Canon Fodder

CHAPTER 231 CHILD’S PLAY

I came from down the hall to see a samurai and small boy sitting at the kitchen table. “Hey…Kinemon, right?” I asked, confused. 

“Oh yes, Weston,” the man said with a slight head bow. 

“I thought you were still on the island?” 

“No, Captain Luffy invited us on the ship. To help us make our way home,” Kinemon said. 

“I assume this is the son you were looking for?” I asked. 

“Yes, this is Momonosuke,” he said, pointing to the shy boy. He wore simple clothes, but had the top of his head shaved. 

“Funny, you don’t look like father and son,” I chuckled. Both stiffened, but I hid a smile. I knew that they weren’t really related, and didn’t plan to say anything. I could tease at least. “I have a small girl and boy. But they are only 1 and a half, how old are you Momonosuke?”

“I am 8,” he whispered shyly. 

“8 years old, and you’re already so far from home,” I said. I wanted to tease him more but remembered that both his parents had died recently to him. All he had left in the world was his sister, and bodyguard Kinemon. “Let me know if you need anything, alright?” 

“I heard someone say you were a ninja,” Momonosuke said. I nodded. “You are not a ninja.”

“Momonosuke…” his father hissed. 

“Oh no, it’s true,” I said. “But my ninja sect isn’t from Wano.”

“So you don’t claim to be from Wano?” Momonosuke asked, confused. 

“I do not,” I said. “Your ninjas are more…traditional. But I assure you, I have all the skills of your ninjas. Just better.”

“How so?” Kinemon asked, intrigued now. 

“I am a master of disguise,” I said. Changing my face to Kinemon’s with a simple hand seal. “Momonosuke, don’t sit with your mouth open!” I barked in the man’s voice. “I can disappear.” I released the transformation. Smoke billowed out of my body and I draped myself in chakra and moved around them. Tapping them on their shoulders. “Do you think I’m not a ninja, now?” 

Momonosuke shook his head slowly, his mouth still wide open. “Good. Who’s hungry?” I looked through the kitchen and found some simple nuts and fruits. Sanji’s cooking sense kicked in though and he was ushering me out. 

Others began to wake up and the dining room became louder as people barked food requests. Sanji had it whipped up in no time and we were arguing around the table. 

“Weston, please tell me there is a guest bedroom,” Trafalgar said. 

“What’s the matter-wait no, let me guess. You woke up to the heater Chopper attached to your leg. Luffy’s foot was in your mouth. And Usopp tried to use your ding dong like his sling shot.”

“That was oddly specific and not that far off,” the man said. 

“Yeah no, that’s why I asked Franky to make me my own room,” I said. 

“They don’t bother me at night,” Franky said. 

“That’s because when you turn over I get crushed,” Luffy said. “Zoro cuts people in his sleep, and Sanji has way too many dreams about women to feel comfortable.”

“See I never learned a defense mechanism,” I said. “Ask Chopper if you can sleep in his med bay.”

“That bed is for patients,” Chopper said. 

“We aren’t beat up for once,” I retorted. 

“Oh fine,” Chopper said. “But the minute Luffy almost drowns again I’ll need the bed.”

“Can I sleep with you girls?” The less than innocent Momonosuke asked. 

“Sorry, our rooms closed at dark,” Nami said. “Sanji ruined it for everyone.” They were of course in my bed, but the others didn’t need to know that. 

“The ship was new, I was looking for the bathroom,” Sanji said, not fooling anyone. “I thought you wanted a midnight snack.”

“The funny thing was, I actually did,” Nami said. “But too bad.” Momonosuke frowned. I could see his little mind trying to work a way to get in their good graces. I felt bad for the kid, not bad enough for him to paw my girlfriends though. 

“Think Doflamingo will do what you told him?” I asked. 

“He better,” Trafalgar said. “If not I have a few follow up options.”

“Hey, where is our leverage anyway?” Nami asked as she looked around. I got up and moved over to the small trap door in the kitchen. Opening it I revealed the live well. 

“You have a good swim?” I asked. 

“You fucker!” He spat as he coughed up water. “This stool you have me on almost tipped over 4 times last night!”

“You tested drugs on children, now shut up or I cut one of its legs off,” I said, shutting the door. I moved back to sit down at the table. “What?”

“You know we have a brig, right?” Franky said. 

“I know, just thought he’d like a swim,” I said, munching my breakfast sandwich. “He wasn’t very apologetic about testing on kids. He can marinate for a little longer.” The others shrugged and the meal continued. I threw Caesar in the brig then put him in a Genjutsu to help him enjoy his stay. 

“Luffy, why the hell is it alright for Kinemon to bring his kids on an adventure? But I can’t?” I asked. 

