Canon Fodder

CHAPTER 283 HEARTBREAK

I walked over to the body slumped in the alley. Wearing a set of simple cloth clothes he wasn’t in the sequenced red uniform, or was it orange? But the guy looked about right. Grabbing a fistful of his black hair I lifted his head to see the X-shaped scar on his left cheek. 

“Yamcha!” I barked. The man didn’t react. The smell of liquor wafting off of him it was easy to see that he was as drunk as a skunk. 

I had sent my 8 clones in 8 different directions throughout the city. Some asked people if they knew the guy, another went to a police station making up a story about getting beat up by Yamcha. The clone that had found him was one that simply ran around trying to find a popular attraction in the city to luck upon him. My clone found Yamcha by the intense Spiritual Energy Yamcha let off. 

I had learned a long time ago that the more spiritual energy someone had, the stronger they were. Yamcha let off the most I had ever seen in one person. Not an impossibly huge amount, but enough for my clone to sense him by simply running by. I was getting excited at the thought of training in the world. Though I didn’t have all the time I would like, I still had enough to at least get the story started. 

“Yamcha!” I yelled again. The guy groaned and dropped to the side. “Idiot,” I mumbled, pulling water-chakra from me. I splashed it on him hard. He woke up with a yell. 

“Fuck! What?!” He yelled, I sprayed more water on him. “Stuoppit!” He sputtered as I kept it going. 

“You need a bath,” I said. “Freaking reek of booze.” 

“Stop!” He yelled kicking out at me but I dodged away from it easily. I let the water lessen as he became soaked and then some. “Wanna fight?!” 

“I do,” I said with a smile as I crouched down in front of him. I pulled a handful of gold out of my screen. It had turned into the currency from the Harem world. Intricate designs on either side. The coin was rather fancy. “But how about I pay you instead?” His eyes widened as he noticed the gold. Squinting, he looked up at me. 

“What do you have in mind?” 

Rather than explain in an alley I helped him up and he directed me to a little diner. Sitting in a booth I had plenty of zeni, the currency of DBZ World, so I knew I would be paying. 

“Did you have to make me soaked?” Yamcha crumbled as he continued to drip water from his body. 

“You needed a bath,” I assured. 

“Coffee, black,” he ordered as a server came up. “Meat too. Lots of it.” 

“Just get us a bunch of bacon and eggs,” I said to the waitress. She nodded and went off. Bringing back a couple of cups of coffee soon enough. 

“What the hell do you want, kid?” Yamcha asked after he took a sip from the coffee. Letting out a sigh as it touched his lips. 

I looked down at my body. I was 16 years old. “What are you, like 30?”

“24,” Yamcha said, offended. I tried to think back to the manga. What age would that make Goku? At the start of Dragonball I was pretty sure Goku was 12 or 13. I thought he had said 13 when he first fought in the World’s Martial Arts Tournament. Bulma said she was 16 when she and Goku met. I was almost positive Yamcha was the same age as her. So that would make Goku 20 now? I couldn’t remember how old Goku was at the start of DBZ, but I doubted he was only 20. I might be lucky and have some time until Raditz attacked. 

“Whatever,” I said as I studied him. Focused on his coffee he looked exactly like what a drunk should. Dirty and greasy hair. A terrible mustache and beard that no self respecting adult would bother to grow. Patchy and ragged, some people didn’t have the genes for beards. His clothes dripping water he stank too. Like sweat left on clothes for weeks until it became moldy. 

“What do you want?” Yamcha grumbled as he noticed me studying him. 

“I want to know if you’re really Yamcha,” I admitted. 

“That’s my name,” he said. I could suddenly sense him with my quirk, which would be good in case he decided to run. 

“The Yamcha that has fought in the World Martial Art Tournaments? Member of the Taitan baseball team?” I asked. He stiffened, his mouth frowning. 

“What about it?!” He barked as our food arrived. 

“Nothing, just, not what I expected for one of the strongest men in the world,” I said. 

“Ha strongest,” Yamcha said. “Guess you don’t know how low I placed last tournament.”

“Still, you’ve been to Korin Tower, right? I mean, you’re strong.”

“How do you know about that?” He asked in between bites. 

“I know a lot of stuff. You’re…a legend,” I lied. “One of the what? 10 strongest people on the planet. That’s a feat in itself.” His chest swelled with pride as his Haki leaked much more pride than he showed. 

