Canon Fodder

CHAPTER 226 ESCORT

“I’m just a research assistant, man,” the guy whined as I stood in front of him. He was on his knees with his hands tied behind his back. I had thrown the other guys off the boat and set fire to the submarine they used to sneak up on the Sunny. We were now drifting away from it as I decided what to do. 

“Well you picked the wrong boat to hijack. Or did you not suspect that stealing from pirates was maybe a bad idea?” I asked. He flinched as I stared at him. “Who does that anyway? You know my bounty is 350,000,000 alone, right?”

“What?!” He asked, his eyes bulging more somehow. 

I nodded. “What am I not famous enough for you?”

“I’ve been here 2 years on contract work. The guy that leads the place is super strict. My contract was supposed to be up in a few months,” he whined. 

“Tell me about this guy,” I ordered. 

“Well there are a lot of weird guys here too,” he said. “They all call the head scientist, the Master. His real name is Caesar.” 

“Right, fart guy?” I asked. He looked at me confused. “He can turn into gas, right?” 

“Yeah, that’s him. He ate the Gas Devil Fruit.” 

“That’s what I said, Fart,” I reminded. “And why exactly are you doing tests on kids?” 

“Kids?” He asked. “I didn’t say anything about kids.”

“Oh you’re right, you were just thinking it,” I said. “Something about giant kids. Talk about them…unless you want to go back in the room.” I lifted my necklace. His eyes bulged and he shook his head quickly. 

“Caesar is working on a lot of different things. I’m not involved with the kid stuff. I mainly help keep the place clean,” he admitted. 

“Cut the shit. You said you were a research assistant. Spill your beans, or your guts get spilled. You pick,” I said.

He audibly gulped. “Uh um Gigantification. He is working on a drug to make giants. He’s hoping to sell it to the highest bidder.”

“And he tests it on kids? Where does he get them?” I remembered the kids from the manga, but not much else about the arc on the fire island. 

“Kidnapped them. Told them they caught an illness, and kept them locked away. Addicted to medicine,” the guy spat out. 

“Fucking sicko,” I said. 

“Right?” 

“You fucking work with him,” I said. “You’re just as bad. Don’t think you get out of this smelling like roses. Or what? You signed the contract but didn’t read the fine print about hurting kids?” 

“I-” He shut up. 

“Keep going, what else is he working on?”

“There’s the SMILE,” he said. “Casear is trying to make artificial devil fruits.”

“Right,” I remembered. “And they’re going to Kaidou, aren’t they?”

“What?! I don’t know that,” the scared guy said.

“What else?” 

“Nothing that I know of,” he said. 

“What about this island? Why’s it always burning? Caesar do that?” 

“No, 4 years ago this was a research facility for Vegapunk. He was doing human experimentation. The island was called Punk Hazard then,” the guy said. “Then 3 of Vegapunk’s labs exploded. A poisonous gas escaped, and Vegapunk left. Caesar stayed here. The labs underground on the other side of the island. The frozen part.” He took a long sigh, thinking how to explain. “I don’t know why, but 2 Marine admirals had a fight here 2 years ago. One could use lava, the other ice.”

“Oh duh,” I said, remembering it then. “Akainu and Sakazuki. They fought over Sengoku’s position after he had to retire in shame when I embarrassed the shit out of him.” 

“What?!” 

I ignored him. Slowly remembering the incident. I didn’t remember reading it in the paper, but I remembered it from the manga. This island was deserted, or they thought it was. They fought here, permanently making one side burn all the time and the other frozen. I wondered how strong you had to be to hurt an island permanently. 

I couldn’t help but wonder what the hell I could do with my Devil Fruit. I knew that Whitebeard could supposedly destroy islands with it. But I couldn’t risk that. I needed to go somewhere else to practice the quirk. Perhaps DBZ or One Punch Man with their impossibly vast fighting areas…or Berserk. Destroy a few armies and build up a lot of gold. Or Attack on Titan. Titans sounded like perfect targets to try out my skill. I guessed I had a lot of options, but first…

One Piece Quest 11:

Look into the mysteries of Punk Hazard

Rewards:

Tremor Devil Fruit

“There it is,” I said with a smile as I looked forward to testing out my new power to it’s fullest. 

“What?” The guy asked, nervously. 

“Nothing, you put my friends to sleep. Time to wake them up. I’m sure you have a few antidotes in case you inhaled that knockout gas,” I said. 

—

“So why are we heading to the icy part of the island?” Nami asked as she directed the ship around the island.

“The guy is testing on little kids. We gotta put a stop to him.” 

“I understand that, but why aren’t we waiting for Luffy and the others?” 

“Do you really think that Luffy is on an island, and not already in the middle of this crap?” I asked. 

Nami let out a sigh. “You’re right,” she said. “What about this guy?” 

“He is our tour guide,” I said, nudging the assistant. “Where is your secret entrance? Don’t try to take me to a guarded one either or I’ll know.” The guy had the nerve to hesitate. I nudged him again. 

“There’s a rock, near the start of the cold zone, looks like that guy’s hair,” he said pointing at Franky. The big android had a mohawk. We started looking out for the rock. 

“What were you going to do with us after you knocked us out?” Nami asked.

“We were just supposed to take you down below. Caesar would decide from there. Most likely offer you a spot with us.”

“Why the hell would he do that?” Sanji asked angrily. 

“There are a lot of pirates that work here. Couldn’t survive in the New World. Were hurt too much. They found refuge here,” he tried to justify. I doubted that. I didn’t remember every detail of this arc, but I knew Caesar wasn’t to be trusted. 

“Just shut up, where is this rock?” I growled as I picked him up. 