“Babies freak me out,” he admitted. “They can’t even eat real food.”

“Yeah, that would freak you out. People not stuffing themselves is a good standard for living on a pirate ship,” I lied, they at least had to be able to use chakra before I’d let them go on an adventure. I couldn’t help picturing dropping them off on an abandoned island to let them figure out their powers. The Garp way. 

“How dare you have one of Wano’s treasures!” Kinemon yelled at Zoro as he tried to stab him. 

“For the last time, I didn’t steal it,” Zoro said, easily dodging him. Kinemon was talking about the sword he had taken from a zombie in Thriller Bark. 

I left them to it. They’d figure it out eventually. Sitting at my spot I was surprised that Brook was at the helm. 

“What are you doing driving?”

“I am under strict orders from Nami to keep us on course for Dressrosa, and to not let you touch this thing,” he said as he maneuvered the helm. 

“Where did she go?” I asked. 

“She didn’t say,” Brook admitted. 

“That means she’s taking a shower,” I laughed as I jumped down to the mid deck. 

“No, Weston I lied, you can have the helm!” Brook yelled. I laughed and headed in to find a very small towel try to keep Nami’s ample curves in. Mounted between her cleavage was Momonosuke. 

“Hey Weston,” Nami said with a wide smile. 

“Hello beautiful,” I said. Ready for the kid to go away so I could try to get some action. 

“Momonosuke! What are you doing?!” Kinemon yelled as he barged in. 

“I was taking a bath,” he said in a weak voice. 

“Yes, he was rather dirty,” Robin said while coming out from the back as well. There was something exquisite about a pure white towel against her tan skin. 

“With my beautiful Nami and Robin?!” Sanji yelled. 

“How dare you?!” Brook yelped, inside now too. 

“He’s just a baby,” Nami said, pulling the boy closer to her cleavage. Momonosuke smiled widely at us as she did. Not a ‘I’m in heaven smile’ but a ‘I’m somewhere none of you will ever get to be’ smile. 

It irked me in the wrong way. “That’s it,” I said. “Gotta nip it in the bud. Momonosuke, look a toy.” The small boy looked up into my Chikyugi Necklace and was strapped against the wall. 

“What’s going on?!” He yelled as he stared at me wide eyed. 

“I was willing to let you pretend that you’re special and get to bathe with Nami and Robin,” I said. “But that smile said all I needed to know, you little shit.”

“Smile?! What smile?!” He yelled, shivering as he hung. I made a TV screen pop up and showed him the memory. “Oh…what about it?!” He asked. “I’m a samurai. You can’t scare me!”

“Oh I can scare you,” I said. “But for now you get a warning. You can have your baths and your cuddling because you're a child. Not like you could do anything with it anyway. But the minute you gloat about it, you’ll be back here. Seeing what true terror is.” I clapped my hands and everything turned white. 

It took time but he eventually got the idea. As I pulled him out he moved out of Nami’s cleavage and ran off without another word. 

“What did you do to him?!” Nami yelled, much angrier than I imagined. 

“Nothing,” I said, turning away. 

“Way to go, Weston,” Sanji said. Brook gave me a thumbs up. 

“Weren’t you supposed to be at the helm?!” Nami asked angrily. Brook froze and was then running away. Her tone still angry, Sanji scampered off as well. 

“What’s going on?” Kinemon asked. 

“He sent Momonosuke into an illusion. What the hell did you do to him?” Nami asked, getting serious. 

“Nothing, I swear I didn’t do anything,” I said. I looked at Nami and Robin. Neither believed me. “Do you want to see?” I asked, raising the necklace. 

All 3 looked at it and I drew them in. Around us was a pure white expanse. “I threw him in this for an hour,” I said. “He cracked after about 5 minutes. You don’t have to scare kids. They are little balls of energy. They get scared when they are alone. He ran around and screamed his head off until he became tuckered out. Then we watched Demon Slayer for a couple hours.”

“Demon what?” Robin asked. 

“Demon Slayer, it’s this show I…made up. It’s about a samurai whose entire family gets killed, except for his sister. Then he spends all his time trying to get strong enough to seek revenge and kill the demon that killed his family.” A very good analogy for Momonosuke’s current predicament. I pulled up a screen and showed them some quick shots of the anime version. 

“What is this?” Kinemon asked, amazed as he approached the screen.  

“My mind,” I admitted. “Anything I think can be in here.”

“That still doesn’t justify doing whatever to a kid,” Nami said. 

I pulled up the memory of the look Momonosuke gave me. “What can I say, he pissed me off,” I said. “He’s learned his lesson. I don’t care about the bath. But I’ll be damned if a kid of any age disrespects me with a look like that.”

“He did not give you that look,” Robin said. 

