My Dearest General: It Has Always Been You

Xu Binchen hadn't shut his eyes for 36 hours but he wasn't sleepy at all. Contrarily, he felt his blood roaring in irritation and his mood plunged to the bottom of the ocean.

At 9 am in the morning, the hospital reopened. Visitors and patients came and went as usual, not noticing that there was someone who had blood on his hands and had just brushed shoulders with them.

The investigations came to a dead end.

The man who came to Shi Nian's room had disappeared without any trace as if he had evaporated into thin air. There was no trace of him in the hospital. The surveillance cameras both inside and outside the hospital, along the streets and even in the stalls, restaurants and houses near the hospital didn't catch a shadow of the man.

As he turned into the corner, it was as if he had instantly vanished. If not for the 20 seconds cut in the surveillance record, then he would have thought that Shi Nian was hallucinating.

Wang Chengbing said in stress, the culprit was like a vengeful spirit, came to scare the person who killed him and went along with the wind into an unknown place.

In front of Xu Binchen the atheist, Wang Chengbing received a mocking look.

This time, even if the hospital collapsed, Xu Binchen wouldn't move from Shi Nian's side even a bit. Every time he went out to do business, there would always be some accidents happening to her. Once bitten twice shy. Xu Binchen would never let anything happen under his watch again.

"…yes, I will stay here, Captain. No, she hasn't regained consciousness yet." Xu Binchen looked through the transparent glass on the door to see Shi Nian's pale face as she laid helplessly on the bed. He went silent for a while. "Captain."

"What?" Jin Renguang's irritated voice came from the other side of the phone.

"Do you think that we can let Butterfly keep on staying here?"

"Why not?" He snorted. "Now, we can conclude that the culprit knew Butterfly is still alive, he knew her whereabouts and he came to sound her out. Why should we hide her?"

Xu Binchen gripped the phone tight. He knew, he knew that this was a hard earned opportunity. If they were lucky then they could have set a trap and caught him. But… "It's dangerous. Butterfly's mental condition can't cope with the situation."

"Is it what you thought or what the doctor said?"

Xu Binchen pressed his lips tight. "The examination result hasn't come out yet."

"Xu Binchen," Jin Renguang measured his words. "It's not like you at all. You have always kept your cool all the time. What's wrong? Did your heart ache for her? Pity her? Sympathize with her?"

Xu Binchen didn't answer.

A sigh travelled into his ears. "I know that doing this is a bit cruel but do we have a choice?" On the other side of the phone, Jin Renguang leaned his head on the swivel chair and smiled bitterly. "If I can, I also want to protect her securely. But we can't. We can't wait any longer. He is like a time bomb and we don't know when he will explode. Now, the only thing we can do is to guard Butterfly properly as much as we can while we work behind the scenes."

"I understand." Xu Binchen lowered his eyes and the surging undercurrent he felt when he saw Shi Nian's terrified state in the surveillance record receded quickly. Logic. He had to prioritize logic above everything, emotion would just hinder his work. "I apologize, Captain. It's my momentary lapse of misjudgment."

Jin Renguang grunted. "Anyway, wait for the girl to wake up and question her thoroughly."

Xu Binchen drew in a sharp breath. "…roger."

***

She dreamed of her past life, dreamed of when the fugitives wrecked her village and slaughtered everyone, dreamed of the executioner with the long cleaver, dreamed of the General's unreadable eyes as he looked at her and then the world plunged into Hell. Blood and screams of despair everywhere.

She stood in the middle of the room which she recalled as the room in her past life.

At that time, the General had gone into another war. Five months had passed and finally, the news came. But it wasn't the news of victory, instead, the messenger came with tears in his eyes, carrying the General's hair which was stained with blood.

That day, the General's residence mourned.

The head servant, Fu Jia, seemed like he had aged ten years in just a span of one day. Only then did Shi Nian realize that Fu Jia was old, his back had started to hunch and he had served the General ever since the Madam and Master of the family was still alive.

Shi Nian asked for a white silk, saying that she would hang it in her room.

Fu Jia sighed, his eyes red and damp. "Shi Nian ah, Master…how can Master just leave like this?" The man who had always brought back victories, bathed in the light of luck and bravery, braced through countless corpses and emerged as the last one standing, how could he simply be defeated just like that?

The reality hadn't sunk in yet for Fu Jia.

But Shi Nian knew. The General wasn't going to war, he was going to offer his head. He knew that he was going to die, but he still went. Shi Nian remembered his back that was covered in armor, his long hair swayed along the wind. An inconspicuous smile hung on his lips as always, as if death or alive didn't matter to him. "So, it's time…"

Shi Nian didn't know where she got the courage to hold his arms and shook her head, pleading. Don't go, you know that it's a trap but why…

She didn't say anything but the General understood. He lifted his eyes to look at her, but it was only for a split second. His long eyelashes obstructed his sight as he pried her hands off. He wore his helmet, the black metal glistened under the sun, as bright and dauntless as she first saw him.

Tears blurred Shi Nian's eyes, and at that time she really wished to know what General Jiang Jinyan was thinking of.

He reached out a hand and it hovered in midair for a while but in the end, he lowered it back down, swallowing everything that he wanted to do. He turned around without hesitation, his voice drifted to her, lower as usual. "I live for the people, and I die for the people."

It's the oath that one took when they entered the army. But General Jiang's intention as he said that, whether it's to convince himself or for Shi Nian to hear, only he knew.

When the news of General Jiang's death travelled to her ears, Shi Nian didn't shed any tears like she did when she saw him off, not anymore. Instead, there was a placid calmness within her eyes, just like that time when she waited for the executioner's blade to cut her head off.

She grasped the white silk in her hands and rubbed it with her thumb. In her mind, numerous images floated up, all of it contained him. With no change of expression on her face, she tidied her room up, brushed away the dust in every nook and corner, climbed up the chair, hung the white silk up around the ceiling beam, tied a dead knot and slipped her head in.

Shi Nian closed her eyes as she kicked the chair away. At that time, she had the illusion that the General was waiting for her on the other side of the underworld.

A soft smile adorned her face as she welcomed death with open arms…

But no, everywhere she searched, she couldn't find him.

She was scared, scared of…

"What are you scared of?" A familiar voice yet more youthful, higher and softer asked her.

She jolted awake in shock, but when she opened her eyes, all of the images behind her eyes started to disintegrate until there was nothing left, slipping between her fingers like sand and she couldn't catch even one of them.

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