“There. That one,” he said pointing with his nose. As we got closer it was odd. The rock looked like a pillar almost. Definitely not a natural stone. 

“How the hell are we supposed to open it?” 

“There is a rock with a button behind it. We had the submarine parked just next to it before you…”

“Helped it on its way to Fishman Island, yep,” I said. “Everyone going? Or does somebody want to stay?” 

“I’ll stay,” Franky said. “I’m still upgrading some stuff on the ship.”

“I’ll stay as well,” Brook said. “Do not worry. If you are captured and killed. I will mourn you.”

“Dammit Brook, you’re supposed to save us,” I said. 

“Right, that’s what I meant. But if you die, I will cry over your graves.”

“Thanks buddy,” I said. “If I die. Make sure to write an epic ballad in my name. I already got a title for it. It’s called Bad to the Bone.”

“Bad to the Bone? That should be my song,” he said. 

“You already died, don’t you have a ballad already?”

“I do not,” he said thinking. “I’ve missed a golden opportunity.”

“You have. Fine you can have that mine can be…Bohemian Rhapsody.”

“What’s a Bohemian?”

“A wanderer,” I said. “A man that goes from place to place.”

“Like a hobo?”

“No.”

“Or a gypsy.”

“Ah yes, Gypsy Rhapsody has a much better ring to it,” Brook said. 

“Brook, you change my ballad's name, I’ll kill you again,” I warned. 

“You can’t kill what has no life.”

“Thanks there Nosferatu WOW player,” I said. 

“Cut the bullshit, he’s running,” Nami said. The researcher made a run for the railing. I extended my hand, pulling the heat from the water as he jumped down. He smacked into the ice hard and I lifted the ice up to us. Tilting it to drop him back on the deck. 

Breaking off an icicle I stabbed it into his arm. “This is a warning, you try again, it stabs through the rest of the way and becomes your new arm, got it?”

He grit his teeth but nodded. “Okay, Franky you got another tiny ship we can take or should I make a bridge?”

“I was hoping to work on the other mini-ships,” he admitted. 

“Fine, fine,” I said, lifting water up to the deck. Freezing it I slid down and froze the water in front of us in a large bridge. Chopper, Sanji, and Nami made their way down as I made the research assistant float by holding the water in his body. 

“What the hell are you?” He groaned.

“We are the Straw Hats. Be lucky I’m not that guy, he’s the cook. He could probably cut you up just enough to allow you to watch while we eat you alive,” I said. 

“I bet I could, but long pork is not my style,” Sanji said. The researcher stiffened, officially freaked out. 

“Chopper here is our mad doctor. He was originally human but turned himself into what he is now with one of his mad experiments,” I stage whispered. 

“I was a reindeer!” He yelled. 

“See, he’s convinced he was always this way,” I said. “And Nami…well you really don’t want to piss her off. Our captain is worth 400,000,000 berries. But she beats him up on the regular. I saw him more beat up by her than from after he fought a CP9 member.”

The researcher’s Haki leaked more fear with each tale. Nami cracked her knuckles and walked past him. I heard the guy audibly sigh as we moved to the ice covered base of where the pillar rock sat. 

Once there the researcher pointed to a small rock on the side of the monolith. I moved it to reveal a lever. Flipping it the rock slid to the side. A wave of heat escaped as a staircase was revealed. 

“What should we expect down there?”

“Stairs. Turn right at the first corridor. Takes you to the main lab area. But you have to use the elevator. It’s deep underground since there are still poisonous gasses on the surface here.”

“That poisonous gas thing sounds like bullshit,” I said but started moving inside. Once the others were in I flipped a similar level and the rock moved back into place. “You lead, dispensable intern.”

“I’m not an intern,” he grumbled but walked in front. Inside was a long corridor made of concrete. Lights strewn up over top of us every few feet there was plenty of light to see ahead. At a T-intersection he turned right and we continued on. 

“What’s the plan?” Nami asked. 

“Find the kids? Free them? I’m sure Luffy and the others are already captured in here somehow. So free them while we are at it.” I knew they were heading closer to us with my Search quirk, but I was sure they’d get captured soon enough. 

“It worries me how right you probably are,” Nami whispered. Our voice and footfalls echoing down the hall, it was the only noise we could hear. 

“Probably fight this Fart guy. Leave the researcher here for dead too, at some point.”

“Hey, you said you wouldn’t kill me,” he said, fear back in his voice. 

“You’re right. I’m an honest pirate,” I said. “But I have no qualms about using you for a human shield.”

“But-“

“But what? You tried to kidnap my crew mates. You’re lucky you're walking,” I said. He shut up as we kept on. 

“Weston’s so mean,” Chopper giggled. 

“These guys are testing on kids, Chopper. Don’t forget that. Next you’ll tell me they tested on puppies,” I said. The guy stiffened. I knew the truth. “See, they have no standards.” 

We slowed down coming to an elevator door. The researcher pushed a button and we were soon inside. The elevator was slow but I was preparing for what was to come. I guessed a big fight but wasn’t too sure. 

That was until smoke began to billow out of the door of the elevator. At least I thought it was smoke. It began to coalesce into a pale man with long black hair. He looked like a terrible copy of Orochimaru. 

“Caesar,” the researcher said as if Jesus had showed up. 

“Oh, it’s Fart,” I said, wrapping my hand in Armament Haki I grabbed at the man but the gas his body was made of expertly dodged me. Then he turned back into a gas, filling the room. Nami and the others dropped immediately. I held my breath. 

At least until the gas had a mind of its own and forced itself into my nose and mouth at the same time. Pushing through into my lungs I passed out after a solid 10 seconds. I hadn’t seen that coming. The guy was more skilled than I thought.