piled into the Zlomobile and drove off. They continued to drive for some time, correcting course whenever the Santa Finder stopped shining. Eventually they reached a building looming over the horizon.

The building revealed itself to be a brightly colored castle as they moved closer, a fortress of candy canes and other confections. Surrounding it was a deep moat filled with a fizzing red liquid. Wide, sweeping parapets of gumdrop sat atop the candy cane swirl towers behind the moat. Gingerbread and icing walls protected the main keep, a sugary building made of cookie.

"Dude, I think Sweet Dream got Santa Claused," Riptide said.

Dr. Zlo waved him off. "Nonsense. Sweet Dream enjoys the darker things in life, like chocolates, or licorice. None of this brightly colored sweetness. No, this must be the work of someone else."

"We should pull over and assess the situation," Dextra said. "I believe I see more elves guarding the walls."

The villain pointed. Sure enough, rows of red and green camouflaged elves walked in perfect lines. Dr. Zlo noticed more candy cane guns in their hands.

"Strange that this Santa Claus is so willing to equip his minions with such weapons," Dr. Zlo said. "Seems a bit violent for a jolly man."

"Maybe this is him being nice," Cass said.

"No matter," Dr. Zlo said. "Cass, activate stealth mode. We don't want these heroic helpers to spot us before our assault."

Cass nodded, pressing a button on the Zlomobile. The outside of the car shimmered, then vanished from sight completely. A few of the elves stopped to look in their direction, but were unable to find anything out of the ordinary.

"Now," Dr. Zlo whispered. "Get us as close to the walls as you can."

"Dude, you don't have to whisper," Riptide stated.

"It's for dramatic effect," Dr. Zlo explained.

Cass dutifully drove the Zlomobile forward at a crawl. The Zlomobile might be invisible, but the tracks it made weren't, and any keen-eyed watched would see a dust cloud if the car moved too quickly.

About halfway to the castle, Cass stopped the car.

"Keep going," Dr. Zlo urged.

"But boss," Cass said. "Look."

The butler pointed in front of him revealing a dotted landscape of red and green presents.

"Landmines," Dextra said. "This new Santa has a mean streak."

"Dude!" Riptide laughed. "He's giving us landmines as presents!"

"Yes, I see that Riptide," Dr. Zlo growled. "The question is, how are we going to get rid of them without notice?"

"Who says we gotta?" Riptide answered. "Just have someone go out and trip them all."

"Are you volunteering?" Dextra asked.

"Totally!" Riptide said. "I'm not going to pass up the chance to surf a good explosion."

Before anyone could say anything else, Riptide jumped out of the car, using his power to surf over the legs of anyone in the way.

"See ya in a bit!" he laughed.

The villain jumped on his surfboard, swerving it over toward the landmines with a face of glee. Luckily for Riptide, the landmines were proximity triggers and not pressure triggers. The first one activated as the villain surfed over it, bursting in a violent spray of confetti and glitter.

Riptide, giddy at the sight of the strange weapons, used his power to ride the blast of glitter to the sky. The elves on the wall pointed, unleashing sugary death upon their foes. Riptide surfed that as well, laughing all the way as he swooped and swerved.

"It seems someone got their Christmas wish," Dr. Zlo commented at the scene before him. "Once our path is clear press forward."

"Understood, boss," Cass said.

They left Riptide behind, the man's bubbly laughter and surfer lingo echoing in their ears.

The next stop the Zlomobile made was in front of the moat with the fizzing red liquid.

"Boss," Cass said. "I believe the moat is using punch."

"Blast it!" Dr. Zlo cursed. "The only thing that will ruin the Zlomobile's paint job! We must find another way across."

"Couldn't you repaint the car afterward?" Dextra asked.

Dr. Zlo looked appalled. "And enter the castle in a shabby-looking car? Better to call off the whole operation then."

"Ah, my mistake then," Dextra said with a roll of their eyes.

"As long as you understand," Dr. Zlo replied. "Now, we need a way inside that castle."

"I could probably use my arm to make a bridge, boss," Cass said.

"And how will we get through the wall?" Dextra asked.

"Now that is simple," Dr. Zlo said. "The Zlomobile is equipped with every manner of weapon for any eventuality. The drilling function I installed for these occasions is exactly what we need. Truly, my geniustic foresight has no limits."

"Geniustic isn't a word," Dextra answered.

"It is if I say it is!" Dr. Zlo announced. "Now! Cass, prepare to make that bridge!"

Cass nodded, stepping out of the car and walking over to the moat. The minion's arm shifted, the nanomachines inside expanding into a silvery bridge just wide enough for the Zlomobile to drive over. Dr. Zlo stepped on the gas and pressed another button on the console. A spiraling drill popped out from under the hood.

"And off we go!" Dr. Zlo said.

The Zlomobile drove forward, the drill biting into the gingerbread walls. Pieces of cookie fell away as the car opened a hole in the side of the castle. The elves on top of the wall took notice of this, and instantly shifted their fire toward the drill.

Dr. Zlo scoffed. "As if their mundane munitions can harm my invention."

Pieces of candy clattered on the windshield as the elves attempted to stop the car to no avail. Eventually the wall fell away, revealing a jingling little village of Christmas cheer. Elves blissfully worked nearby, creating toys for the good boys and girls.

Dr. Zlo pressed the invisibility button again, revealing the car as he activated the speakers. "Good evening! I am Dr. Zlo! The greatest criminal mastermind known to man! I am here to ask for your help in a matter of utmost importance. Well, I say help but I mostly mean demand."

The elves making the toys screamed and ran.

"Now that's just rude," Dr. Zlo said.