Love You More Than I Can

Chapter 13: Finally Notice the Blood Shedding Wound

Translator: Mia

Time flied. Sheng Youting’s temper got worse as time went by. Most of the time, he found himself was almost taken by an impulse to turn Jincheng upside down.

The name of Yu Lan haunted him every night no matter how hard he tried to sleep in peace.

He never went again to places once stayed by Yu Lan.

In the past, he could see Yu Lan every week when he went home. They would live in the suite at the third floor. However, now he couldn’t bear to stay there for Yu Lan’s traces could be found everywhere in the room.

Sheng Youting left and drove to Lanlinyuan.

Lanlinyuan was the house where the bone ash of Yu Lan’s mom rested.

The servant guarding Lanlinyuan still acted nice. He didn’t seem to know about Yu Lan’s leave and thought Yu Lan was too busy to come there. He expressed his hope to wish Yu Lan to pay more visits. He even asked Sheng Youting about when would they plan to have babies.

Sheng Youting didn’t want to mention baby again. The word of baby became a taboo in his heart.

Sheng Youting chatted a few words casually and went to the worship hall.

It was on the platform where the incense were burnt that Sheng Youting saw the letter box. The letters were all wrote by Yu Lan and were meant to be sent by her to her mom.

――

Mom,

Today, his school held a basket ball again and he won. I knew he would be the winner. He is so great. I love him so much. He is my prince charming.

He is my dream. Mom, do bless me to realize my dream!

――

Mom,

The month before last, an earthquake hit province C and I dug him out bare-handed from the ruins. Seeing what he had become, my heart broke. I was afraid that he would die. However, when I woke up, it turned out to be Yu Yi who saved him. Maybe he was indeed saved by Yu Yi after I had been hit by slate.

I don’t care. After all, he don’t love me. It doesn’t matter who has saved him.

Anyway, I won’t dare to appear in front of them after he has been together with Yu Yi. I’m still not used to the feeling of inferiority and bitterness when they are together in front of me...

――

Mom,

You once said that we two were a perfectly match even from the name. The name of Sheng Yulan was hidden in a positive saying in China. You said only the Sheng of Shengshi deserved me.

He indeed deserves me and even exceeds my expectation.

However, I’m a good match. To marry him, I give up my rights to inherit the Yu family to compensate Yu Yi. I don’t have my dowry, and I’m always greeted by ironic words because of it. It makes me hard to act confidently.

However, I love him. It’s the path chosen by myself and I will continue it even with my head bow...

――

Mom,

I was sick yesterday, a high fever to 42 Celsius degree. I called him but he didn’t care about it and asked me to solve it myself.

When the busy signal was sent from the other side, I cried.

I was proud in front of others and only felt inferior in front of him. I wouldn’t dare to speak out my discomfort, fearing that he would thought me incompetent and therefore looked down on me...

It was helpless and miserable...

――

Mom,

Yesterday, he came back drunk and vomited. I didn’t mean to help him for he didn’t care about me last month.

However, finally, I still tidied him up, dressed him again, and fed him honey water. I even cleaned his body with hot towels for I feared that he would got ill if not cleaned and my heart would broken.

I can’t make up my mind to totally give up loving him. I deserve what I got. It’s evident that he never loves me for one second. I’m asking for it. I deserve it. I deserve it...

――

Mom,

I miss you so much.

You are not here. I don’t have arms to rest in. I feel lonely, helpless lonely.

Maybe, I would die on the street one day, but no one would collect my body and feel sorry for me...

Mom, you are not here. I’m alone and feel lonely...

I want to come to your side. At least, you will still love me even though no one else would...

...

After reading all the letters, Sheng Youting felt him now was like a paper scrap and would got shaken even by a breath. Quivered were his breaths and fingers. He was in a panic, and tried to put all the letters back to envelopes. However, letters fell piece by piece. He tried to pick them up but failed.

If he knew his heart would ache and fall into pieces, he would not choose to read them.

All emotions suppressed during the year finally sought their way out. He missed her so much.

She had accompanied him for ten years. He was used to her endless twittering, persistent pursuing, and aggressive behaviors. He was even more accustomed to her love.

However, all were gone...

He now knew how about a broken heart. Every single thin fine hair turned into a steel needle, piercing every bit of his body.

Yu Lan’s name was like a pen handwriting written randomly on his chest and was ignored by him.

However, as the color of the handwriting grew darker as time went by, it became a tattoo. It stayed on his chest and no discomfort was caused. He was used to it. However, it was now enucleated together with the flesh nearby.

He couldn’t find it now even if he looked down at his chest. What he could find was just a blood shedding wound. It was so hurt that he couldn’t bear to cast a second look on it...