“I’m a legend?” He asked, almost hopeful. 

“Oh yeah,” I lied. He deserved to be a legend, but the world was so big and the Z warriors weren’t as good at publicity as Hercule was, so they were forgotten easily. “I was hoping to learn from you.”

“Learn what?” He asked, surprised. 

“Martial Arts,” I said. “I’ve been training since I was a kid. Rather than learn from someone weak though, I wanted to learn from you.”

I could feel that the compliments were working on him, but then he frowned. “I’m not a good trainer, kid.”

“It’s Weston,” I corrected. 

“Whatever,” he mumbled as his Haki became weaker. “I haven’t fought in a while.”

“I thought you were on the baseball team.” 

“Yeah, I gotta survive somehow. The pay is good, but season is over.” 

“I’ll pay you,” I said, dropping a stack of gold coins on the table. The sound of them clinking perked the man’s ears up. His eyes sparkled as he studied the gold, but then he frowned. 

“I don’t need money,” he said. “I need help.”

“Help?” I asked. “With what?”

“Women,” he admitted. “I need to get over someone.”

“Oh shit,” I said. My hand running across my short hair. “Did Bulma break up with you again?”

I felt his spiritual energy spike as his anger flared. “What do you know about it?!” He yelled. 

“Calm down,” I hissed as people looked at us. “I know things, alright. So what? She dump you and you’re drowning your sorrows?” One of the classic themes in Dragon Ball was Yamcha and Bulma dating like highschoolers. Getting together and breaking up every other week. 

He calmed down. A tear came to his eye as he explained, “When we won the League Tournament. A girl kissed me on television. I didn’t even know her! Bulma saw and…” 

“Broke up with you, I get it. So what do you want? Just a rebound? Or you want Bulma back?” I asked. 

“Fuck her,” he growled, but I could tell his spiritual energy ached for her. “I don’t know. I’m not good at this. I know if I can get someone else I can get over her.”

I doubted that. Chewing my lip I leaned back in the booth as I studied him. “Okay, so if I can get you a date, you’ll train me?” I asked. Doubting it would work that way. But if I could instill myself with him, maybe I could get what I wanted. But I hated drama. Krillin was starting to sound like a better option. 

“You think you can get me a date?” He asked. 

“Of course, it’s my speciality,” I said with a smile. I had plenty of money. The man looked gullible enough to fall for a lady of the night. “But we will have to clean you up a little.” 

He put a wide hopeful smile on his face. His energy expelling hope he finished up his meal and we were on our way. 

“First you need to be Pretty Womaned,” I said as we walked down the street. 

“What?” He asked, each step sobering him up. 

“We need to get you a makeover. Get rid of that terrible beard. Haircut. Cut your nails. Were you digging your grave with those?” I asked as I noticed all the dirt under his nails. 

“I don’t do that kind of crap. I’m a fighter,” Yamcha said. 

“You do if you want a woman,” I corrected. One of my clones had found me a nice shopping plaza so we headed that way. “You really think some woman wants a guy that can’t take care of himself? They don’t want to have to wipe your ass. They want an adult. Someone that has their crap together. Trust me, you’ll feel more confident with a new set of clothes.”

We got to the plaza and it was actually pretty nice. Hundreds of people walking around between different shops. I took us to a spa first. Throwing money around we were let right in. 

Yamcha showered for the first time in a week. I had them burn the clothes he was in and tipped a guy to run and get us a cheap pair of clothes for him. I bought us massages because I might as well enjoy myself. It wasn’t going to hurt me to take a day to relax. 

After the massages he looked far more relaxed. But he was still pretty scraggly. The nice ladies at the spa directed us to a hairstylist. He got a shave and I had them cut his hair. He fought and bitched the entire time but he looked like a professional when it was over. His hair slicked to the side he was a new man. After a manicure and pedicure the man’s spiritual energy was far more clear. The inside reflecting his outward appearance. 

Bitching far less after each step of the process he was a finally sober as we were fitted up for suits. “How much money do you have?” He asked, staring into the mirror as he studied his appearance in the mirror. 

“Enough. Now, time for the most important step,” I said. “Tell me about your relationship experience.”

“Bulma,” he said. 