I turned to Kinemon. “Uh yes, he did,” the man admitted ashamedly. “I’m sorry for his actions.”

“No problem,” I said. “He’s a kid. He is still learning.” I pulled us out of the Makuramoto. Kinemon headed off after Momonosuke. 

“I…apologize,” Nami said. “I thought the worst.”

“Nami, I know kids. I wouldn’t scar someone for life from a look,” I admitted. “You’ve been off lately, what’s wrong?”

“It’s all this Shichibukai and Yonko talk,” she admitted with a sigh. “I’m on edge. Are we really ready for these kind of fights?” I could hear the fear in her voice. I frowned but lifted my Chikyugi Necklace again. 

“Let’s talk, care to join, Robin?”

“Sure,” she said, understanding that we usually did more than talk in my room. I pulled them in and we sat on the comfortable couches. I changed it to be a pit couch like had been in Qiress’ room in HxH. 

“What’s the matter?” I asked Nami as I pulled her to me. She snuggled up to me, still a little shaken. 

“These are big names we are talking about fighting,” she said. “I don’t know if I’m ready.”

“You are,” I said. “Trust me. We have spent our 2 years becoming the best us. Your chakra is stronger than ever. You know pretty much all the jutsus I do. We just hone our skills and we will keep going. Hell the last 2 islands we had no injuries.”

“Those guys were easy though,” she pouted. 

“They were. And it’s only going to get harder for us,” I said. “But we can do it.”

“What do we need to watch out for?” Robin asked. She had moved closer. I pulled her in and she was laying on my other shoulder. Both girls mirroring one another as they laid their leg on my upper thigh. 

“The next island is Doflamingo…what’s going on there is basically what happened in Alabasta,” I admitted. “Shichibukai took over. Royal family is trying to fight against him. We step in and help them out. It’s a lot harder than that though. Doflamingo has this underling that ate a Devil fruit which can turn people into dolls.”

“Like inanimate dolls?” Nami asked, scared. 

“Worse, living breathing dolls. And if she turns you into one. Everyone you’ve ever known forgets who you were.”

“What?!” Robin asked. 

I nodded. “Yes, like my amnesia. You’re just overridden. So if either of us get turned into dolls. We have to beat her.”

“That’s awful. Even parents and kids forget you?”

“Everyone. You’d know you had a dad, but not what he looked like or if he was even around. I think I heard a story about a guy getting turned into a doll and the wife married someone else. The doll guy had to watch as his kid called the step-dad, father.”

“That’s sick,” Robin said. 

“Yeah. Doflamingo is not a good person. He used to be a Tenryuubito. But his parents gave up the title. He always saw himself above others. He has no conscience.”

“What else?”

“From there I’m not sure. I know you’re scared Nami, but these places are not good. No one is in a position to save them. It’s up to us,” I said. 

She slowly nodded then kissed my chin. “I love you,” she whispered. 

“Love you too. Both of you,” I said. They cuddled up more as we stared at the ceiling for a time. 

“I want to see more of these things you made up,” Robin admitted. “Demon Layer?”

“It’s not a porno. It’s Demon Slayer,” I said. “Sure. What are you in the mood for? Something funny? Feel good show? Romance?”

“I want something funny,” Nami said. Robin nodded her head. I racked my brain for something. I almost did Muppet Treasure Island but ended up on Ice Age. 

I soon had buttered popcorn and candies in bowls laid out for them. They munched on them happily as we watched a squirrel try to get a nut. Nami and Robin laughed, asking about this or that but it was a good moment with them. I’d probably end up showing them the Notebook or something later. 

After the movie it turned into a three-way. But I didn’t like having sex in the Makuramoto. It wasn’t fulfilling for me. But the girls enjoyed it since I didn’t have to wear a condom. Even imaginary chakra did wonders to them. 

As I pulled us out of the Genjutsu the girls left to get dressed. I was about to go back out to go fishing when I received a notification. 

Challenge 2 will begin within 10 days

“Fuck,” I mumbled. After switching bodies with Nami I was a little gun shy. I had been really scared I would get called to a challenge while stuck in Nami’s body. With over half of my skills gone, I’d have died quickly. 

Reminded about the person on Doflamingo’s island that could turn people into dolls, I didn’t want to risk that happening for the fight either. Hell would everyone forget about me? Then I’d die and my kids would never know who I was. It was at least 5 days to travel to Dressrosa. How many days would it take to beat Doflamingo? Probably 1 for how fast stuff moved in the world, but I couldn’t risk it. 

I needed to be at tip top shape for my next challenge. I had hoped to get another Challenger Slot for my Nen, but I looked like that was out of reach. Letting out a sigh. I said, “World Escape.”