“Seriously?” I asked, annoyed. “You’ve been with 1 girl?”

“How many have you been with?!” He asked angrily. 

“Enough,” I assured. “So how did you 2 meet?”

“Oh jeez,” he said. Thinking back it took him a while to answer. “I tried to mug her.”

“She get Stockholm Syndrome?” I asked. Pretending to be surprised. 

“No,” he said with a laugh. “I kept running into her. Things progressed. We’ve been dating for years.”

“And you don’t want her back?” I made sure. 

“No, screw her. I’m sick of her games. I kept trying to tell her-“

“Yeah, yeah, you didn’t kiss the girl,” I said. I was starting to doubt his story myself. “So to meet women you have to go where they are. Know of any big clubs around here?”

“Clubs?”

“Yeah, bars. Places they like to dance and have fun. Not back alley streets where you normally pass out for the night.”

“I know a couple. But I’m not the best at talking to them,” Yamcha admitted. 

“Dude, they’re women. They make up half the population. It’s not hard.”

“I know it’s not supposed to be, but I get all flustered and nervous.”

“Yamcha, you are one of the strongest people in the world. How can you not talk to girls?”

“I don’t know!” He said angrily. 

“Alright, fine,” I said. Stepping up to him I studied him in the mirror. “What if I make you…more handsome?”

“What?”

“What if it wasn’t your face they saw?” I asked. “What if…” I did a hand seal and poured chakra on him. Making him look like Sasuke. 

“Woah,” he said, staring at the mirror wide eyed. He was in his suit, but his face was that of Sasuke. “I’m handsome.”

“Exactly. So girls will want you,” I said feeling more confident about my plan. “Let’s go get some food. Get used to your face and we can see what you’re comfortable with.”

Yamcha winked at himself. Enjoying the face a little too much. “Okay,” he said, far more confident than he had been since I met him. 

—-

I kissed the cat-girl as I walked backward into my hotel room. She had patches of fur on random parts of her body. Her hands and legs appeared to be the only exception. They were all human skin. About a 50/50 split between cat and human I had naturally gravitated toward her. 

The world of DBZ was a very peculiar place. About 75% of the people were regular humans. Another 25% were basically human animals. One of the first characters introduced in the manga was a pig-man named Oolong, and I had no idea what the hell Chioatzu was. 

So when we went to the club I decided to try my luck with a different species. Thus my new friend Heather. She wasn’t a full on cat-woman like I had seen in the show and manga, but more human. I didn’t think I could sleep with someone with too much fur. Beastiality was not something I was interested in. But I couldn’t say no to some strange. 

“You’re so good at that,” Heather purred as my hands snuck down into her skirt. Her ass was smooth, fur starting up her back. A long tail sticking out where her fur ended she had gray fur with white streaks. Her ass was muscular and firm. It was a weird feeling to have nothing but fur in my hand, but life was about new experiences. 

“You’re not half bad yourself,” I commented as her tan fur-less hand moved into my pants. I wasn’t sure if it was the girl or living the dream of having a cat-girl, but I was extra turned on. 

She gasped as her hand grabbed onto my dick. “Holy cow,” she cursed as she gripped it. “That’s uh quite the handful there.”

I really wanted to do a ‘I think it will be puurfect’ joke, but I wanted to have sex with her. Not chase her off. “I’ll go slow,” I promised. Picking her up her long tail swayed as I walked her to the bed. Dropping her down I lifted her black tight skirt to reveal that her legs were hairless. Curious what I would find I inched the skirt up until I revealed her pussy. 

It was all skin. The fur extended about halfway up her thighs from her ass cheeks but in the front was hairless and perfect. I didn’t hesitate to lick her puffy lips from bottom to top. She purred much louder as I did so. Gasping as my hands gripped her ass cheeks or tail she kicked as I focused on her lower lips. 

Channeling some chakra it wasn’t long until she was cumming. Her hands gripping the back of my head she let out a cry as she tried to pull away. I kept her in place, licking her harder as she tried to fight it. When she stopped convulsing I slowed down until the aftershocks of her body spasming stopped. 

“Holy hell,” she moaned. I looked up to her perfect face. Wide cheeks, there were no whiskers sticking out, but she did have cat eyes. Her hair black, gray cat ears stuck out of the top of her head.  

Releasing her pussy I leaned overtop of her. Pulling up her shirt to reveal her firm B cup tits. Gray fur lined underneath and overtop her breasts, but the rest were hairless. Her dark erect nipples poked up at me. 

“Take me already,” she gasped as my hard dick pressed against her. 

“I have condoms,” I said pulling one out. 

“Fuck that. I want that dick all natural,” she purred as she looked at it between us wide eyed. 

“You on something to prevent…?” I checked. With my track record I wasn’t the best at this sort of thing. 

“I’m not in heat. We are good,” she assured. 

“You go into heat?” I couldn’t help but ask. 

“Every few months,” she said. I ignored my own inhibitions with that. Lining myself up I dove in. She came hard. Literally meowing loudly as she did. I wasn’t sure whether I was turned on or not, but I went with it. Pushing in further her sharp canines bit into me. I shoved the rest of the way in as she cried out louder. 

“Shit-shit-shit,” she gasped. “You are huge!” Her large cat eyes bore into me as I groaned from her ever tightening cunt. 

“You feel so good,” I groaned. She really did have a different type of pussy than a regular human. I wasn’t sure what it was but I could feel a difference. Almost tighter. I could feel layers of muscle restricting me from exiting her. 

“Shut up and fuck me,” she growled. Purring louder than before I could feel it in her entire body. She practically vibrated, making my dick feel it. 

“Fuck,” I grunted and started humping into her again. The restrictive muscles made it all the better as I pulled out. It felt like she was trying to keep me in. She was so strong. 

But as she lost herself to the lust she meowed and growled with every thrust. Cumming harder as I felt my own orgasm quickly approach. But I wasn’t done with her. 

Pulling out I flipped her around. Moving her tail out of the way I lined myself up again. “The definition of irony is cats doing it doggy style,” I couldn’t help but say and slammed into her. 

“Fucking fuck!” She cried as her human hands held onto the mattress. Long nails dug into the comforter as she took all of me. But the new pussy was far too good. It wasn’t long until I was cumming in her as deep as I could. 

She purred louder and the vibration hit my balls, making each spurt stronger than the last. When I was empty I leaned over her. Kissing her smooth cheek as our sexes met. 

“That was…fuck,” she gasped as she continued to purr. Not as strong now she hummed happily. 

“I agree,” I said. “Again?”  

“Please,” she whispered. When my refractory period ended I was slamming into her once more. The cat-girl showed me how flexible she actually was. Holding her legs over her head I pounded in until she couldn’t go on anymore. 

“I uh go into heat here in a few weeks,” she mumbled tiredly. “You should join me.”

“Oh yeah…not for a kid I hope,” I said. 

“Fuck no. But I feel like you could keep up,” she whispered. Her eyes half lidded. Before I could answer she was asleep. Chuckling I shook my head, I doubted I’d be in the area for it, but it sounded fun. 

With her out I decided it was time to see how the other one was going. After a quick shower I walked out to find the fully human girl sitting on the couch. 

“Where’s Yamcha?” I asked. She looked up and nudged her head to the other room. “What happened? I thought you said you could take care of him.”

“Dude, most people want prostitutes for someone to talk to,” she said, annoyed. “I did my best. But he was crying about some girl naked Bulma the whole time. He was asleep soon after that.”

“Fuck,” I groaned. “Thanks anyway.” I pulled out double what she’d asked for. Tossing it on the coffee table in front of her she eyed me. 

“Sounds like the cat girl had fun,” the woman noted. She was older, probably late 20s. Dark purple hair. It had been easy enough to find her at one of the bars we went to. She had been scanning for prospective John’s and I paid her to act interested in Yamcha. While she buttered him up I found Heather. The Sasuke face had given him plenty of confidence but I guessed not enough. 

“What can I say? I’m a fun ride,” I said with a wink. “Care for a turn?”

“It’s your money,” she said standing up. Pulling her arms into her dress she dropped it to the ground without hesitation. Fully nude after some simple motions I marveled at her immaculate body. Perfect pert breasts, manicured pubes, there wasn’t any part of her body out of place. But I was sure to wear a condom just in case. 

It wasn’t long until she was riding me on the couch. Cumming hard she had far more endurance than Heather. Large breasts in my face I wasn’t about to say no to a fun time. Heartbreak or not.